My Religiously Confused Childhood

in #religion7 years ago (edited)

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I grew up in a bit of religious confusion and eventual abuse. My mom was catholic, my dad baptist. Neither of them actively went to church and so obviously my brothers and I didn’t go. I don’t regret this as to seeing some of the effect of going had on others. When asked if I believed in God I answered honestly by saying “I don’t know.” This was usually followed by “You’re going to Hell.” from both other children and adults. Now imagine the effect that would have on a child. These people are saying bad things to me, they hate me because I’m not like them. I don’t share their views and so automatically I’m a bad person.

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My 1st kickboxing instructor called himself a recovering catholic. He tells this story of how he went to Sunday school and had asked a nun why the 10 Commandments were different in 2 books. The nun quickly chastised him saying “God doesn’t like people who question him” and proceeded to whip him. This I feel was not an appropriate response to a simple question. A few days go by and my instructor got bit by a dog on the way home from school. The nun heard about it and told him that God had punished him. Here my instructor is 9 years old and was just told God put a hit out on him using Lassie. That’s just wrong. Took him years to have an independent thought again regarding religion and his own personal interpretation. He was simply too scared… and possibly scarred.

But back to me, where do I sit on religion? Still not sure really but what I did know is that my parents raised me to be nice to others, don’t start trouble and don’t go looking for fights. So I simply just didn’t talk to anyone about it. I knew something was wrong, I read the Bible. Surely this negative experience was not the standard christian attitude. I decided to watch others and see if I saw a more positive outlook and my views were dimmed further. I saw people who went to church every Sunday and broke every Commandment by Tuesday. They spoke badly about the poor, they spoke badly about friends behind their back, and did not really embody one iota of what the book preached. But they went to church, they put money in the collection plate and they had so many crosses and religious symbolism around the house it looked like the Vatican had thrown up in there.

From the time I was 9 to 18, every time I tried to talk to someone about religion and ask questions of faith I was slammed on. It wasn’t a conversation, I was dictated to. I actually had some parents stop their kids from playing with me and my brothers because we weren’t the “good church people”. I started to understand there was growing intolerance towards those who were unsure. Again going back to how my parents raised me. I didn’t want to be like these people. Such hate for those who are different from them, it was rather sickening. I did not and do not see the world as divisions due to faith, color, creed, sexual orientation etc. What I see is a lot of different people who deserve every right I do and every right to life.

Furthering my own research as a teenager I learned a few startling things. The Mormon Church leader Brigham Young taught that God would curse those who married someone of the black race. That God had taken rights away from the black race.
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In certain Pentecostal churches here (Texas) it is frowned upon as well for a white and black church member to get married. It is encouraged that the black church members stick together so to speak. They should try to meet someone to marry and bring that person into the church. And don’t get me started on the speaking in tongue stuff. I will never understand that.I also did not agree with either religion's view on women. Sorry I prefer to think both sexes are equal.

My view of the christian religion was very jaded. Intolerance ran rampant, those claiming to be devout were not so much and some of the very doctrine I saw was sexist, racist and downright 13th century thinking. I just couldn’t get behind it…. At all. The experience I had contradicted the values my parents instilled in me. And so I have grown up over the years in a witness protection of a sense. I didn’t really ask questions or express my views. I have friends of various races, creed and religions but I dare not bring it up. I didn’t want to lose friends over something I found to be trivial.

Since that time I have met others who are better examples of various religious organizations. And while we may not agree on certain things we can have good peaceful conversations and I do not think they are bad people, just different. And different doesn’t mean bad. It means they have a different view and we respect each others right to choose our own beliefs.

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If you were to replace the perspective of "Nationality" instead of "Religion". I think your perspective might improve.

You see it is akin to be American, we have certain right and restrictions. Some might seem intrusive to a few, but a certain amount of restraint is required to maintain the American experiment in what has become known today as "Freedom".

Likewise in the "Nationalists" who deny certain rights and freedoms. They might seem way off base and you might think that they are just wrong because of your indoctrination in how you were raised. Your traditions, your perspective and even the way in which you think has been encouraged to follow a certain path. That path you walk is like the standard in which you live. The Authority or power of persuasion as well as perspective is the Sovereignity in that walk.

I also have tried the "urch" (purposely misspelled as a breaking sound and "stop church") and was asked to leave every one for some of the same reasons you shared. We can not reason together with the religious, because they are mostly unreasonable in their abstract metaphors, symbolism and western philosophies which are all alien to the thinking in ancient times. But what I have done is gone all the way back to the most original writings that I could find and in the original language often titled as "Paleo Hebrew" a moniker not supported by the Authors, but are of a Jewish tradition so are in my eyes moot, is most astonishing.

So I am learning the language / tongue and what revelations I have found boggles the mind. No translation in "scripture" is even close to the original. Much dogma, religious propaganda as well as pagan traditions have found their way into this treasure in Sovereign Wisdom. They have corrupted it so much that the two do not even resemble each other.

So in closing let me say that I am not a religious man, but my Lifestyle emulates that ancient path in which we are instructed to walk by our Sovereign Creator who I have learned to call Yahuah. His Nation / Family of people are bound to his Sovereign Rule and they abide in him because he has their best interest as his primary objective. They are called by his name "Bni Yahuah" (Sons / Daughters of "GOD"). I seek not the wisdom of mankind but from my Creator alone, for in him all truth is established, his wisdom is unsurpassed and he never changes.

May Yahuah bless you as you search and may he show you his way,
Eliyahu Ben YHWH
SE Oklahoma

I appreciate the reply, that is a very interesting view point. Nice to see another who has experienced some of the things I have. I do feel that the original teachings have been lost in translation today. I am a progressive person by nature but I wish I could find a close to the original text I can to compare it to today's teachings. So many off shoots of various religions have claimed to know the true faith but they all fall short due to their own greed(its a business) and the personality defaults of most of their congregations.

Dude i don't know what you're talking about.

Nothing is more damaging to True saving faith in the word of God (KJ V) and Jesus Christ then organized religion and the hypocrites that practice it.

Churches are usually just social clubs of un-saved professing Christians.

Get saved or go to hell, no church buildings, no tithing, no ancient languages or other unnessisary decieving overcomplications. Just the King James Bible and the plain teachings of scripture rightly divided according to dispensation.

1 Timothy 2:5 KJV
For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;

John 14:6 KJV
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

After having spent 5 decades on the Earth, all I can say about spiritual matters is I don't know and to me that is ok. I am learning also like you said that different doesn't have to mean bad. The more I live, the more everything seems to boil down to physics, chemistry and math...

I see how you feel i grew up in a christian household but i never saw the reasoning behind the scare tactic for 3 reasons. 1 if you want people to love and follow this religion idk if fear is the way to go more rather then love (especially since thats what the propghet jesus taught). 2 Jesus had to be a highly intellegent being and he was if you read what he taught so idk if he meant hell as in the next realm or in the sense of being unenlightened. 3 for those who think that god or jesus would hate anyone is not only contradictive but just plain wrong. I also want to point out that ive studied the bible and different translations since i was a kid but i dont consider myself a christian just a student of philosophy. Thank you for posting about this topic.