Some things we just have to take by faith. I type on a computer. Do I understand why it works. Maybe a little, I know there is code, computer chips, and electricity. But honestly, I do not understand how every piece of it works. I take it by faith. The same happens when I drive a car. I can't explain every piece of my car, I take it by faith that the engineer who make the car made it work. If I needed a full explanation for everything I would not be able to do anything. In life, I trust in God. It beats trusting in Man, it beats trusting in myself. I have seen the effects of trusting in men (Bad Kings), and they are not good. Ultimately, everything comes down to faith. People believe evolution by faith, they believe in Christ by faith, they believe in idols by faith. The questions you struggle with are questions many men have struggled with. They have struggle for many years. To think I or you will suddenly be able to answer all questions is foolish. We are not that smart. We are not going to solve age old questions of men in an internet forum. That said, there is a design in men and the world around us. I see the design, know there is a designer. If there is a designer, what were we created for? To love God, help each other. Many has failed many times and he continues to fail. God offers forgiveness to those failings like a loving father... It is not about me being Good enough because i will never be good enough, it is about Christ who took the cost of sin in my place being good enough. I am not perfect, I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I live in Jesus and he lives in me.