Narcissists and Projection
Greetings steemians! Today I would like to talk to you about an issue that has had an immense negative impact on my life in the past-- narcissistic projection. Empaths such as myself seem to attract narcissists like a magnet. These people will seem like the most charismatic and charming people when you first meet them. You will be amazed that this person seems to like and dislike everything you do and almost view the world in the same way. You may even think that you met your soul mate or twin flame, especially if that person introduces you to the concept.
However, this is all an act as the narcissist is never their authentic self and as soon as the narcissist thinks they have you "hooked" they will then turn into a cruel and raging beast. The narcissist then becomes as mean and cruel as they were kind and loving before. This will then turn into a period where they alternate back and forth between extremes, wavering between being the greatest person you've ever met (when they are getting the validation they seek) to judgemental and demeaning. However, they will never apologize for their actions in the bad times. This is when you will start to notice the narcissistic habit of projection.
Projection is a subconscious defense mechanism where someone takes their own negative feelings they have about themselves and imagines that they belong to someone else. While many people are guilty of this to an extent, the narcissist take this to the extreme. Furthermore, they will only do this to those closest to them behind closed doors. These people need the validation of the exterior society and would never show their true face to the outside world.
This can become incredibly confusing to the person who is the target of projection. The narcissist will actually accuse you of what they themselves are doing. If you want to know what a narcissist thinks about themselves, just look at what they accuse others of. These people cannot deal with the cruel, mean, angry and weak person within them and will accuse you of being that. The biggest problem here is that they actually believe this.
Somehow, these people will minimize or completely ignore their own behavior. They will be justified for yelling and demeaning you for hours for something the neighbors did but you try to point out that there behavior towards you is abusive and unacceptable and somehow suddenly you are the abusive one. Them attacking you with weapons is not a problem but you are an abusive criminal when you shut the door on them. They will often resort to calling you mentally unstable, a liar, and manipulative. This is while they are becoming increasingly unstable, spreading lies and trying to manipulate people against you.
It is important to realize that this is not you. You must do what they cannot which is be true to your authentic, kind and loving self. It was these qualities that drew them to you originally as these are the qualities they know they lack. These experiences will leave you feeling drained as the manipulation and abuse is a ploy to vampirically drain your life energy like a leach.
The truth about themselves is what these people cannot stand. The best course of action if you find yourself in this situation is to cut off all contact with the person. You might think that you loved them but the person that you loved doesn't exist. Sever all ties immediately. However, do not expect the problem to end there. Since you know the truth about the narcissist they will likely be afraid you will expose them to other people and will seek to do anything in their power to destroy you. They will lie about you, attack you and act as if you did to them what, in fact, they did to you. Fortunately, the most fatal flaw in these people is that they truly think they are smarter and better than everyone else. They really think that everyone will believe what they say no matter how obvious it is to others.
Chances are good that these people will have little to no prospects for themselves and will seek to build a name for themselves by dragging you down and acting like they are the voice of the abused. Live your truth. Do not be afraid to tell the truth to the people that need to hear it. However, do not confront these people directly as they will attempt to drag you back into the old pattern. If they manage to get under your skin they will use this as evidence that they are the victim. Just go about building a happy life for yourself. Your actions will speak for themselves in time as will theirs.
The best defense against narcissists is the knowledge of the patterns of how these relationships develop. I sincerely hope that this helps someone who is going through what I went through and helps them stop before things go any further. If you find yourself in a situation such as this know that you are not alone. Good luck and happy steeming!
The imaginary world about your GREAT YOU is the one of the bigest problems i think . This people always think they are really the best one and you must give respect and love . Sadly is never so easy to get alway from them . They will call ......text ... and stalk you in order to ruin you . They will use every posible way to hurt you , and belive me even thinking about people like this is stealing your time and positive energy . The true is , many victum continue somehow to love this people long after ............
Yes all of this is true... They will do anything to hurt you. It is very important to realize that the person you thought they were and fell in love with doesn't exist. You have probably never seen the real person as they don't even know who they are.
Its so cool to love an ilussion ........... you stay and hope things will get better . In fact things never get better , as much you give to this people so much more they want , and so much crazy they behave . Many people arent able to love and trust people after having one narcissits in life . I hope i wont be never again with somone like this ......last time i spend years with person like this ....... after it was over i spend even more time of search my mistakes so much guilt they give you in time .
Yes they try to make everything your fault and nothing is ever their fault. Things never get better, they get worse. Glad we don't have to worry about that anymore. Obicham te lubov moja!
Haha acording to people YOU are cruel , manipulative asshole dammmm , am i doeing same mistake again or i am just .......... fake positive and helppfull ?
Obicham te s cjaloto mi surce :)
Yes narcissistic projection is a mofo... If telling the truth is cruel then I am guilty as charged. These people should look in their own backyards though before they point fingers..... but they won't.
Lame , just admit what you are haha ! To let you know there are still normal people around , once who do need to be nothing else but themself . True only hurts when you dont want to acept it . And do not worry just belive in what you are ....... and you are GOOD person. After several years of meat the good and bad in my life really can say you arent cruel , violent or anything like this . I do not say this because i love you , or because i am positive , not even because you manipulated me ever in any way .................. i say it because the way you are and the way you behave. Even narcissists are very good in masking and play roles i dont think you ever did this. I alwredy give you everyting ......... and you never abused it in any way . Thank you for beeing YOU !
I love you so much! You are the most amazing woman. I want to be the man you deserve and treat you like the queen you are... The queen of my heart!
WOW that is crazy true ... thank you guys
This is an important essay, as the most conservative estimate of prevalence of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is 1.6% according to a 2010 study by Dhawan, Kunik, Oldham, & Coverdale at NIH. This statistic suggests your chances of meeting a person with NPD is 1 in every 62 persons in the U.S. The probability is more critical by participation in social media, particularly by empathic individuals that NPD types direct their attention.
The advice is critical, particularly, for humanitarians. Know the symptoms of NPD and once you detect them, follow the author's directive, and I quote:
The reason you should follow this advice is because NPD is a serious mental illness without a cure. Sympathetic social support by well meaning, generous, and caring friends may fuel the disease without professional clinical management.
The only alternative is treatment with a trained professional.
In my personal experience, I have noticed that individuals with NPD express somatoform disorder when friends and companions sever contact. This may manifest as skin lesions, infection, pain, and a variety of dramatic symptoms that debilitate the patient stimulating caring individuals to reconnect. It seems so inhuman to abandon your associate when they have fallen so low. Simply remember this current manifestation is a facet of the disease that is the basis upon which you severed your relationship in the first place. Do not reestablish your association unless a professional therapist is supervising you and the patient. Otherwise, you place yourself in jeopardy.
My opinion in this matter may seem strikingly cold and uncaring at first glance. Who, of good character, would turn their back on an individual so profoundly ill? If you are ready to sacrifice your time, reputation, and health for another---and you believe you have the knowledge and energy to get the patient into therapy, with informed consent, I say more power to you with blessings; however, I will do my best to talk you out of it.
Where we might devote our humanitarian energy is in the political support for better mental health care in the U.S and for more open discussions about mental illness. One of the most harmful forces impacting mental health is privacy laws and the notion that "it is just in their head“ and "they" could make it go away if they tried hard enough. The laws of privacy prevent the public from having a practical understanding of the nature of mental illness, how you live and work with mental illness, and the healthy individual's relationship to a community's support for those who suffer from psychiatric disorders. Thus folk notions arise around words like insane, crazy, and nuts that create a world of misunderstanding that leads to a privacy of isolation.
Today, there are great scientists, musicians, poets, and writers withering away because their families, friends, and associates have rightfully severed all communication with them due to the profound social disorganization that attends NPD. There are those of modest talents no one ever cared to associate beyond the problem phase. We are talking about a total population 5,600,000 individuals that is suspected to be growing by 200K individuals a year according to Medline.
Thanks again to author for this timely essay.
As an empath, I attract these energy vampires too. But I've learned to trust my intuition and read their energy. I got my experience having been married to one in the past.
Yea I almost married 2 back to back.... thank god it was only almost. Was with one for 8 years then ended up in a really similar relationship a few months later. Was much easier to detect the pattern the second time around.
Thank the universe for living and learning right? Cheers to only good people in our lives! ☺️
Indeed... I now have the most amazing and positive woman in my life. I am very happy now.
Cheers to that!
And a lovely day to you both!
This would describe my mother, pretty closely. I can't describe how devastating this has been to my family and myself during the course of our lifetimes. Emotional separation from the narcissist is required in order to heal. Needless to say, this does not bode well for family relationships after the emotional separation. Massive feelings of guilt, doubt, fear, anger, and frustration - for a period of many years - must be sorted through. It is not an easy process. In fact, it is a complete pain in my @$$, on most days of my life.
It seems like there are far too many people using "emotional reasoning" these days. It has taken over the culture and politics.
Great post. This condition seems to be more and more common especially among women in this Instagram age where people are famous for nothing but taking pictures of themselves and every mundane moment in their life. Add to that they are showered with compliments and anyone who says anything that doesn't fit their narcissistic view of reality can be immediately blocked never to be seen again. The fuel of social media and endless adoration is a recipe to create super-narcissists
Great Post. I Think that every woman I've ever gotten to know has been a narcissist. Loving and pleasing at first and immensely cruel later. Thanks.
Are you an empath? We seem to attract them like ants at a picnic.
This article was spot-on. I've also learned that one way to effectively cope with the challenges that stem from having a partner who suffers with narcissism is to eventually cease all forms of communication and contact. It's my understanding that they (narcissists) vie for attention at all costs which takes a huge toll on the person who is non narcissistic and they may need to break away from that unhealthy/ destructive union. Thanks for sharing this post.
Narcissists are the greatest sociopathic manipulators of all time. Having them as parents is soul crushing. Great informative post.
You want to be careful when you cross these categories of abnormal behavior: Narcisissm, Psychopathy, and Sociopathy. After all, if psychologists saw them as the same thing, they would call them the same thing. Here's how I've understood their meanings thus far:
Narcissism is a defensive behavior of denial and projection. It's extreme to the point where the lies and gaslighting are genuinely believed by the perpetrator.
Psychopathy is a lack of empathy. A sort of mirror neuron blindness that lacks the ability to see one's self in others. Has to go out of their way to consciously pretend to care about others and is putting on a show. Personally, I have a hypothesis that a psychopath has the best chance of being reasoned with as long as they can be taught the rational usefulness and self-value that comes from doing what's in the best interests of others.
Sociopathy is someone who has anger issues that are uncapped. They lack empathy like a psychopath and lack self-control like the narcissist. A sociopath harms anyone who is perceived as obstructing or threatening them, which can very well be everyone in their eyes.
These aren't textbook definitions, and to be sure, the textbook definitions are under heavy debate still. It's important to note that each of these neuroses is an event that amounts to an otherwise healthy brain lacking a complex set of inhibitions in the frontal lobe. For that reason, despite being dangerous, you cannot deny that they are human just like you. Sick in the head to the point where you would do best to avoid them more than you avoid a schizophrenic hobo. While there is no known effective treatment, people with mild or moderately functional levels of these mental illnesses have places where they can attempt to get help, regardless.
Individuals without these conditions can easily relate, most likely because we have all of the same instincts that these types of individuals act on. The most powerful method I am aware of that can help with these conditions as well as with dealing with people with these conditions is mindfulness training also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. By remaining fully aware of your mental state, you can protect yourself from yourself and from others whom are being psychologically abusive.
Great post, and good luck!
Yes in this post I was specifically addressing narcissists-- the ones who actually believe their projections. That's actually the difference between gaslighting and projection. While a narcissist's behavior may seem psychopathic but it is actually the empathy and their own conscience that is the root of the problem. They develop a psychotic break between their true actions and what they perceive so as not to have to deal with their guilt and other negative feelings. Of course, the boundaries aren't clearly defined and people can display some elements of narcissism and sociopathy for instance.