My African Queen
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Before seeing her in that drop-dead dress
My world was topsy-turvy.
I was dealing with emotional stress
And seeing her, she's voluptuously curvy.
Knowing her was a sheer pleasure
Coz she is undisputedly special and true
I brandished her as a rare treasure
Coz she daily looks fresher and new.
I love her for many reasons,
Cherish and protect her with unbridled alacrity
With her comeliness in all seasons
I know I’m blessed with a black beauty.
I really can’t wait any longer
To ask her to be my wife
I know I can’t go any yonder
Without her in my life.
She is the girl of my dream
I know she was made for me
And having her as my African queen
Renders me incapable of containing my glee.
Photo credits to mashupamericans
Heartfelt poem but it leaves no mystery because you're writing too literally. Try to find other ways to express your thoughts and emotions without going the direct path.
Poetry is full of unbeaten paths to get where you want.
Thank you very much for that.
This post has received a 0.11 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.
You're working on words that are rhyming ;-) and some of them come in on timing. What I find hard to do, is write words come in-on cue.
:-)
I write poems that don't adhere to rules of rhyme or meter, they tend to have some 'meter' (a kind of flow like a rap artist might call it) maybe some rhyme, but the form is not cinsistent throughout - i am never trying to make anything fit into a thing either way. I just write - freely, and later read re-reading, a pattern appears to be coming for some reason. BUt sometimes it's so mixed up, and I wonder if it needs fixing. Then I will come back to it months later and throw it all away. Or pick it up and re-write it. Only then it takes it's true intended form.
I think it is some spiritual expression inside trying to come out (not really but maybe something unconcsioous).
Bottom line - don't try to force it. No one really cares if it rhymes, they're just going to read it halfway then move on with their lives anyway - if you have dug deeply - and have something hardcore to say - then work and work again then whatever it is has so much meaning, peopel might learn it ooff by heart. That's somethin. And it woulkdn't matter if it rhymes or has meter or not.
You feelin what I am sayin? :-) cheers bru, - that girls in the pic - if I saw her I'd write a poem too!!
Thanks for that Bro. I really was forcing it.
No problem man. You have a flame burning deep inside you, it ought not to be smothered by undue pressures to conform to anything. If you want to pick something to conform to, make sure it's freedom to conform to nothing and no-one but your Self (and I know you are a God-fearing man). Power bro!