Redacted Journal - September 1-7, 2019

(This has been edited and most names have been changed.)

September 2019

Sept 1st, I believe I woke up around 1:18 am with a series of bangs on the ceiling. I may have awoken around 6 am, and got up at around 6:30 am. I ... went to Mountwood church... The sermon was about being prepared for suffering and death, knowing it isn't necessarily a punishment, and God knows what the end will be. God doesn't always give us an answer. I ... also attended service at Ignite Hosanna Church. ... There were two new people who were introduced to me, and the woman very exuberantly shook my hand at the end of the service as well. A man (Ethan?) caught up with me as I was walking away on the sidewalk, wondering where I was from, and why I chose Montreal and not an English speaking Canadian city. He said when I was ready maybe the church could help me find a place and a job. I walked home. Damon was outside. A lot of times since I went to the police, it seems some guys I live with haven't been saying hi or are standoffish.

Sept 2nd, Yesterday while going to Ignite Hosanna Church, I tried to plug my headphones in. It only worked on the third try. The same thing happened this morning. Yesterday when I was watching the French DVD, I plugged in my headphones, but had to put pressure on the end to hear it in both ears. This is a problem with that DVD player that has been going on with other headphones. Those would work in my phone, but only one side would work in the DVD player. This morning I woke up around 1:45 am, and heard a bang and woke up at around 4:45 am. and another at around 7:00 am. I got up at around 7:30 am and got ready. I made a to-do list and practiced French in the morning. Claire says Emilia will be here by 4 pm, so I can pay rent. I do research and take a nap. A few minutes before 4, I go to the office. More people are saying hello. Others are watching the Mentalist in French. Nolan tells me Emilia texted him and told him she would be there tomorrow at 6 pm. He showed me the text and asked me to text Claire. He told me he bought the most amazing dishes for such a low price across the street. He got a stand for ten cents. He said phones will wake you up at night if they are connected to the internet. He asked if I lived on this floor. He said I got the confirmation I needed that Emilia was coming tomorrow. He came by again, asking if Claire responded. I said no. He said she wasn't going to respond and he wasn't going to wait for her. Claire did eventually respond. ... Carl was watching House in French. ...

Sept 3rd, there was no banging as far as I could tell, but I did wake up around 3:30 am and stay awake for at least an hour. I got up around 7:30 am, got ready, and took the bus... It seems to be a school day and there was a lot of traffic. I listened to Pawson. There was a man in the Subway at Guy Concordia playing a Chinese instrument. I stopped to listen for a minute. I ended up finding the free book sale and waited in line early. I got many philosophy books and only a few engineering, though I did look over that section later on. They let me take as many as I could carry. [At first it was limited, then they told me I could take more. -3/31/21] I went to BAnQ, caught up with my journal notes, put Jase files on a flash drive, and studied first aid. I came back, reading a book of questions. I also had called the charity store and set the 9th and the 23rd as volunteer days. I stopped by the thrift store, and it sounds like volunteering is open on Wednesdays... Granny sent me a message saying "love you" and I teared up a little. I read some of my new sociology book, and got ready for tomorrow. [The book fair was an opportunity for a psychological test. First, I selected the books I was most interested in, then I could take as many as I wanted. One book was about surviving diseases with positive thinking. It suggested that I was thinking there was something seriously wrong with my health. My grandmother sending me that message at such a time could test if I was feeling the need to say such goodbye messages. -3/16/20]

Sept 4th, I woke up twice this morning (around 2 and 4?) and got up a little after 6 am. There was a thunderstorm so I didn't wash my hair. I made myself some tea and left listening to Pawson on the way. I saw Ibrahim and asked him about the wood floors… I told one boy I was an immigrant, but corrected that. I was from the USA. … Ibrahim said we were going to stop for the day, since he had a meeting. It was around noon. … On the way back I ran into a thrift store and bought a shirt and notebook, then I found I had a bunch of screws in my pocket, so I went to the charity store close by and gave them back. Charlotte was there. She called to me and waved exuberantly. She was talking to Ibrahim. I went to BAnQ, finished first aid training, uploaded my resume, and went home. I went to wash the dishes. Ellie was there and asked for some soap. She reminded me about the free food and that I could take things from her cabinet. She asked if I was on this floor. She said two crazy guys were gone, one that used to shout on the first floor and the guy who was bothering me (Jase). She said she failed her driving test. She hasn't driven in 8 years, so they make you retake it, and the online questions are tricky...

Sept 5th, There has been a noise since Jase left from someone in a nearby room, like they are blowing bubbles. It is a little strange... I practiced French, read about sociology, and went to bed around 9:30. I woke up a little after 12 am, then 2:10 am, 4:10 am, and 6:10 am. My headphones didn't work after several times plugging them in, and usually the audio kept broadcasting, so I held my phone to my ear and listened to Pawson on the way to SAS. Someone was playing rap music in the bus while I tried to listen. I asked ... what the paper [complaint form] was that I didn't fill out at the police station. She said it wasn't used for sexual assault cases. She said I would be contacted in maybe a week, and go to an interview where the detectives would ask me many details about the event for a long time on video. She did say it didn't matter if I got the color of his shirt wrong, but the details would add to my credibility. The interview would be conducted in a separate building other than the police department. And in Canada they have an oral system, meaning what I wrote and even the surveillance footage would not be as important as my oral testimony at court which if I did not give the case would be closed. She told me that the judge would not see my written statements. She said the prosecutor would give me many opportunities to back out. She also said the detectives would get the surveillance footage from the source as mine may have been corrupted. She told me some documents would be coming and they would be in the language of the accused.
I left and went to the bike warehouse. On the way a woman was speaking loudly to everyone in the metro. It seemed to be religious. I told her at Berry UQAM that her scarf was falling off her head, but apparently she is not a Muslim because she took it down, went to my next stop, and sang loudly on the platform where people waited for the metro. I arrived at the bike warehouse where I met Riley. I also met Henry who will be working with me on Fridays. Riley will be helping me out Friday. I got changed into my work clothes and met up with Eleanor, who asked me to clean chains. Mathias showed me how. He had me wear gloves and cautioned me the degreasing solution would eat the walls of my cells, and instructed me how to handle it. Eleanor had insisted I wash the grease off my hands before I cleaned the chains because she worried about what would happen after. ... I cleaned chains and Tiffany asked me if I was having fun. Then she asked me to compress bikes for a truck that was coming. The three bikes that were set up were very rusty and I couldn't figure out how to come at them. Mathias showed me the pedals always turn towards the front, and how to release them more easily. One was so bad I had to use a board to hold one side still to use 2 hands on the other. Mathias got the other pedal with great effort. He said it's like putting people on a stretcher, you just do it. He asked me if I ever put anyone on a backboard before, and I asked if he was an EMT. He had been a first responder for over a decade… Some of the bikes had notes saying they had been seized by or given to the police and were to be disposed of. I went back to cleaning chains and Eleanor told me to let it be because some guy had to check if they were 7 or 9s, and we couldn't do it by looking. I started taking apart bike parts that needed further disassembly. A boy lost control of the air hose and I covered my eyes and ears. He got it under control, then another boy asked to use it and made the same sound. I asked about it and he thought it wouldn't seal. I asked Eleanor what was next, and she pointed to a pile of bikes to disassemble. I pulled one out, and Mathias helped me when I got stuck. I asked Eleanor if I could stick around to eat lunch, and she asked horrified that I hadn't already. As I left I said bye to Riley... I stopped to check my mail… one notice I needed to pay for my PO box. I waited in line. The girl behind the desk was very new and overwhelmed, but people were nice and helping each other. She didn't know how to help me, and no one would answer the phone, so I waited while she took some passport photos of a cute kid, then paid for the next 3 months. … I gave a banana to the homeless guy as I passed again. I saw Lucas walking on the other side of our street looking at me carefully. It was getting dark when I came back. Someone came out and stopped on the second porch, and someone was sleeping on the bench swing outside. I saw Carl at the fridges. I have been waking up with bug bites on my ankles. The new one got swollen up today.

Audio file: SAS ... around 16 minutes, she says the written statement will never be given to the judge.

Sept 6th, I woke up around 4:30 am, and stayed awake. I started to read my Bible but got tired. I also woke up around 6 am, where there was one stomp on the floor above me. I got up after 8, and looked around my box spring for bed bugs. I looked over some... bed bug information… I looked through my bedding looking for bedbugs… I tried my headphones. Now my phone recognizes when I insert it and stops playing, but no sound comes through the earbuds. I tried it on my DVD player. Some pressure allowed both earbuds to work. Pressure made no difference on the phone. I went to the bike shop reading research on the way. I missed my first bus...and ran at each of the stops. I was still about 5 minutes late. Another volunteer was very late. Riley taught us how to fix a flat tire, to adjust brakes, and the gears. She told us about the program... As I walked up my street I was lost in thought. A man in a dark coat and a dark hat was coming towards me. I looked up before we passed and watched his face. It was Carl who was watching mine. He flashed an involuntary smile at the last second. I came home and made myself a snack. There was rustling in the leaves outside my window. [Here is another manifestation of Carl’s perverted inclinations. I may have been expected to be afraid of a man when I was walking alone in the dark. Carl’s smile may have suggested excitement at the thought of frightening me with the prospect of rape. Theft is perhaps a lower possible threat, but it seemed this was more personal in nature. The rustling outside my window suggests continuing that attempt to frighten me. Thus far as I read him, Carl has demonstrated a strong sexual appetite, extreme emotions, and sadism. His appearance at these specific times, especially after I changed my shirt also suggests he had information about my private affairs. More is to follow. -3/16/20]

Sept 7th, I slept through the night and woke up around 7. Last night I responded to Granny's question on what subjects I am taking and what I like to do for fun. This morning I read the news including a story about a girl publishing a book without CIA approval… Lucas was checking the mail and said the guy in the kitchen is talking to me but I am not there. I asked why he thought the guy was talking to me. I looked in the kitchen and waved to the guy who appeared to be minding his own business. Lucas said he could show me. But I waved to him never mind and got my food. … A man was talking on the phone in French for a long time. Easton said hi. I looked through the mail, ate, and checked Facebook. The top picture was Becky posting an embroidered raccoon saying "to me you are trash." Then no stories would load on my home page.

I had written the "previous" paragraph and something about How to be a good christian victim, and how to deal with stress, before I cooked. I cleaned and found a big spider in my closet and where it came through the wall. I blocked that off then finished cleaning. I wrote a little on having compassion on yourself... [The notes on having compassion on yourself could have been taken as walking back my harsh statements on not being a victim, and rather understanding people’s flaws and accepting them. There is a meme that is like a question whether I will just forget everything. -3/17/20]