This is lovely, Dan, almost a stand alone mini poem:

I wake up into the husk of a world
Unfinished, where you can see
The guide-lines.

They’re close, and both versions are strong: stark, clean lines, quietly startling images. Good to look on the world with such fine, defamilarizing eyes.

I think I, too, prefer rewrite, but miss the open-endedness of this closing couplet:

If you look at it from the right angle
It disappears entirely: a trick of the light.

(vs emotional finality of ‘mirage of mourning’)

How about combing both POVs:

If you look at it,
just so—
It disappears entirely.

That way the word-weariness/wariness is lessened & the disappearance is presented as a daily chance to remake the world, anew, but also an opportunity to see past it and all its in-built suffering.