Welcome to Steemit (this is satire, please don’t report to NSA)

Welcome to Steemit. Free yourself of all your thoughts......namaste

Unpack your mind, and go on vacation.....but don’t forget to take your bit coin purse, for paper money is not viable in the world you will be visiting: the world of deep, and trascendetal thoughts.

Did you smoke a lot drugs in college? Did you go on a summer abroad to some 3rd world country you’ve never even heard until your second semester at Ohio State? Did you take a lot of pictures of yourself with children from that country?

That’s because YOU are ready, YOU are a deep person because YOU have EMPATHY. When you left that kid in that war torn, diseased hell hole, you felt bad for him, and after you went back to parent’s suburban McMansion, and while you were drinking Mojitos one day in the pool, you said to yourself, “I need to make a difference”.

Welcome, to the NEXT LEVEL. Let’s do this. Unpack your mind, and go on vacation......no......a noble crusade......but really, more like vacation. And don’t forget to bring your bit coin purse, because where you’re going, they don’t take American Express.

Welcome......to Steemit. Welcome, to the Next Level of Social Media.

In order to join Steemit all you need to do is complete the following 15 simple steps.

(1) Log onto a encrypted computer in a secure location, where no one is watching.
(2) Make sure you’re wearing a hat made entirely on alumnum foil.....that way the NSA can’t hear your thoughts.
(3) Very reluctantly give Steem all of your personal information.
(4) Regret your decision to share your personal information.....remember what they did to that guy from the Silk Road? What do you think they’ll do to you? That guy at the coffee shop this morning.....he sort looked at us funny, didn’t he. Is he following us?
(5) Find the man that’s following you! Quick, find him over there.....
(6) Do what you have to do.....
(7) Click “submit” in order to officially finalize your request to join Steem!
(8) Wait 2 to 3 weeks while we assess your personal information in order to ensure you’re NOT ONE OF THEM......WHO? Wouldn’t you like to know. It’s going to be a long 2 to 3 weeks. Find a place to lay low. (Run into the woods or something)
(9) Watch your back.....run! Run!
(10) check your email.....click on the link from Steem indicating that you’re one of us now. Congratulations (put on sunglasses, stalk around slowly). You’ve officially been red pilled. Now nothing you do is safe.....and covnersely, now no one is safe from you.....what’s the squirrel looking at? You know what to do.....
(11) Log onto Steem, create your user name, and receive your personalized, 52 character password. No bull, we said 52 characters. Remember, if you can remember your own password to access a social media site then you’re password needs to be changed and increased by 15 additional characters!
(12) Trascribe your password with your own blood or feces.
(13) Put your transcribed password somewhere safe, where THEY can never find it. Who are THEY? Wouldn’t you like to know. Stop asking dangerous questions!
(14) That’s not safe enough, you need to find a safer place.....hey, where’d you bury that guy? And that squirrel? You know what to do......
(15) Finally, just have fun, relax and enjoy Steem!

YOU’RE ONE OF US NOW

Steemit. The Future of Social Media in a radically decentralized, splintered, and chaotic world.