"Bad Robot" Part One.

I am a writer on Wattpad, where I am sharing small segments of my upcoming books that I am working on. Below is the first part of a funny yet poignant story about, humankind's willingness for war, the dangers of artificial intelligence, and the importance of love between people. Link provided at the bottom. New parts are added on Fridays.

Author's Note

Let's make a deal.

If you read this story and enjoy it, please give it a vote. If not for me, for the sake of art!

If you didn't enjoy it, please leave a comment and tell me why. I want to be improving, always. Your advice is the most valuable asset in that pursuit.

If you loved it, please share it with those you think would enjoy it as you did.

There is plenty more to come.
Thank you for reading.

End of Note

AbelBody4.1-18 was a real piece of work. I mean, the damned thing had chrome hydraulics.

It also had;

A 6 million dollar sound system with mp3, Bluetooth and cloud streaming, 'bumpin' all the best tunes' that the kids were in-to! Additionally equipped with every song known to man. It was, 'The best jukebox in town'

Onboard Solar Position System (SPS) with access to every satellite and tower in the world, and off-world...

Sealed, silicone insulated, electrical components, completely resistant to electromagnetic attack. Its firewall was the digital Great Wall of China. It could not be shut down.

And wait! There was more!

Its rocket propulsion system was powered by the sun. Billions of photons per second were collected by its bulletproof, photoelectric exoskeleton.

It had shields! Like science fiction shields. Like Star Trek shields!

I'm not shitting you.

By manipulating the electromagnetic field on the surface of the AbelBody, using the phenomenon of quantum entanglement, a second theoretical electron field was created which was there and not there at the same time.

You know like Schrodinger's Cat?

You get the idea.

It's gold superconducting process networks surpassed the computing power of the human brain.

It was God-forsaken.

A marvel of the world.

Mankind's most powerful creation.

And it had escaped.

"That's a violation!" AbelBody4.1-18 decreed in that iconic nasally robot voice we've all heard before.

"The light was yellow! It was yellow!" Shouted the poor bastard in the yellow Porsche.

Shuuuuuug-Blaow!

The poor bastard and his car evaporated in an instant.

Shouldn't've ran that red.

But anyone that ran with the Reds got it from AbelBody,

if you know what I mean! Haha!

Yep, AbelBody4.1-18 was a real piece of work.

But most people just thought he was a fucking asshole.

The good news was the blood and guts which would have sprawled across the road were completely incinerated in a matter of milliseconds by one of 10,000 intensity-adjustable, tactical hydrogen thermonuclear ballistic missiles on board the AbelBody. Each one having enough detonation power to take a 747 out of the sky and the ability to easily fit in a teacup as a stirring device. Two could be used as chopsticks. Two-hundred could annihilate every major city in America.

You get the idea.

It was a kind gesture to blow the man up so cleanly, considering it was bad enough all the nice innocents had to witness a homicide in broad daylight, on Pacific Coast Highway, by what looked like a mix between Optimus Prime and Brad Pitt.

I forgot to mention. It was a sexy robot.

Those young scientists with the lean and hungry look (And top secret clearance) really dotted their 'i's on this one.

Some would even say they crossed their 't's too!

Some say those types think too much. Some say such men are dangerous! Now that the AbelBody was Accidental Supreme Dictator of the World (ASDW), I imagine most people would have tended to agree.

I would be remiss in my duty as a storyteller if I didn't point out that AbelBody had no idea of his power or position (Hence the 'A' in the acronym). He was just following protocol.

Well, sort of.

Let us backtrack 6 months before the poor bastard in the yellow Porsche unfaithfully departed this reality.

Oh jeez, you know, we really should give the poor bastard a name...

Let's call him Dick.

Anyway.

When AbelBody escaped without a directive for his original mission, he headed over to the library to brush up on the laws of the world. He wanted to get familiar with what he could do to contribute to society as he investigated the existence of the communist threat (More about that later).

In .0003 seconds he realized this was inefficient and streamed all information from Google.

He was also nice enough to upload all necessary information that hadn't been put there yet, and killed those responsible for the failure to do so.

Anyway.

He was meant to be an assassin of countries and philosophies. He, along with his brother, MachineCain4.15, would exact a perfect slaughter of the communist powers that plagued the world in secret and in sight.

Now you get the 'Red' joke I told before...Haha!

The brothers were the first successful experiment in artificial intelligence. What made this one successful and all those before complete and utter failures, was an important discovery about the 'wetware' of conscious machines.

It was discovered that a certain level of uncertainty in the 'consciousness' of the machines was necessary in order for them to respond effectively to an uncertain world. This, of course, led to variation in the 'characters' of the machines, i.e. individuation of personality. AbelBody, was stoic, precise, unwavering and diligent. This made him the perfect killing machine which could operate pristinely for its creator, the United States Air Force(USAF). MachineCain was, special, you might say. And the poor guy, he just couldn't figure it out! He liked flowers, butterflies and the sound of human laughter.

His offering to the commanders was not acceptable! His organic personality was childlike and naive. His thermonuclears were only supersonic to one order of magnitude above the SR-71 Blackhawk. Unimpressive! His SPS gave the wrong directions to the moon. And you should have watched him try to wash the dishes!

So he remains in a state of constant failure, test after test, trapped in some cold, dark bunker, with the comprehensive and hopeless understanding of his creator's complete disappointment in him.

Anyway

The 6 months that followed AbelBody's escape were some of the most gruesome and tragic moments in human history.

Upon 'awakening' AbelBody quickly discovered and disabled the kill switch installed on his system.

(You know, the DOD really should have thought that one through.)

He then vowed to seek out the entity responsible for the attempt on his life. He assumed it was the communists.

The U.S. military knew what they were up against. They knew their chances were not in their favor. What they didn't know was pretty much everything else.

They sent the helicopters first.

"A strategic attack from all directions and multiple altitudes could lock AbelBody into a cylindrical firing range with no escape...but death!" Some rigid yet elegant military guy with a bunch of badges and jangling medals hollered.

"You're making a mistake!" AbelBody retorted.

After AbelBody destroyed all 1,244 Apache Helicopters with 1,137 tactical nukes, [Total Remaining Super Tactical Nuclear Arsenal: 8,863] he realized that this particular death machine was going to be a continued threat to his existence and to the peace of the world. He did a quick database search and discovered that there had been approximately 2000 made as of March 2013. He sought and destroyed approximately 756 more, give or take the rest of them.

As a commemoration for the misled yet beautiful machine, AbelBody fashioned a mighty breastplate from the Apache as a gift for his struggling brother. A spoil of war, and a good look!

Convinced that the helicopter fiasco was another communist plot, AbelBody decided to take it upon himself to execute his directive without clearance. He couldn't imagine any other reason that he had been awakened.

Poor China.

[Total Remaining Super Tactical Nuclear Arsenal: 1,787]

I don't think that new China could really be compared to old China, but you know what they say...It's all in the name, and China's was the Communist Party of China. Kind of hard to explain your way out of that one!

Vladimir Putin kept a really cool head about the whole thing. He invited AbelBody over for drinks, showed him many old movies about Reagan and Gorbachev, the Berlin Wall and the brave yet naive Mujahideen which brought about the U.S.S.R.'s historic fall. This convinced AbelBody that communism had long been dead in Russia.

To celebrate the wise decision to spare the Russian Federation, Putin treated him to an elegant feast of Russian Caviar, Pirozhki, Olivier salad, organic pickled cucumbers, Zakuski, Shashlik and Kulich for dessert. Kulich was also a traditional religious dish. Vladimir thought it was fitting to give thanks to the Lord as the entire Russian population had narrowly missed mass genocide.

AbelBody told Putin he didn't believe in God. Putin said, "шляпа в порядке, это не для всех. Но это держит людей счастливыми" ("That's ok, it's not for everyone. But it keeps the people happy.")

Abelbody said that his sensors detected that the food was not poisoned (which was good for everyone). His sensors were also able to detect that the food had been well prepared, though he could not taste it because he was a robot. Putin said he was sorry. AbelBody said it was ok.

It was his cross to bear.

After China floated off into the sea, it was decided that AbelBody was an international threat. I mean, even the communists pitched in!

Awful nice of them, especially after they found out why all this was happening in the first place!

If I were a communist, I might have been obliged to let it work itself out. Maybe just out of spite.

Anyway.

The final assault was a grand spectacle of the excellence of humankind. All matter of land, air and sea vessels from all around the world joined the fight!

Except for Putin of course.

He kind of liked AbelBody.

{End of Part 1}

https://www.wattpad.com/560173579-bad-robot-part-1

"Bad Robot" is part of an anthology series, "The Apocolypse is Always Tomorrow" that I am currently working on completing. I hope it makes you laugh and consider how strange the world really is... Cheers!