The Last Jedi not only betrays the saga, it suggests that the Big Mouse doesn't care much about this beloved space opera.

This is the rant of a loyal fan. Bear with me.

I think J. J. Abrams did a fine job with The Force Awakens. Yes, even with the quick zooms, and his notoriously favorite lens flares, it appealed to me.
We finally saw some light, and felt that slowly but surely, the franchise will move away from the fuck-all whims of the Skywalker clan. (Seriously, read the books, the Star Wars universe is huge.) The new characters were interesting, the battles retained the classic Star Wars charisma, and overall, the movie appealed to both new and loyal fans. It set up the bridge perfectly.

The Last Jedi throws it all away.

Mandatory warning: [SPOILERS AHEAD]

Here's the idea behind a bridge: to reduce the distance between two points. You don't make the bridge so effing long that people don't even wanna travel! And that is my biggest gripe with TLJ. Nothing happens.

You waited with bated breath for Luke Skywalker.

You waited to know the truth about Rey.

You waited to see Snoke in action.

And you're still waiting.

No Disney, this is not how this works. You're sitting on a golden egg alright, but it's beginning to crack.

How do I break it down? Well lets just have three categories: The Ridiculous; The Cringeworthy; and The Plain Stupid.

Again, bear with me.

The Ridiculous

Rey becomes a "Jedi"

Apparently if you're able to "reach out" in your mind and feel your surroundings, congratulations. You're a Jedi.

The training that Rey receives is pretty darn ridiculous because, well, THERE IS NO TRAINING! Yes there are deeper revelations about the Jedi legacy but if a self-doubting, noob-with-the-force young girl is pitted against an evil empire, at least teach her how to fight!

Luke Skywalker

Nothing about his character is convincing. He has no plan, he wants the Jedi to end, but gambles at the end on not being the last Jedi. So all those years of solitude taught him nothing? And why did he even bother coming out when he didn't care for so long? Are we really expected to go "Oh don't mind him, he's just a grumpy old dude who changes his mind every minute"?

For a character as iconic as this one, it's just a disgraceful way to go. I can write an entire piece on this but it just won't be worth it.

The Force

Kill me if you want to, but I've had enough of this. Nobody knows the mysterious ways of The Force. And with the abomination of midi-chlorians aside, the franchise never tries to address it either. And that's a good thing. Keep it unexplained. Let it border on the spiritual and the strong. But at least keep it CONSISTENT.

We've seen The Force work as an entity, protecting the best interests of the galaxy. Be it Stormtroopers always missing their most important targets or the rebels being unreasonably lucky.

But are we seriously expected to believe that The Force doesn't call those most strong with it?

Screw Luke's plan, what the hell is The Force's plan? Or will, whatever. Was the whole point of Rey visiting Luke a change of heart? Seriously? Billions of people killed by The First Order and nothing; fail an intern and boom! Yoda shows up, lights up your fascist temple and shows you how it's done. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Princess Leia Organa can use The Force. Big reveal, twins can be alike, I'm floored. But she can use it, only when her life is in danger. Is she a dick or is The Force?

And don't get me started on the whole space-floating maneuver she pulled off. Carrie Poppins is the stuff nightmares are made of. Here, look for yourself:

I wanna claw my eyes out.

The Force has been, and will remain the biggest plot convenience in Star Wars. And that's how far I've had to go to make sense of this movie, to no avail.

The Cringeworthy

The humor

Piss off Disney, this is just lazy. Straight outta the MCU handbook, none of the jokes here landed for me.

Princess Leia, Admiral Holdo, and Hollywood's ride on the feminism wave.

I don't care about your stance on feminism. But like the way we treat everything that goes 'viral', we've managed to ruin it.

I have zero problems with the all-women leadership here. But let's for a moment think of how helpful being a snob is.

Why none of the leaders share their plan with Poe Dameron is beyond me. Here's a quick tip: If you have a hot-headed fool on your team, maybe don't corner him? That's just gonna make him do dumb shit. And that is exactly what happens. The whole side quest of Finn and Rose happened because the adults grounded the trigger-happy kid. Oh and that consequence almost gets the entire shuttle fleet blown. Gee, thanks.

All that drama, just in the hope of establishing someone's supremacy at the end is just, deflating. But wait, it gave Phasma an appearance. Did you notice her? I almost didn't.

The Plain Stupid

Supreme Leader Snoke, what a fucking joke.

You've seen his giant holographic projection.
You've marveled at his scarred face, wondering how experienced he is.
You've imagined badass battles where he owns everyone.
But more than anything, you've wondered just who the fuck he is.
Well none of that is gonna get addressed. You know why?
Because fuck you, we're Disney, that's why.

Monologuing. He got caught monologuing. For a guy who "sees every move", not very big on peripheral vision eh?

The First Order's technical prowess.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but here we go.
They can build planet ending weapons.
They can miniaturize that tech to crack open anything.
Yet after years of chasing the rebels they can't match them in speed? I don't know what to say.

Disney's obsession with all things "cute"

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with porgs. Just like any other "relief asset", they're designed to warm your heart. And that's alright.

What's not alright is using such devices as plot fillers. Whenever the movie loses direction, here, have some adorable puffin pillow like thing rubbed in your face.

And then there are these people.

Dude is going full kamikaze, on a collision course with a cannon that if fired, will likely end the rebellion. But no my friend, not so quick. I have a crush on you and I will knock you off your course. Even when the impact is more than enough to snap your neck, but whatever.

But by the time that happens, I had already stopped caring. First I was furious, and then I was bored.
Never have I yawned during a Star Wars movie. Not in the prequels, not while re-watching, never.

And yet The Last Jedi added insult to injury and felt like a waste of time. It was disappointing on so many fronts that I can't list them all down. Still, this feels like a huge load off my chest. As a kid who grew up with Star Wars, I have this looming feeling that perhaps classics should be left untouched.

Yeah right, as if the Big Mouse cares.

Go ahead Disney, make your big bucks. For me, its time to freeze my childhood in Carbonite.

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PS: I know this rant might not appeal to some. If it garners some attention, I might do a separate post on what I liked about The Last Jedi. Peace✌️