Hope
I hope for something, and thanks to that, I hold on to life.
I don’t know why I always look to the future with hope.
I had great things, but I didn’t know what they were.
They told me, "You have the world at your feet," but my feet weren’t on the ground.
How many times didn’t I see your pain? I became an unbearable burden,
until one day you fell under the weight of the nothingness that you created in me.
And only then did I realize, I don’t know what, that you weren’t my slave anymore, or I loved you.
I cried for months without even thinking, tears kept falling.
I planned to talk to you in a thousand ways, a thousand nights, 800 days, and I never could talk to you again.
You shielded yourself from me from one day to the next, I didn’t hear even a goodbye or a never again.
It didn’t work for you, or you didn’t have the energy for me anymore.
I stopped being something for you, millions of years together were then a lie.
It couldn’t be from one day to the next, and that really is a tremendous betrayal.
But today, after all this, I’m still talking about you.
And I don’t know if I want to be with you again, but that doesn’t change the fact that I miss you and don’t want anyone in my life.
Maybe in the next life, we can be together, who knows, maybe we’ll become innocent again and make the same mistakes.
So much has passed that I don’t know what I want and I’m not sure why I cry and feel sad.
I don’t know why I don’t feel like living or continuing.
It seems like time stopped the day you left, and my mind replays everything every day.
I don’t know what love is, but it would be wonderful to see you again, hug you, and never let you go.
I read many books about how to love, and I realized that my love was miserable, disgusting, rot.
I don’t know why some of us don’t die, so we don’t cause more harm to anyone, ever.
I don’t even talk to women anymore because that part of me doesn’t exist anymore.
I’m locked in a clean and healthy trunk, waiting to come back to you, and if not, I’ll die waiting for you.
What else can I do? There’s no life without you; it’s my death, and I will remain dead.