Why are you not like your brother or friend? Parents, do not compare kids to one another
Every now and then (ok almost every day) I have two speeches in class which I think my kids are sick of hearing.
In this class we think for ourselves. We do not have to do it in the exact way I said, you can figure out a way that works better for you and nothing is stopping you to do extra research, or extra work. It does not mean when I stop talking you have to stop working.
and the other one which I am sure they also know off by heart
We are all different, we work at a different pace from our friends. Some read fast, some read slow. What does it matter? The most important thing is that you complete the work on your own time and at your own pace and you understand it.
I am very adamant about the fact that all kids (and adults) are different from one another.
Some babies will walk at 10 months, some wait till after a year. Some babies get potty trained quickly, others not.
SO WHAT??? As adults we can all walk and drink from a glass, dress ourselves and are off diapers. (do you ask somebody before you speak to them So when did you learn to use a glass instead of a bottle?)
Nobody likes to be compared to somebody else. Do you like hearing O but Bill in the accounts department can complete the work so much faster? No, we do not like it, so WHY would parents compare their kids to their siblings or to their friends?
Parents must keep in mind that children look up to them and hearing things that make them feel bad about themselves, will have a permanent impact on their lives forward.
It is natural to want to find out if your child is keeping up with his/her peers, where they stand in society (since so many times children are judged by marks and how good they are in sports), but telling them every day that they are not as good as somebody else will cause a lot of damage.
Your child will start doubting themself
If you have to hear every day that you are not as good as the next person, your self-esteem is going to take a knock. The child will start wondering if he will ever be good enough, or just decide he will not be and give up.
It is a parent's duty to support their child every step of the way, even if that step is a little behind the rest.
After the self-doubt comes negativity
If a child keeps on being broken down, he is not going to embrace being positive about tasks or life itself.
In their mind they are a failure, because their parents tell them everyday that they are not as good as somebody else. Negativity will take hold of the child and he/she will stop trying anything and most probably become a negative rude adult.
We want to raise positive children that becomes wonderful, kind adults.
Jealousy makes you nasty
If you keep on comparing your child to other kids, he/she may start to feel jealous.
Jealousy is not a positive emotion and without you knowing it, you can be turning your kid into a bully. Someone who will target the children that you are always comparing them to.
Jealousy will eventually turn into hatred and aggression.
Damaging your parent-child relationship
No child will feel comfortable to confide in a parent who never seems to think he/she is not good enough. Your child will start believing that he/she is a failure and may even turn to drugs to make them feel better.
A child will not feel that you are maybe just concerned about them, they will just feel they are not good enough and that you are not taking their side.
Growing up to become anxious adults
Your child will always feel that they are not good enough. When they become adults they will still have the feeling that they are just going to dissapoint and fail at what ever they try to do. They will either run themselves ragged to proof something, or they will give up all together.
A child that is being compared to others the whole time will lose their confidence and even if they are very good at something they will still believe that they are not good enough.
Being a parent is the hardest job there is. We do not always know if we are doing the right thing, making the best decisions or handling our kid's problems in the correct manner and we surely do not have all the answers.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes, but one thing that you can control is to make sure that your child knows he/she is special exactly the way they are.
There is nothing wrong with pushing them a little to better themselves, but it is certainly wrong to compare them to others.
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@anneke you are so right in that every child, every person is unique and special. I use to hate it when I was compared to my older sister. But it has made me a stronger individual because I always had to prove myself. You wrote a very thoughtful and mind provoking article which should make people think if they are guilty of comparing their children to others. Thank-you for all your efforts! Have a great day! :D
Really loved your post anneke it is all so true.
Nice post dear you have my vote
Thank you very much