Dear Joe Dale,

I know we still have over a month of school left and that is plenty of time for me to do something else stupid, but I felt there were a few things I should apologize for for the first half of this year.

First, the little things. I'm sorry for my general slobbish behavior. I apologize for leaving my clothes all over the ground, trash all over my desk, the tv remote and game controllers on the futon, my clothes on the futon, used tissues on the floor, snack wrappers on the floor, my shoes all over the floor, dirt all over the floor, shreds of paper on your desk for when I use it when you're not here, and I'm sure there are more things I'm forgetting (just like I forget to pick up the shit I leave everywhere). I would also like to apologize for all the times I use your things, with or without your permission, and don't put them back.

Secondly, I'm sorry for all of the noise. I move around a lot in my sleep, especially when it's hot out, and my bed was very creaky at the beginning of the year, so I'm sorry for being so loud when you're trying to sleep. I'm also very sorry about the loud music I listen to. Even with my headphones in I know you can hear it. As you know, I don't really mind the noise (i.e. when you scream at your Xbox games), so I don't think much of things until you comment.

On to more specific things, I am sorry about that time I potted that plant in an old coffee cup on your desk and didn't clean up the mess. That was my bad. I'm also sorry about the time I broke your bed trying to clean that time you left a day early for break. I did put most of it back together and you wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't looked behind the TV stand. I'm sorry for all of the times you've walked in on me doing something strange, like the time I was randomly doing squats at 9am, or that time I was spraying myself with febreze because I was out of deodorant, and especially for all the times I've just been chillin with my hand in my pants.

I most sincerely would like to apologize for that time I knocked that cup of lemonade onto the ground and splattered the entire room and everyone in it, including you, with sticky lemonade. I really don't remember knocking it down, but it sure wasn't fun for us to clean up later.

Lastly, I'm sorry for the smell. It's my fault. I can't explain how or why, but I'm the reason our room smells so bad. I've tried everything to make it smell better, but I think we are doomed to have a smelly room for the rest of the year.

Your mate in rooms,
Luke

p.s. Were you to actually read this, I would expect nothing more than the standard awkward "It's alright" with a slight nasally chuckle.

(some names have been changed in the interested of confidentiality)