#Sex after 45

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I met my husband when I was 20, I was brought up conservatively in a small town and had no experience with boys or relationships.

He was my age and we became friends before I fell in love. Today I look back and wonder if in #love means loving someone or loving the idea of someone wanting you. He became my world and I worked 26 years at making and keeping him happy. So today, I wonder have I wasted my best years?

One Saturday morning in May 2017, I decided to log onto a #chat site. At first I was a little taken a back by the language thrown onto the screen in front of me. I almost closed the screen and then I received a personal message request. Being new to this I thought what the hell, lets give it a go! So my journey began...

The first guy was very abrasive and I thought, "nah, not for me". Then a second message popped up and I said hi. I was sitting on my bathroom floor with my laptop, pretending to have a bath and time was running out. The guy was a few years younger than me and we just asked personal questions, age, where we were from and so on. Somehow I felt a connection with him (yes I know, sounds crazy) so I asked him if he would like to e-mail me. He suggested a chat app called KIK, I responded saying I have never used it, but gave him my fictitious e-mail address.

Later that day I checked my e-mail and he mailed me. It was quite a thrilling experience, he made a comment that it seems I was a woman for real (as there are many crazies and con men on chat sites). We started exchanging a few mails and I registered the #KIK app on my phone. We spoke for hours, playing a little with #sexting, him sharing some really naughty pics with me.

I am 46 and overweight (definitely by most peoples standards) so I was very shy and uncomfortable about my body. He finally convinced me to send him a picture of my breasts. I took a photo and send it. His response was probably fake (I've been told all men are pigs) but that sense of desire he had for me gave me a high I cannot describe. It woke up something inside me that I never knew existed and I loved it!

Our time difference was only 1 hour so at night, after my husband fell asleep, I would sneak out of our room and chat with Jamie (lets call him that) for hours. We would role play sex scenes with words that never crossed my lips before. He would make me want to touch myself (which was a total new experience to me) and finally give myself #orgasms I never thought was possible. We would say good night and good morning each day and I got a thrill when the KIK notification popped up on my screen each time.

It was exhilarating, this young guy chatting more to me than my own husband does, stirring up desires and wants that I have never realized I had. Some days we would chat a few times during the day and I wanted more.

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