RE: Psychology Addict # 59 | Discussing Modern Caregiving.
It's not so terribly long! That study with the math problems is very interesting. A slight change in wording.
All three of my children responded to different parenting styles. The first was so easy! It was enough to just say a short word about negative behavior, and she never did it again, but to a fault - now she shorts herself in order to please others. So this was her nature from the beginning.
When the second one came along and expressing displeasure alone was not enough to stop the unwanted behavior, I had to add discipline, which I was not good at. I know there were parents who thought I was too soft on him, but he is today one of the most compassionate, considerate and kind people I know, also to a fault - he just told me last night that he speaks so little because he is afraid to offend. Was it something I said or did that made him afraid to speak up?
The third was the worst of them all. She lied, she stole, she bullied, I got a call from the school one day when she was in third grade that she had put her hands around the neck of a fellow student and squeezed. They made my whole family go to therapy for this! Talk about punishment. But, that was the end of her bad behavior. She has turned out to be a warrior for good too, with a teensy anger management problem.
Parenting styles have to work for the parent as well. If one is not comfortable being "mean", perhaps because their childhood was so full of cruelty, then discipline is difficult. I am one of these.
I'd have liked your nephew at least to have been told it's not OK to go through anyone else's stuff though. It doesn't seem anything like this was said. Is it possible Alice is uncomfortable with saying a critical comment to her son in front of you? I know my choices were impacted by whoever was present, I considered what THAT adult would like me to do before I did anything. Those were the times I made my worst mistakes too.
No way about that school! How did anyone get through their days? That sounds like the hardest place in the world to teach kids, never saying no? How is that possible? How can a child go into the world never having been told "no"?
Lots to think about in here. Thanks.
Adrian & Alice are not family. She is a good friend. And what you said is a very valid point "she might not have wanted to say anything because I was there". Maybe for the very reason that I'm not family (?). Although, because Adrian had done a similar things to Nora (a common friend of ours) I thought to myself that he has never been challenged about going through guests' bags. But, who knows!
Now, about the school!! That is family! My nephew is the one who likes leaving tapps running 🙄 and that is where I put my nose in! His parents where very disappointed with the school's approach too. But, J.P knows better now :)
It was very interesting reading about how different from one another your children were, and how they all turned out to be kind, loving people <3 But, that is not mystery there, is it? Overall they were all loved, disciplined and cared for.
The point you made about parenting styles having to work for the parent as well is an extremely important one! Thank you for bringing it up. I agree with this. That is why it's paramount for parents to be brave enough to open their eyes to their children's little flaws (as you seem to have been with your third child). Otherwise, they can end up being controlled by their own children. I have seen a few cases like this.
Thank you @owasco, for this lovely, insightful comment.
Take care <3
It's always my pleasure to visit your posts. I actually look forward to Thursdays!
❤ :)