7 Steps To Writing The Ultimate Shitpost on Steemit
The following post was inspired by @goldenarms, so upvote his funny post if you feel it. His is more vulgar than mine, but it's still fucking hilarious: https://steemit.com/steemit/@goldenarms/how-to-get-noticed-on-steemit-6-rules-to-find-success
Use Shitty Photos
Don’t enhance your images or crop them. Make sure your subject is the most boring possible. Don't use a flash. Don’t pay attention to tone, contrast, color or any other visual element. Make sure and choose the most generic, poorly composed photos possible.
Write in a Super Bland, Fake Voice
Pretend to care about things while being overrun by a senseless void inside. Make your writing style so generic that people will not even be sure a human is writing it. Bots are in! You might as well sound like one, too!
Don’t Format Your Post
Don’t use bolding, spacing or paragraphs. Just use one giant run-on sentence without any headers, titles, spacing, bolding, italics, or any other differentiating characters.
Write Only in Popular Tags
Write about topics that are already super-saturated in Steemit: life, photography and steemit. Don't start your own trending tags, just follow blindly like a sheep.
Find Successful Bloggers And Copy Their Style And Snatch Their Images From Instagram
This will hopefully generate a generic voice, which will subconsciously prompt whales to upvote these posts. Copying others' unique voices is the surest way to creating the ultimate shitpost. You might even snatch their photos from Instagram and try to pass them off as your own. Most Instagram celebs are not on Steemit yet, so you'll have a cool 3 months of pure stolen profit before cheetah and steemcleaners fry your ass.
Don’t Be Original
Don’t tax your brain with thinking of new ideas. Shut your brain off to creative ideas and just copy what’s popular already. Make sure and recycle the click-bait garbage which can luckily be found anywhere on the interwebs. Use formulas and "sales funnel" thinking as much as possible. Follow mindless gurus to learn more "proven" tricks.
Write Overly Drippy and Sentimental Poetry
Make sure and dredge up that poetry you hid under your bed when you were in 8th grade. Post it on Steemit! Make it as drippy as possible, and infuse it with horrible overused cliches like "red like roses" "her eyes were like a lapis lazuli sky".....Make it as nauseating as possible....
Extra: Send the link of your shitpost to a whale as soon as you’re finished writing it.
Extra: Write your post on busy.org, but forget to use the tag, “busy”.
Extra: Send 10 SBD to a whale's upvote bot and receive $1.05 total payout.
Talk to my Facebook Messenger chatbot if you're confused that this post could be filled with real tips: https://chatfuel.com/bot/youtubestellabelle
@stellabelle Thank you for critiquing all the Posts that I have done so far. Oh, wait a minute I have not done any Poetry Yet.................
hahahahahahaahh
Stop using the s*it word, it's already annoying. Everybody who wants to feel good and whaley tries to use these 2 words that start with S & F in every paragraph. If not he is not smart enough. It's disgusting and takes down the whole level here. I'm sorry, I don't mean you personally, but lately it's impossible to read a post without seeing these words again and again.
Fuck yeah, that shit's gotta stop.
After reading this and a few other of @stellabelle's posts, I was gonna (sic) commend her for coining the brilliant and expressive neologism, "shitpost." As a language teacher, language student, writer, and editor, I can only approve.
The term "shitpost" describes quite well those posts that she is referring to. Most other words or phrases would not describe them as accurately or succinctly. (Only 8 letters! 4 of which are necessary)
Furthermore, while some might take offence, the term "shit" is hardly an offensive word. When we use it in such phrases as "bullshit" or "when the shit hits the fan" or "SHTF" or "Holy Shit!" few would care. Same with "WTF,' which is now completely acceptable, while to spell it out in full may not be acceptable.
I expect we might even see "shitpost" in a future edition of the Oxford dictionary. If it's not in the next one, I'll notify Oxford myself, and advise them to include it in the subsequent edition.
I think he has a point @stellabelle
You are a legend here people look up to you. People like you kinda determines the atmosphere of this space.
I agree...lets go with Poopost instead
Nice
You are too funny!! I know there is much importance to the point you are making but you were able to write the shitty post very very cleverly
Can't wait to see how it now plays out with votes - I'm sure it'll prove the flawed Steemit system and draw much attention..
Thanks @stellabelle
thisisreallygreatadviseyougivetoussir @stellabelle Imakegoodpostsoften chekc out my blogandvotes
hahahahahahah!
Damn, now I wish I hadn't used that last vote on stella, this is A#1 response to her post. I like it. I will be back to upvote when I hit 90% again, about 2 hours. The Authors/Storytellers will wait.
thanks for being such a great commenter and upvoter of mine. I respect your opinion too.
You are one of the funniest people on steemit. Such a real attitude toward steemit, toward us, toward yourself, If not for you and @mammasitta, I would have no grounding forces, and end up flying off.
ah, that is good to know! Let's clone us!
I got it right away ...it's overall a whacky post that's meant to be humorous yet have an edgy truthfulness feel .
Right on well written,.....you did it..... I thought I'd even get in on the wink wink nod nod and reply to a com-mentor who was exalting your creative poom da pa's with my own comedic flare .
But in all serious now....for reals...........
don't joke about clones
K
CLONE.................
Voted. Early, A Yeti Heart is continuing, so I will be upvoting it, and dropping down to mid 80's anyway, so no need to wait. Life just runs counter to what we want sometimes, like not dropping to far below 90% on vote power.
Good sarcasm.. But i can find a message there.. if someone wants to write a good post, he must need to avoid this 7 tips!
bingo!
Oh nooooo! I only just threw away a big pile of drippy poetry I wrote in primary school just the other day, sheesh, now what am I going to do? He he he, thanks for the giggle!
Hello @stellabelle,
I'm am new to Steemit, only my 2nd day and I'm enjoying reading the wonderful post. I have been writing for over 50 years and I can truly say you have a natural style.
I will also have to follow your advise and there is so many new things I am learning here.
Here is my first post to introduce myself:
https://steemit.com/life/@drsinmongwong/love-for-a-women
My longest post in Steemit so far, I hope my experience will help many young people grow beyond their potential:
https://steemit.com/life/@drsinmongwong/a-life-of-abundance-begins-with-these-3-basics-skills
Sincerely,
Dr.SMWong
I have up-voted and followed so I can read your articles. Thank you for the encouragement and sharing.
great advice, shitposts are fine with me though, they make other posts like this one look even better. In the end people will learn shitposts don't lead to success which will better the community overtime and raise the bar on posting quality in general
I love the extras hahahahahha xD
And this post reminds me of my "how to be a minnow forever" post I did weeeks ago. I think I won @overkillcoin's friendship with that.. Or aquaictance or whatever weird english word he used.
Post from busy and forget the tag... I thought it happened to me today but fortunaley didn't.. Paying for a less value upvote xD that's terrible!!!
Awesome post.jpg)