Disclaimer: The article contains mild sexual content, in text and photos, that might cause you to get out of your comfort zone. Like all my posts.

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Hello,

I need to ask you something, David.

I come from a conservative family. Sex is taboo in our home; we seldom talk about it. My mother has never explained to me the "facts of life" and about the female body and except for necessary things (like buying my first bra) she refused to talk about "those things". She says that sex is a dangerous, primitive and animalistic drive and a woman should keep her sexual impulses inside; that a woman should watch out for and control how she expresses herself; that a woman should be modest. I am a curious person so I had to find everything out by myself because I can't even ask my married sister who holds the same attitudes as my mother.

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Nowadays I am married to a man whom I love and respect. He is well educated and reads a lot and I enjoy his company. However, in bed, I feel that I am not good enough because I am very shy with him. He wants to explore our bodies and to talk about things that I have always been taught should not be discussed. My husband says that sexuality is a gift from God and humans should celebrate it and not ban it and shut it away in secret chambers.

I am confused and don't know what to do. I enjoy being with my husband and I want to please him but I find it difficult to go against the beliefs I was raised with. Who is right? My mother and sister or my husband?

Thank you,

Fatima

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Fatima,

There is so much ignorance in the world about sexuality that I don't know where to begin. Thank you for this question which, I hope, will begin to shift some things.

Your question is asked on behalf of many women who live in traditional societies that are running to catch up with western progress. These traditional societies are not always so primitive and your mother's advice was surely given with good intentions. But closer observation is needed.

Sexuality is a natural part of life. The sex drive that both women and men feel is one way that the force of life expresses itself. As such it is a necessity of life just like food and drink that flow through your body.

The worldviews of your mother and many like her do not really originate in sexuality. They are actually founded upon and derived from a deeper stance towards the Self and the role of the human in the world. For many reasons, people have been taught to disregard their inner worth and to distrust the inner self and its manifestations. Some are led by the dogma that emphasizes the sinful self and sees man as a creature contaminated by original sin even before birth. It is likely that such people perceive themselves as sinners innately driven by evil forces. Sexuality is considered a hidden part of a barbarous self and therefore should be kept within bounds and not expressed freely and innocently as it was meant to be.

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Many schools of religion and so-called esoteric knowledge have promoted the idea that sexuality and spirituality were diametrically opposed to each other (people in the sports arena often encourage the thought that sexual expression is somehow debilitating to the male and can weaken his condition). The fact is that sexual expression is, again, an important element in the entire range of human experience, encouraging mental and physical health and vitality. Some people may have a weaker or stronger sex drive than others and yet that drive is a strong part of any individual natural rhythm. Dammed up, such sexuality still keeps trying to express itself and might erupt in twisted ways.

Those with the beliefs just mentioned often think of sexuality as bestial, evil and even humiliating. These attitudes are most intense where the female sex is concerned. You have a strong and healthy drive toward sexuality, and if you believe that it is to be shunned at the same time, then you are in a very ambiguous position. Incidentally, women with such beliefs and conflicts often wind up having hysterectomies.

The dogma was promoted by the churches. They knew how powerful the force of the dragon is, how sexuality is a jumping board towards realization and mastery! They were afraid to lose their grip on the masses. Therefore, they connected sexuality, and women, with evil. Inserting guilt and shame into the minds of the people, which caused them, you and many others, to fear their sexuality or at least ignore it. Women, in general, carry within them an energetic structure that utilizes the sexual force more efficiently than men (again, generally speaking) and creates a stronger and longer connection with the inner self. This happens not only during the act of sex itself but also throughout the daily routine.

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The orgasms of the woman is greatly different than those of a man and if you allow yourself to explore this you will know what I am talking about. Later, when you are readier, your sexuality will reveal to you the life beyond life. That will greatly enhance the quality of your reality, the intimacy with your husband, but mostly disclose to you the wonders of your own existence.

But the first step is to release the shame and the guilt!

For the reasons I mentioned above, and out of ignorance, most men and women do not use their sexuality in ways that promote what I just described. Regrettably so. But do not let that affect you, Fatima! It is for you, to bravely examine your beliefs and to choose which of them serve you. Your respectful and loving family have served you well so far by providing the required conditions for your safe growth but now your life needs further expansion and growth. The conflict over your sexuality is basically a question of trust in the grander Self that you are, in nature and in the spontaneous character of life itself.

Your husband is here to help you break the barriers. With his wisdom, genteelness, and attention, he offers you a new perspective towards sexuality and life. It is a golden opportunity for you. Will you take it? Are you able to put aside the old world with its archaic dogmas and boldly step deeper towards yourself?

Good Luck.