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RE: Thoughts about polyamory and children
There was an article in the "Ha'aretz" weekend version about a month ago about communes in Germany, and co-raising children, including that sometimes families leave to other communes. I dunno, maybe the idea of "freely" raising the child, but not like parents. More like uncles. But this is not what you raise here.
It's always about trust. And sadly, yes, it means thinking of the worst outcomes, even if you don't think they'll occur.
As for Gender, just by name. I personally don't think calling someone "mom" or "dad" is necessarily more powerful than calling them by their name, after all, our significant others usually call us by our names, do they not? I think that's a myth to rival the "White Wedding" one that Hollywood sells.
I grew up in a commune, so I know all about how that works. You may have other authority figures but they are a step away from parents. It can work, but it can also be particularly soul wrenching when the tie is severed. I know someone who went through that. Had a relationship with a couple that had a child, and was sort of a co-parent. She had a falling out with the mother, and she in told told her she can't see the child anymore.
There is trust, yes, but it's nice to have law to turn to in case of need. I don't want it to get to that, obviously.
I call my mom by her name, and refer to her by her name a lot when talking to other people, but I still eed to clarify she's my mother, just like I clarify my significant others are significant others.
Have a lawyer draw up an agreement beforehand. It may not be legally binding. But it means things need to go really awry for the other side to challenge them. So it can help. Though yes, there is the cost in trust of drawing it up. But honestly? I think the emotional cost of going into such an endeavor is so high that you have to be ready for such a thing to not rock it anyway.
"Parent." "They are my parent."
Huh, apparently Parent is not gendered in hebrew. Neat.