I need to elaborate on this. Mostly for my own benefit.
I have been wallowing in self pity for a few hours now and I need to get out of it or else I fear that I will be undoing the progress that I feel I have been making.
For weeks now, especially since reading the Dispenza book I have been making a real conscious effort to be present. To focus on what I am doing and to attempt to derail the recurring patterns and dialogues in my mind. And for this to happen. This total brain dead mistake has hit me hard.
One of the patterns that has been a lifelong companion has been the thought that when bad stuff happens to me then I have obviously done something to deserve it. Karma. Cosmic justice. I know it’s not that simple. I have to accept that this happened. It can’t be undone. And it didn’t happen because I am a bad person. But there must be something to learn from this. I need to find something in this that helps me in my struggle to grow and evolve my mind.

If I had swung the boom just a few seconds longer then I would have destroyed a 150 grand catamaran.
No one was injured. Not even myself. It happened in what seemed to be slow motion. I just stepped off as it fell.
The arch that I was lifting was hardly damaged.
I did destroy some of the dock and a POD. But I do have insurance. Since starting the business in 1996 I have never made a claim and I was proud of that. Perhaps that’s one takeaway. Perhaps my pride and confidence is something that I need to be more honest with myself about. I didn’t think it was a problem but I don’t know. Still a little too fresh to figure it out right now.
But I am grateful, thankful that it wasn’t worse. If I had caused injury to anyone I don’t think I could have handled it.
I need to find some perspective.