The Truth About Your Ex Girlfriend
Your ex sucks. There it is-- somebody had to say it. The first step toward getting over your ex will be to understand that you don’t want her back. To do that, you have to realize that she sucks. How does she suck? Indisputably, the facts are:
- She decided, in breaking up with you, that she’d rather be alone (or with someone else) than you or
- She thinks there is someone else out there that is better for her or
- She doesn’t like you as much as you like her
If you think about the three facts above and you are 100% honest with yourself, you’ll realize that at least one of them is true. And unless you are some sort of spineless wimp, you know, deep inside, that you deserve someone else who is better.
At this point, some of you may be offended. I don’t, however, give a rat’s ass whether your ex baked you oatmeal cookies or heated up some canned chicken soup for you when you were sick. Believe me, there’s a girl out there who makes a meaner cookie and will serve you soup that won’t put your kidneys into sodium control overdrive. Plus, her past good acts can’t make up for general crappiness (see 1-3). That’s like saying “he treated me nicely when he wasn’t beating me” or “she was really faithful until I caught her cheating.”
Her cookies aren't that special anyway
Of course, if you already realize that your ex sucks, you’re already 80% over her. You’re probably fine, and should probably focus on learning to riding motorcycles, running marathons, or going 6+ rounds in a boxing ring- basically, stuff that will increase your badassery. If you’re not quite there yet, read on.
Wanting to get back with your ex is a self-defeating game. It’s like trying to re-recruit a player who’s decommitted from your college basketball team. That player doesn’t really want to join up, and even she does, she’ll take bad shots, never rebound or play defense, and generally act like a little bitch. Even after shooting 3 for 14, she’ll demand more minutes next game and jack up more crappy shots. Why? Because you were a pansy. You came groveling back because you were desperate, and the she knows it. What’ll happen is she knows he can get away with all sorts of shit, so she’ll run your team all the way to the ground, taking you with it. In all the years that I’ve observed my friends getting re-recruiting their exes, almost none have succeeded. It’s like duct-taping a bumper back onto your old Buick: it’s only a matter of time before that thing falls off and goes clanking down the road. Relationships aren’t like broken collarbones: they don’t grow back stronger.
Your ex is like a Scottish nobleman from Braveheart. Remember the scene from Braveheart where the Scottish noblemen turn away from the battle right when William Wallace need them? Your ex is just like that:: when times got tough, she hightailed it. She didn’t want to ride into battle for you, and she’s decided that she wants all her cookies to herself (especially if they are any good).
William Wallace is not a pansy
Importantly, William Wallace didn’t spend the rest of the movie begging and pleading and buying the nobles flowers. He didn’t make them a mixtape of old Scottish folk songs they used to listen to together. He didn’t cook them their favorite dishes or write them love letters. Although battered and beaten, Wallace moved on with his life and maintained focus on his goal, which was to defeat the English and liberate his people. Wallace wasn’t a pansy; he didn’t let the Bruce’s betrayal beat him. He spent at least 15 more minutes whooping some enemy ass in whatever way he could. He even got revenge on some of those nobles (not recommended; this will be discussed in another article). In fact, Wallace was captured and eventually beaten, drawn, and quartered, because he went back and tried to reconcile with one of the noblemen (Robert the Bruce). His weakness was that he decided to go back to- even for a short while- someone who had already betrayed him.
That flaw lead to his downfall. Don’t let it be yours too.
Note: It’s possible that Wallace being able to move on from the early loss of his childhood sweetheart, Murron MacClannough, opened the door to romancing Princess Isabelle of France. That could be you.