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RE: Freaky Fridays
And about being exclusive. When I start my relationships one of the main things I talk about is what my intentions are. I let them know what my lifestyle is like and how I plan on living it. If my relations develop and someone wants to me monogamous that's something that needs to be addressed as delicately as possible. Understanding why my partner feels this way, making sure they feel safe and loved. And if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out.
As you might have seen from my other comment, I’m monogamous but, damn, do I feel constricted by commitment sometimes. Being faithful is a lot of work, and honestly (sometimes) involves a lot of fantasizing in the bedroom. It doesn’t help that my wife is the more traditional type - Korean, not religious, just old-fashioned - so our sex life is, ah, not as exciting as it was with some of my exes.
I would think a lot of guys would be able to deal with the lifestyle of a woman like you. Then again, some of us have the emotional self-control and development of a child, and we fall in love without much effort!
I come from a strong Phillipino background and I am aware of a traditional Asian wife. My mother is that way and my parents raised me to be that way as well. And that's how I got into my first marriage. Seeing a handsome man that can provide for me with a strong family to keep us together, seemed perfect. But it wasn't. I know who I am and I was throwing my wants and needs aside just for the sake of the tradition and to being together. Even my best friend was telling me I wasn't myself ever since I was with him.
I tried to introduce an open relationship not for me (i opened it up for him to find other partners since I like women too) but for him, We tried to make it work but he's a one-woman kind of man and made me feel ridiculous for wanting another woman to please him. "Why is it so bad that I just want to love my wife." Needless to say, it didn't work out. We decided that we couldn't make each other happy and we vowed to love each other forever. So we knew that we had to separate and that eventually, we both would find someone out there that can give us what we need. I know he's going to make a wonderful husband to someone, just not me. I've found my place and it isn't getting married to one person. Well, that's my mindset right now. Who knows I might change my mind in 20 years...lol
Maybe you and your wife can help find each other sexuallyy. Talk to her, ask her what she likes. I'm sure if you take baby steps into evolving your sexual relationship with your wife she'd be willing to try it and tell you whether or not she's into it. Maybe slowly started sparking more romance and then throwing some kinkiness in there as well. More PDA or secret kisses dark corners of restaurants or places you go for an outing, then maybe more direction in bed. Telling her things you want to try. I'm sure if she's the submissive type and you are the dominant male, she might find it attractive that you boss her around in bed. I don't know your relationship or your wife but I do know that the key to an amazing relationship whether or not it's professional, emotional, or sexual, is open communication.
Luckily, we do communicate quite openly and more so than that, I’ve made an effort in recent months to not let other things - or people - distract me from her. And the funny thing is that I fantasize less than I used to. I think, maybe, part of it was the way I was struggling to adapt to the confines of “married life” expectations...and I have slowly been accepting the reality that I am the sort of person who needs boundaries.
But, I am also like the neighborhood cats, who need to bound around outside once in a while. Funny thing, too, is that while my wife is definitely more traditional...she’s far less traditional than she was when we first met in Korea. Life in America, away from her parents, has helped her blossom. She’s definitely more open to my sexual proclivities and appetite than she used to be, though we’ve a ways to go.
One thing is for sure: Married life isn’t perfect, but I am happier than I was when I didn’t know who - if anyone - I would be going to bed with each night. I didn’t get married until I was ready for it (I’m 37 now, was 36 when we got married). I was once engaged to a girl from France, while living in Israel, at age 23. I definitely know I would’ve gotten divorced from her - we fought as often as we fucked, and the sex wasn’t good enough to make up for all the other shit.
I’m glad to hear communications is working and that you’re taking it slow. She sounds like a wonderful woman and it’s amazing how you have givin her this new life style where she can grow. You sound pretty cool. Lol
I wish I would have waited to get married till after I was 30 (That was the only advice my brother gave me and I totally disregarded it) or till I understood myself a bit more. It sounds like you made some pretty solid decisions in your life.
Feel free to check out my Polly post again. I really enjoyed your feedback.
I tell ya, it took a lot of trial and error for me to get this way. It’s wisdom I wish I’d been born with, but experience has been a good-enough teacher instead. I had a pretty good example in my Dad and Stepmom’s relationship, too. That gave me a standard to aspire to.
And, she is truly a wonderful woman, my wife. Changed me in ways measurable and immeasurable. Loves me the way I always wished I would be loved. We are perfectly imperfect for each other!
I’ll definitely check it out again. I’ve enjoyed this, too!