Scientific Proof That Conspiracy Theorists Are Mentally Retarded

in #satire7 years ago (edited)


Scientists have long been baffled by the ever-growing number of people in society who are unable to disregard fake news. These unfortunate beings have a tendency to believe any wild theory cooked up by the Russian and Iranian propaganda machines. It doesn't even matter if their government hold a press conference and explicitly deny the claims made against them, still, the conspiracy theorists of the world foolishly choose not to believe it.

Thanks to a breakthrough in the field of neurobiology, we finally have an understanding of the confusion that is afflicting a rising number of the world's population.

Researchers at the Institute of LIES(Learned Interpretations of Evolutionary Science) have developed a new type of brain scan that uses fourth-dimensional atomic radiation to analyse organic matter. What this new technology has uncovered is truly spectacular.



Through the comparison of normal brains and the brains of conspiracy theorists , scientists have concluded that the latter suffers from an undeveloped cerebral cortex.

The cause of the anomaly is yet to be discovered, but the evidence reveals that conspiracy theorists are all missing a vital part of their brain. The missing region is responsible for "in-the-box thinking," and without it, subjects exhibit a tendency to allow their imaginations to run free. This can often lead to questions about answers that they have already been given, and answers about questions that no normal person would ask.

In addition to the missing tissue, researchers at LIES also discovered conspiracy theorists to have a chemical imbalance within the body, resulting in a blind faith deficiency and elevated levels of skepticism.

The development of treatments for the illness are underway, with hypnosis being cited as a potential method to restore normal brain function.

Conspiracy theorists on Reddit, Steemit and YouTube have attacked the veracity of the institute's research over the past 24 hours, We can confirm that the integrity of the Institute of LIES is unquestionable, as they have been in receipt of annual funding from both the government and the philanthropic Rockefeller foundation for many years.

Obviously, these organizations would not be funding the research at LIES if it was not a reputable body of science. It is not like they would stand to benefit in any way from these findings..







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Further studies show that those with the missing component to their brain also forget to use certain terms and words that have been approved by an institute closely related to LIES called P.C.. Terms such as retarded.

In the manual for P.C. conduct it specifically states that the term retard has been outlawed and replaced with Handicap.

LOL

I'm fairly sure that even handicap is considered offensive now. They're handi-capable you insensitive fuck. lol.

Oh damn, I guess I just exposed my missing component to the brain!

OMG! I can imagine the amount of steemians who will feel the need to have their head examined after reading your post . LOL!

This supports my previously held beliefs, so I agree with it.

The missing region is responsible for "in-the-box thinking," and without it, subjects exhibit a tendency to allow their imaginations to run free.

No wonder why sometimes my imagination runs free. Maybe I'm one of them?! JK! lol!

Brilliant!
I've been suspecting there's something wrong with me for quite some time. I'm making a doctor's appointment to have those high levels of skepticism checked!

Hehe, If belgian journalists would read this, they would believe it and it would appear in the newspaper... Love it!

Haha. Pretty funny, this almost looks like something MSM would seriously post. Back inside the box everyone! Upvoted

Seems plausible but you didn't add any sources to any of the studies you mentioned. How can you call people retarded you don't even know how to cite sources properly.

I don't need sources. This is obviously 100% factual. Anyone with any logic can obviously tell that..

LOL

Lol you know what realy suprises me, how many conspiracists that lack, "blind faith," but are balls deep in the Jesus myth. What a bizzare combo.

I know. Pastafarian is the only religion that makes any sort of logical sense.

The greath spaghetti cometh

Theory: Flat Earther = Flat Brain? Hmm......