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How to Avoid Fascist Dictators for Dummies

Just in Case

Geesus. That’s a toughie.

<takes a deep breath, cracks knuckles>

First of all, I think most people are very much against fascism.

I also like to believe the vast majority of folks aren’t easily swayed by the foul rhetoric of fascism.

In addition, I hope the people subsidizing the dirty deeds of a fascist in order to accelerate their own career, increase their revenue, (or fog up the camera lens with their sycophantic heavy breathing, which in turn creates a soft-focus that makes the fascist look slightly less repulsive), are exceedingly few and far between and have giant, excruciating hemorrhoids.

But I’m not confident.

In truth, this is a topic on which tomes have been written. So I certainly cannot and should not attempt to cover the full complexity of this issue. But I can write some rudimentary info on the topic — specifically for dummies. So consider this post from one dummy to another… with love.

NOT that I think you guys are dummies!

I mean, I’m the dummy. The dummy is me… er, I.

Obviously.

See.
Let’s back up for a moment and review the meaning of “fascism.” Apparently, even the definition is a source of debate. It’s disappointing that we have a word, derived originally from the Latin term fasces meaning “bundle” (specifically a bundle of wooden sticks, often fastened around an axe), whose very meaning we cannot definitively agree upon. Particularly when you consider that “fascism” nearly beat out “surreal” as 2016’s most looked-up word on Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.

Remember 2016? Yeah, me neither. I much preferred 2015. And 1992. And a smattering of the 80s.

Shoot, even 1978 wasn’t so bad.

Hungry, Hungry Hippos came out in ’78, so overall, a pretty good year.
For the sake of brevity and because this post is intended for alleged “dummies,” let’s focus on a very broad overview. If, when you heard the term fascist, it brought to mind a certain 20th Century dictator by the name of Benito, you’d be on the right track. Fascism, as we commonly know it, first appeared in Italy during WWI. By 1915, Benito Mussolini had created the Fascist Revolutionary Party, which eventually became the National Fascist Party (apparently the word “revolutionary” sounded too radical for the focus groups).

Essentially, fascists believe that a one-party state (their party) is the answer to all national ills, be they economic or otherwise. You add this to the idea that fascists renounce electoral democracy, hold nationalism (and/or race) as superior to the interests of the individual, while practicing tyranny toward any opposition and you get… okay, I’m just spit-balling here but, uh… dictatorship?

So, what does this have to do with the U.S.? Well, at the height of fascism in the pre-WWII era while the country attempted to lift itself out of The Great Depression, America, like so many other Western democracies, was vulnerable to fascism. Though that was over 80 years ago, to borrow from 007, “Never say never, again.”

Temporarily putting aside any nuanced definitions of fascism, we (the U.S.) have a seriously (and intentionally) divided electorate. We also have a free-press that, when not being attacked by those they investigate, often drops the proverbial 4th estate ball, either because they’re slaves to views and clicks, OR because they’re just a shameless pile of propagandizing bullshit, masquerading as news (I’m thinking of a word that rhythms with “cocks”).

Plus, there are internal, undermining influences directed toward certain departments within the executive branch, compounded with the questionable alliance among branches.

Oh! Not to mention we have a massive and growing economic chasm between the infamous wealthy elites and… the rest of us unwashed hobos.

What could go wrong?

Welp, I don’t know about you, but I’m depressed. Let’s take a short break and look at this adorable piglet:

Shit. Even she’s depressed.
A particularly confounding issue when attempting to a) recognize and b) avoid fascist dictators is: Authoritarian rule doesn’t necessarily happen overnight. It doesn’t make a grand entrance à la Darth Vader, clad in black, wheezing like some obscene robo-caller. And it isn’t always surrounded by a bunch of obvious minions whose uniforms are straight out of the “emotionally-stunted, failed art student with abusive, authoritarian father” collection.

I’m getting to the point where I honestly worry some folks wouldn’t even bat an eye at a “villain” whose arrival is marked by a clap of thunder, a cloud of smoke and the smell of sulfur. And then, even if his oratory sounded like a Beatles’ record played backward — assuming he chanted “USA” a few times — they’d fucking vote for him.

Point is: dictatorships, absent an immediate political or military coup, can take time to materialize.

Generally it starts, like all great marketing campaigns, with a message. But not just any message: *“Do the Dew,” *for instance, won’t cut it. It has to be a message that exploits anger and fear, born of some real or imagined injury, that then gives the recipient of that message an easy scapegoat — a vulnerable target of their fury (who lacks significant political influence).

But a message isn’t enough. You also need an amoral, effusive shitstain willing to deliver that message, over and over. He must manipulate that anger into a weapon of division by pressing on the wound, encouraging infection, while pointing and shouting, “It’s them! They’re doing this to you!” Because how else will he wind his base into a maelstrom of rabid tweeting, Facebook posting, and belligerent rage?

Another fundamental ingredient is the abundant cooperation of others in positions of seemingly legitimate power, who enable and support the fascist (for some reason, I keep picturing a turtle wearing glasses, pretending to be a U.S. Senator. So weird).

Further, the fascist will eventually undermine and ultimately dismantle any established checks and balances or democratic norms, but not before he exploits inherent weaknesses in these systems to advance his ascension.

For example, let’s say both you and your cat, Mr. Paw Paws (von Cuddlebutt) want to be president of your book club. Just go with me here.

You, a non-fascist, blithely assume Mr. Paw Paws won’t suddenly push you down a flight of stairs because it’s an unwritten rule that you don’t push each other down things and what kind of a douche would do that just to be president of a shitty little book club? Plus, he doesn’t appear to have the necessary upper body strength.

So you, a benign, non-fascist person, keep assuming you can safely stand next to Mr. Paw Paws at the top of the stairs. But one day, he shoves your trusting ass.

Now, as you lie in traction, Mr. Paw Paws becomes president of the book club and decides the club needs a new rule: “no more people standing next to the president at the top of the stairs” — unless President Paw Paws temporarily changes his mind (he’s easily bribed with Friskies Party Mix). And anyone violating or questioning his new decree will also be pushed down the fucking stairs.

Okay, so this is a very weird and painfully over-simplified analogy, but the point is: unwritten rules, gentlemen’s agreements, and traditional mores may serve a short-term purpose for a fascist, but eventually somebody (or something) is, metaphorically, falling down some stairs.

Also, throughout the animal kingdom, domestic cats are the biggest fascists (though really adorable and, I would argue, innocuous ones).

So, We Avoid Fascist Dictators by…um… give me a minute. Not Letting Cats Use Stairs?

**A. **Recognize the inherent dangers of allowing any singular party or ideology to govern unchecked. Absolute power and all that.

Though two parties aren’t ideal either as there’s too much opportunity for a melding of the two or for the “alternative” party to morph into a straw man. So maybe aim for three?

Dare I say, four? Five?

And look into some form of proportional representation voting?

This sounds an awful lot like the letter I wrote to Santa last year.

B. Substantially address the welfare of all citizens. Specifically the basic needs required for everyone (not just an elite few, and not at the expense of a powerless subsection) to thrive. By actively ignoring such fundamentals of survival, (think health care, economic resources, HBO GO) we further, not only the suffering of the less fortunate, but our collective suffering as well.

Consider the phrase, “There but for the grace of God***** go I,” then add to that, the idea of enlightened self-interest. If we provide a strong infrastructure that helps the most impoverished, then we, in-turn, help ourselves.

********Or whatever you believe. Shit, for all I know, Chef Boyardee sent us his only begotten son, the Flying Beefaroni Monster, and that’s why we have Olive Garden (and Lipitor).*

He comes with unlimited communion breadsticks.
C. Robust public education for all.

How about some meaningful civics courses? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t recall a comprehensive analysis of various forms of government (or economic systems) being part of the curriculum in high school.

Though I will admit that I was a bit of a, well, teenager, in high school. In order to get my attention, you had to make the topic approachable and relatable and not just an exercise in rote memorization.

Or just toss in some Johnny Depp or Nirvana.

D. As painful as it may be, stay informed.

If a population is encouraged to be intellectually curious, socially-conscious, educated by a variety of diverse resources and, if such habits are established early-on, they will not be so easily swayed by cruel solutions offered by an autocrat. And they will not readily succumb to the lull of sideshows and snake oil.

Or inarticulate, narcissistic, orange blobs.

E. Vote. And make voting easier and more secure.

If you’re one of those weirdos who happen to care about the facts, it’s not voter fraud that’s the true malignancy; it’s voter suppression and election tampering.

Restricting people from voting, or creating barriers which make voting inconvenient or overly complicated, is no way to ensure your government is, in fact, for and by the people.

For more information about election fraud, visit: The Brennan Center for Justice

F. Get all that dark, murky money out of politics.

How? Public campaign financing? Supporting grass-roots candidates that don’t accept dark money?

If we can get enough candidates—the ones that truly represent our interests (and aren’t sponsored by Morgan Stanley, the Koch’s, Northrup Grumman, etc.) into positions of influence, then perhaps we can make some progress.

**G. **And finally: Communication!

Sure, that sounds simple (and uselessly vague).

But wait! I mean talking to those folks with whom you disagree. I know. You’d rather pour hot coffee on your lap while listening to death metal (as performed by The Chipmunks) at 6 am on Saturday morning after a long night of Tequila shooters.

Okay, so it’s a toss up.

And yes, some people are too far-gone to be reasoned with. At our most basic, humans run on fee-fees and irrationality; we don’t really make decisions based on neat and unbiased equations. 2+2 will always = 4… unless you’ve convinced yourself it doesn’t (or an “authority” figure has).

The fact is, those whose political views conflict with our own might be our neighbors, friends, or family and you can’t expect them to just vanish into thin air (leaving behind a weird assortment of camo hats, F-150's, and elated trophy wives). So, for the ones still willing, maybe keeping the lines of communication open is worthwhile.

What I’m really trying to say is: we can never be too complacent, or assume, like the Sinclair Lewis book title, It Can’t Happen Here. There is no quick fix. There is no pill that cures fascism or protects against dictators.

But if there were a pill, it would probably be called: Nomoassholomide… XR.

And it wouldn’t be covered by your insurance.

Those fascists!

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