To Win at Social Media, Lie

in #social8 years ago

I am part of the Myspace generation, a social media site so short-lived that the fact it has any relevance to me at all should make it fairly easy to pin down my age.

With a few minor calculations, anyway. But math is hard, so I’ll just tell you—I’m 28. My peers and I grew up in a unique time when social media came of age just when we did. Our parents and older siblings learned social media later in life; younger generations have never lived without it. For us, though, it was a new, exciting thing that our parents were afraid of and we were just figuring out.

But that means people my age don’t have it figured out quite as well as those who have been immersed in social media their entire young lives.

For me, the hardest realization has been this: people don’t want to see your real self online.

People don't want your realness on social media. They want your best. So what do real people do? We make art. Blog about it. Try to post our best selves, instead of our real ones, and find other places to talk about the process of becoming. But it isn't easy.

At first, Myspace was the place to be real, or “real,” at least—a pseudo-honest, edgy form of self that our parents didn’t get but our peers did. Facebook also used to be a vanguard of honesty, in the early days when it was tied to college attendance and every status update automatically had the word “is” in it. “Elyse Hauser is in love” was a real post of mine, circa 2008. At the time, I really thought I was. I probably put a less-than-three heart next to it. How much more honest can you get?

But we’ve come a long way since then. Now, social media is how companies—even mundane ones, like Public Storage—brand themselves. It’s how entrepreneurs make a name. Anyone with a well-curated Instagram and a list of followers in the thousands can start monetizing their posts. The rest of us try to keep up. I don’t want to care about social media, but as a writer, I have to. It needs to look legit so I can have the right author platform when the day comes for me to write a book, or even pitch a story to a major magazine.

Yet I grew up with social media as a place where we’re supposed to be real, so I struggle with that. Posting a perfectly made-up selfie from a night out isn’t the first thing I think of. In fact, I probably didn’t even take the picture. If I’m out with friends, I’m generally too focused on the experience to remember about social media.

So when do I post? Usually when I’m at home, in some state of imperfection. I posted a picture of my sunburn from the park recently. It's a step up from the usual, since at least I was wearing a cute outfit. But I wasn't thinking of documenting the cute outfit so much as documenting the sunburn. It’s not that I don’t want to post my cute looks. It’s just that it’s so much harder to post perfection, or what looks like it. It’s hard to get a great picture of a great outfit, to choose a great filter and make great edits. It’s not something I’m good at. But I’m great at being honest on social media, because that’s how I learned.

So, I post the not-best-self. Recently when I had some friends at my apartment for game night, we were talking about how peering over the top of your glasses always looks creepy. I took a selfie, to see for myself. Then I said, “This selfie looks shitty. Maybe I’ll post it on Instagram.” And I did. With that exact same caption.

Later in the week, I deleted that picture. I’m trying to be better, for the sake of my career if nothing else. I live a pretty great life, and it would be nice if my social media reflected that, instead of making me look like a homebody who lives in sweats and no makeup. (Don’t get me wrong, I love being home in sweats and no makeup sometimes. But it’s not as common as it looks.) And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t envy those picture-perfect social media accounts. I want to have that enviable online look too. I can pull it off in real life. Online, it’s harder.

Then again, my most-liked Instagram post is a deliberate picture of me looking bad. I had just gotten out of the shower, had breakouts on my face, hadn’t moisturized anything yet. But I realized that, in spite of all my selfies, it’s very rare that I actually take a look at my completely undone face. So I snapped a pic and posted it: poor lighting, bad skin and everything. I posted it with a caption detailing my thought process; how I wanted to appreciate the imperfections because they were a part of me. And that was it. My most unattractive post was my best-liked one.

So maybe there is something to being honest on social media. I’m still figuring it out.

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There is ....you just need to find that -something- that works for you!
In many situations people like extrem things....or they are rather attracted to it.
That is why on Youtube for example satire channels and lets say story channels are on the top list...because people like to see fights ...fake and real....
But that doesnt mean that this must be you...
All I can say is just do what you like and that is it!

It's interesting how people are willing to suspend disbelief for the semblance of "reality": for example, the popularity of fights or reality television shows that we know to be fake, but that still draw wide audiences. But yes, I think people are looking for a deeper and more intense honesty, which can also be faked, but doesn't have to be!

Ah, the good ol' Myspace Days. I do miss having music on my page though. That was always cool.

Also, I don't know - for all the glam and perfection there is. The feeling that you get when you find a women to be beautiful while completely undone is an another level than when she is all done up.

I won't comment on how you look in that photo cus that would just be creepy, but I am a sucker for dark hair and blue eyes.

Ha, I used to spend sooo much time picking the perfect song for my Myspace!

Interestingly, I've always thought of my eyes as green, but a lot of people in my life swear they're blue.

Yep, gotta have the perfect song. Say, I checked out your other post. It was well written and was lucky enough to get picked up by robinhoodwhale. Seems this posts is making headway as well. You are having way more success already than most have in their first month. Very surprised you are not posting more.

Also, you should do an official introducemyself post if you are looking to become more active on steemit. See that tag for examples. Anyway, good luck

Hey, thanks for the feedback and advice! Still new here and learning my way around, but I'm definitely working toward posting more. If people wanna read it, I've got plenty to say!

Interesting to hear your perspective on what MySpace and Facebook was like in the early days... but I think your post points out more about how honesty is appreciated, even today and even on traditional social media. People can identify more with reality. That's why reality TV has become popular. (I know a lot of it is made up, but most people think it's real..) The facade or branding you mention is not so much lying, but just putting your best foot forward as a person or company. It's fine to focus on the positives. It's a choice and either can be effective. Steemit is more real than anything I've been on, but I wasn't in on the other platforms early. We'll see what happens, but I'm optimistic that this place will continue to keep it real.

True, there are a lot of things I feel comfortable posting on Steemit that I wouldn't on my other social media (the above piece, for example). I wonder if that honesty is more inherent to platforms that are newer and less popular, or if Steemit will continue to be different in the long run. It's fascinating to see the way these sites change with time and use.

lol i was a myspace whore

I think the main issue is identities that are not voluntary, like the ones we are used to getting from the state. If you could have 3-4 selfs online, perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about getting the one account perfect or making a mistake. Online identities affect our state given identities and many people are a bit nervous about it with good reason.

That's an interesting way to look at it. Everything online is public to a certain extent. But people seem less worried about it than they used to be. I remember my elders trying to tell me that swearing and other "unprofessional" behavior on Facebook would hinder me in a job search, which hasn't happened yet (that I know of!).