Cognitive Dissonance — Understanding Inner Conflicts in Everyday Life

Since my time at medical college, I’ve often recalled a psychology lecture where we were taught about a fascinating manifestation of a person’s internal struggle with their beliefs — a conflict between desires and the inner voice of reason.

At some point, a person encounters a situation where their beliefs clash with reality. They are confident they’re doing the right thing, yet a nagging feeling arises: something is off. This is known as cognitive dissonance — a conflict between what someone thinks and how they act.

For example, imagine someone who values a healthy lifestyle but constantly eats fast food. Each bite of a burger brings a slight discomfort as they try to justify their actions: “Well, I work so hard, this is how I unwind!” Someone splurges on a high-priced item, only to later wrestle with feelings of uncertainty about whether the expense was truly justified. To resolve this doubt, they convince themselves: “It’s high quality, it’ll last me years, it’s a smart investment!”

This discomfort can manifest in many ways, from mild unease to severe stress. But one thing is constant — a person will try to eliminate the feeling. They might change their behaviour, for instance, by giving up fast food if their beliefs are strong enough. Or they might rationalise their actions: “It’s not as harmful as people say.” Sometimes, people simply ignore contradictions, pretending the problem doesn’t exist.

Cognitive dissonance is not only a source of discomfort but also a powerful motivator. It compels people to change, rethink their views, or improve their behaviour. However, if a person is unwilling to change, they may get stuck in an endless cycle of justifications, avoiding real solutions.

In life, this phenomenon is everywhere: in shopping, relationships, work, and politics. Cognitive dissonance makes us question ourselves, reassess our values, and occasionally make significant decisions. While it’s not easy to live with this feeling, it can help us grow if we learn to understand ourselves and our internal conflicts.

Now, I’d like to give some examples of psychological influence on people in marketing. This seemingly subtle influence on consumers evokes very mixed emotions and encourages specific actions.

Imagine stepping into a store and spotting a striking sign that reads: “Still stuck with regular soap? Upgrade to our shower gel today!” Instantly, a thought crosses your mind: “Wait, am I making a mistake? Is regular soap old-fashioned now?” This marks the beginning — planting doubt about your current choice. A subtle unease creeps in, nudging you to believe that purchasing the new product will erase that discomfort.

Or consider another scenario. You’ve just invested in a pricey coffee machine. Once you get home, the questions begin: “Was this really worth it? Did I spend too much?” But the marketers were ready for this moment. The box proudly declares: “Sleek design, crafted with Italian precision, backed by a 10-year guarantee.” These features reinforce a perception of quality, easing your doubts. You reassure yourself that the purchase was a smart decision.

Now imagine an advert saying: “Real parents choose only organic products for their children.” A simple phrase, but it seems to question your care for your family. A thought creeps in: “If I choose something different, does that make me an inadequate parent?” This sense of guilt becomes a potent force, driving you toward the decision to buy.

Another clever trick is exclusivity. You see an advert: “Only 50 units available for a select few.” Even if you hadn’t planned on buying anything, the thought of missing out on something unique creates dissonance. You feel you must make the purchase, or you’ll regret it.

This is how marketing exploits our internal conflicts. It creates situations where we feel our choices, actions, or lifestyle are imperfect. And the solution is always the same — buy what the advert suggests to feel confident and in the right again.

Influencing people’s emotions and behaviour isn’t limited to commercial purposes. It’s worse when it happens in places where you expect to feel secure, where mutual understanding and reciprocity should prevail — in family relationships.

Manipulation through cognitive dissonance in relationships often starts with subtly undermining confidence in someone’s beliefs or decisions. This can be done through questions that provoke self-doubt or by highlighting contradictions between words and actions. When someone experiences inner conflict, they feel discomfort and seek to resolve it.

This often manifests as comparisons: for example, one partner emphasises how their expectations or standards don’t align with reality. This creates a desire to justify oneself or change behaviour to close the gap. Gradually, it starts to feel like harmony can only be restored by accepting the manipulator’s perspective.

This method’s power comes from its subtle nature. The person may not even realise their perception has been influenced by their partner. However, the consequences can be severe: dependency forms, self-confidence diminishes, and decisions are made not based on personal desires but on a need to meet imposed expectations.

This process is particularly dangerous if used systematically. Over time, it erodes the foundation of the relationship, turning it into a one-sided dynamic where the balance of power inevitably shifts.

For example, one partner says to the other: “You’ve always said honesty is most important to you. Shouldn’t you have told me about this straight away instead of hiding it?” This creates an internal conflict, as the person who values honesty begins to doubt the correctness of their actions and may change their behaviour to please their partner.

Another example: a partner states, “You said you wanted our relationship to be strong. So why aren’t you trying harder?” This provokes dissonance between the desire to maintain the relationship and the feeling that their efforts are insufficient, even if this isn’t true.

And yet another situation: during a discussion, one partner compares the other’s behaviour to an “ideal” image: “I’ve heard other people handle these situations differently. Why aren’t we like that? Don’t you want things to be better?” This causes doubt about the validity of current behaviour and creates a drive to meet the imposed standard.

These examples demonstrate how cognitive dissonance generates pressure, pushing someone to act in ways that benefit the other partner, even if it contradicts their own desires or needs.