The context behind this poem... The backstory is I have a father who tries to keep in touch with me and a memory of who he use to be that prevents us from having the kind of father daughter relationship he seeks.

It isn't about the pain he inflicted on just me but my whole family and family he left behind before us. So many layers of pain that I haven't made peace with yet. When I made this poem, he had just tried to call me. I haven't been able to pick up the phone like I use to. I forgave him over and over again and then remember something he's done and I'm back to wishing he'd leave me alone...

He's a pathological liar, sociopathic, abusive, rapist and psycho who uses money and words to buy affection which is someone I don't want to resonate with. I didn't know half of the things he did until my mom sent me a letter letting me know everything... He's been trying to help so not wanting to speak to him makes me feel a bit of guilt. I know he's not who he use to be but the scars are still there...

Having PTSD is like having something open up old wounds randomly at the drop of a dime. That phone call triggered thoughts and memories I'd rather leave behind.

So there's the context behind it. I was thinking of making a post and talking about my family history of trauma. Just let it all out. But I don't want to put my family on blast. They could read it and who knows... I don't want to dig up theur old wounds.