Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters

My stepson turned 22 in January and while at his mom's (and my ex-wife's) place she broke out the book. It's a tradition. Every birthday at some point out comes the baby book. Now, as expected as our children grow older some of the traditions of the past begin to lose their luster. On this particular night when the book was revealed I noticed a slower reaction from my stepson. Nothing disrespectful or vulgar, just the pace of a 22 year old man who just finished a meal who has no reference point of having a child. There is no memory he has of being the parent of himself if that makes any sense.

And so it gets done as it always does. At first because he loves his mom and he's a respectful, awesome young dude and additionally because going through the book is actually fun when you stop thinking about going through the book. It's fun to remember what happened that day that you were in the Spider-Man Halloween costume. It's funny remembering how many times you watched Space Jam (on VHS no less, we rewound that joint a million times!!!) or looking at how big the shoulder pads were in your pee-wee football jersey. I usually find myself sitting at the table across from the couch where they sit turning the pages. Stealing little looks at his mom as they laugh. It is her moment. It means a lot. The photo documented history of her baby boy.

She beams with love during this time. She beams with love anytime she talks about her only son. I've come to see this from a number of women with college aged sons-those sons are the entire world to them. It's warm and touching even when it's out-sized. There was a woman who came/went? into my job the other day and after talking to her for a while you could feel it. Her son was driving a U-haul from San Diego to Los Angeles and you would have thought he had just eradicated all world hunger. She was just shy of bursting with pride telling all who would listen that her son was driving that truck some 200 plus miles all by his little old self.

I can be as jaded as the next person on most things but as the father of two girls whom I feel are the most amazing humans roaming the planet, I relate completely. I save the auto-cynicism that's always locked and loaded and reflect the warm glow back to the proud mom.

Ha!I love that picture.

Father's are no different. Let me edit that, I have found that while the moms are always biggin' up how much of a great young man their son's have become-the dad's are usually going in the opposite direction. We see our girls as just that-our little girls. Not in a shitty, keep women down way. I mean my daughters are 20 and 14 but I still see them as these little ones....

I can't even put into words how amazing they are. Smart, talented, kind humans with empathy and compassion for others-and they are both funny as shit in their own separate ways. Sometimes, I feel so undeserving of being their dad that I have to remember they literally wouldn't be here without me (just to balance my emotions so I can get my shit together.)

As of today, when my daughter calls me as she's walking across campus after completing yet another task on her ridiculously stacked schedule, at some point during the conversation there will be an opportunity for me to make up a jolly little jingle. It is always based on whatever we happen to be talking about. It happens about 85% of the time. It's never forced and always gets a laugh. One day that little tradition will lose it's luster as well and that's just life. That's just what happens. Our children grow up and dad's presently cute jingles will march towards corniness. No worries-Ill have the mental memory book to reference.

My youngest on the other hand loves to take drives with me-anywhere-and just take turns listening to music. She plays me what she's into and then it's my turn. We go about 5 songs at a time so neither of us burns out if the other's music sucks and it's the absolute best time ever. The destination is never important. The journey is all that matters-the time. One day that will change. My 14 year old tells me she is not at all looking forward to driving but she's 14 and I'm not holding my breath, lol. Our trips will become less frequent when full on teen life takes over. I'm good with that. Traditions after all are a hair more myth than material in the end.

Peace,
dominic
@verbalmilk
-verbs are action words-