Why I No Longer Consider Myself “Christian”
I was raised Southern Baptist, moved to Non-Denominational in my 20s, but after some serious pondering, I no longer consider myself Christian. I still believe in the historical Jesus, but I have some serious doubts about His role in my life, and in the Bible. I will cover these topics below.
First, I have so many physical and mental infirmities that I suffer endlessly, and I am becoming convinced that my religious experiences were actually bi-polar or schizophrenic episodes that went undiagnosed. I have had several experiences where I was convinced that God spoke directly to me. Once was convinced that it was the end of the world, and that I was one of the two witnesses of Revelation. Likewise, I responded to a call to ministry in 2006, and I remembered hearing from God that I would one day have a huge influence. In short, these two examples are possible bi-polar episodes that went undiagnosed. Who am I to think that I would actually be that special? This is typical of bi-polar manics, which I believe they were.
Second, I have many doubts about the Bible. I think of the verse where Jesus talks about how he clothes the lilies and feeds the birds, so do not worry about those things because he will provide. However, people are enslaved to a working system that is very corrupted, and people die of hunger every couple seconds. Did God forget about them? Also, the God of the Old Testament was a God of war. There seems to be little room for that in the New Testament. Romans 13 even says that leaders are “appointed” by God and should be obeyed. So Nero, Hitler, Stalin and others were appointed. Not just allowed. Appointed. As a veteran, at what point is it / was it wrong for me to pick up a rifle a fight appointed tyranny?
There are times I am still tempted to start a revolution. That got me thrown in the looney bin real quick. Oh, and I can’t own guns anymore. Imagine that.
I could keep a shallow faith that echos something like, “What would Jesus do?” but that is just it, I am not sure what Jesus would do anymore. I really think Jesus would fight the oppressive government that continues to rule the United States, or, at least, fight the corporations that bought them out. Why He doesn’t is beyond me.
Finally, in the first century, people didn’t self-identify as Christians. They considered themselves followers of “the way.” Acts 11:26 tells us “they were first called Christians at Antioch.” I have read this and always supposed that the people of Antioch believed Christ rose from the dead and cloned himself into abunch of people with different names. These early disciples didn’t give themselves this label, it was given to them by the “lost” people around them. I don’t consider myself a Christian, but if someone called me one, I would take it as a compliment and an honor.
I have been struggling with this for many years, but there eventually came a point this year where I decided, that I just don’t believe it anymore. I want to believe, but my faith has just given out. There are so many religions, and so many different sub-sects of Christianity, and they are all convinced that they are right. Who is? Who knows. All I know is that if God is real, and He really cares about His people, He wouldn’t have left them guessing. That’s my story and I am sticking to it…for now.
"Look, an hour is coming and has already come when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and you will leave Me all alone. Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take courage; I have overcome the world!” -- Jesus Christ
The important thing to remember is that this present darkness is only temporary. We are playing on a spiritual battlefield with temporary flesh and blood "avatars" that will be replaced with better permanent ones when the battle is over.
So, we shouldn't make eternal decisions based on what amounts to a temporary "video game" where bad stuff is allowed to happen for long term reasons.
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.”
Hey Stan. I am not making this decision lightly. I still hope and long for salvation, whether in this life or in the end. I am just saying that after considering several things -- things observed in the world around me, and observed in the Bible -- then I can no longer label myself a Christian because I do not believe it anymore. I still look back on several of my encounters with God, and wonder if they really were encounters with God. I hope so, but if not, then they can be explained by my mental illnesses. Thanks for quoting scripture and trying to encourage me. I greatly appreciate your boldness and passion.
It's OK not to believe - welcome to the world of the agnostics, who are the majority in the western world.
Have you managed to get medical help for your bi-polar? Religion might not work, but science frequently does. Take care
I have gotten help for my mental disorders. I am not entirely happy with it, but my bi-polar medicine seems to work. At least, if I come off of it I go into a manic or depressive episode. Science is cool, and I still believe that something is out there, but I am just not sure how to express it. If that makes me agnostic, then so be it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
God gave us free will. Those horrible things that happen to people are done at the hand of other humans. There's a part in the bible where people want a leader because other people have leaders so God appointed the position sure, that is our choice. Hitler and Stalin had their power because humans wanted them to.. humans put them there.. humans supported those and their evil. The reason he says to obey is because it's better than doing something stupid and immoral and losing your soul. There's lots of parts that also say this life is nothing compared to what comes next, so dealing with the pain and suffering is minuscule compared to dealing with it eternally. :)
Thanks protestandrebel. I understand that God gave us leaders. You are referring to 1 Samuel 8:22. As far as I could tell, this applied to Israel, not to the whole world. The rest of the world had leaders, and Israel wanted to be like them, instead of letting God be their leader. I just find it difficult to look at all the evil around me and think, "God must be in control." I would think that if He were, then there wouldn't be so much evil. We have free will, but at what point does He put a stop to it? These are the things I think about.
Yes it was for Israel, so I don't know if He ever wanted us to have leaders or he gave them because it's what we want. I'm a christian anarchist, and honestly I find they go hand in hand. :) There have been times he put a stop to it and still got called evil. Noahs ark, he let the"good" family survive while killing the "bad" people, gets called evil. Or how when He first created humans we were perfect and not sinful, and he told us not the eat the forbidden fruits. He didn't want us to live in sin like this, but He gets called evil for making that rule to prevent it because it was 'real free will'... So they way I see it, we chose this life, and it is short. We will all suffer, and many things will not seem fair, but God offers us all salvation so we don't have to live like this forever. That's how he puts a stop to it. :) I think about them too, you're not alone.
Well, it's nice to meet you. I am an anarchist, as well. This has been a recent revelation, but I think it was merely that, a revelation. I think I was always an anarchist, I just didn't know it until someone pointed it out to me. Something else I think about, those found in Christ are adopted into the family of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel.
Likewise! And that's great. I already held anarchist beliefs (like taxation is theft) and all I had to do was let go of the lies I had been told my whole life. But I had my revelation when I was around 14. And that I haven't thought about much, but I'll add it to my list. ;)
Thanks for the add. I will add back. It's always refreshing to meet people that see things similarly to me. Unfortunately, I don't find many people online, muchless in person.
It was neither the intent of Christ nor the early church to turn their faith and hope into a religion. Religion destroys the faith of many.