I suffered from extreme childhood abuse both physical and emotional from both parents. I was majorly convinced that i had BPD for many years. I've been diagnosed bipolar type 1 rapid cycler, ptsd, mdd....i could write you a damn book about it. I feel i prob just have ptsd borderline. I feel mdd and ptsd go hand in hand. Of course I'm going to be majorly depressed about the many things that cause me to have ptsd and basically have a startle response, can't sleep in the bed with another person, beddoor has to be locked with a bell on it, etc etc etc. Constantly on edge, worried about the worst case scenarios, constantly feeling upset people don't take me seriously, or freaking appreciate anything i do. Its tough. Very tough. The internal dialogue alone could drive you crazy. Instead I've somehow managed to basically barrage my way through life. But I'm dysfunctional as fuck. Have a hard time trusting all people and am paranoid. Many of the deep core problens are from the developmental phases. If those didn't occur i would just have "regular depression " from a couple awful things that happened post developmental stage unrelated to my parents. I'm blabbering. Its hard to find someone who can get this i could relate to a lot of what you were saying. And yes, we are basically fucking ourselves. I know I've cut peopke out of my life for no good reason before. To me it was tangible but no one else saw it that way. So now to avoid continued rejection i have gave up trying to get people to understand. This is just how my life is I guess. I am trying to improve. Its hard. Thanks for posting this