Why I Fight: My War With College Administration

Courtesy Pinterest

[I already wrote this once but this piece of shit website (that they've improved so much) lost it... this won't be as good as the first one, so blame Steemit if it sucks!]

I went to college for one reason and one reason only... to provide my family with a better way of life. I took a consumerist approach to my education- I gave them money and in return they provided me with the skills needed to succeed in whatever job market I decided to enter... at least that's what I thought. What I found was quite the opposite- what I found was a bunch of buffoons incapable of pouring piss out of a boot. The war was on!

My freshman year I bought a second hand computer. It was a beaut- a Hyundai 286... slower than Christmas. I had no idea whatsoever how to use it... so I did the logical thing- I signed up for a basic computer class. Being a fairly astute consumer, I went to the professor before signing up to make sure it was what I needed... he assured me it was. After about a week of so of class, I hadn't learned anything useful at all... he was teaching Windows apps and mine ran DOS. I kept trying to talk to him after class but he wouldn't see me... I felt cheated- and I don't like being cheated. If he wouldn't talk to me, by God- the Provost would.

I explained at length to the Provost (who turned out to be a really understanding guy) what had transpired. He assured me that my money would be cheerfully refunded- which it was. My next run-in didn't involve the Provost, but a department Chair.

For my Political Science major I needed Constitutional Law (which, for the uninformed has nothing at all to do with Constitutional Law, but how to file a grievance and/or lawsuit over an offense either real or imagined). The professor was a radical black feminist who blames middle-aged white men (me) for everything. We locked horns right away about whether the justice system was slewed racially or economically. I argued that a wealthy black man with a good lawyer would walk whereas a poor white guy with a public defender would go to the pen. I got a C for a really easy class in which I deserved an A.

Nobody gives me a C and gets away with it.. The Chair of the department really wanted me to sign a Poly Sci major and not Econ. I had been published twice (the prof= 0). He had told me if I had any problems with the faculty to come see him... I immediately had an A. He told me the only reason she even got the job was because she was black and the admin made him hire her.

My next C came from another feminazi. I double minored, Econ and Philosophy and I need Ethical Theory for my minor. The first half was fine, I got an A for my midterm. The second half of the semester was Karl Marx as an ethical theorist. For my final (bluebook) I wrote that Marx caused more misery and bloodshed in the 20th Century than all the deadly diseases combined. His theories were based on foolish assumptions of human nature and his theories were so ridiculous that any literate 6th grader could easily demolish them. I went on that his personal behavior was abominable. I used his wife's autobiography as reference. He beat her and the children mercilessly and caused the death of their son. In fact most of his children died prematurely because of his neglect. He squandered his wife's sizable inheritance (she was a von Westphalen), raped and impregnated the maid and then blamed Engels (Engels recanted on his deathbed) and in any serious discussion of ethics that Marx doesn't even deserve a footnote (unless it was as a bad example)... I got another C.

My friend and mentor Dr. George Stengren, the former Chair of the Philosophy dept. informed me that her credentials were forged. All the publications she listed as her own were ones she had looked up and added her name to those of the real authors. Armed with this information, I was on my way to the Provost's. I told him that this was a clear case of consumer fraud. I was paying to be taught by people with legitimate credentials... I got my A and my money back (I was going to go to the newspapers).

My next confrontation was with this guy (I shit you not)

He taught a class on the History of the Vietnam War... should be an easy A right? It had nothing to do with the war... it was a glowing homage to the anti-war movement. This little hippie began to drone on and on about the "courage" of the protestors. I suggested that perhaps dodging bullets was more courageous than dodging the draft. He told me: "They tear-gassed us."

"They tear-gassed me 2 or 3 times before I ever got out of bootcamp," I replied, "What's your point."

"The police hit us with clubs sometimes," he said.

"They shot us with real bullets," I came back with.

"They sprayed us with hoses," he replied defensively.

"After 2 weeks in the shit, I would have paid them to spray me with a hose," I said. "Look," I told him, "You and your buddies were just a bunch of gutless fucks that had such a high opinion of themselves that they thought they were too valuable (and cowardly) to stand up for their country."

He kicked me out of class. Well, I was out already so just to show the class what he was made of, I gave him an opportunity to come outside and demonstrate his courage. He started squeaking that he would call someone if I didn't leave. The class got a good laugh.

And so did the Provost (with whom I was on a first name basis by this time). "What is it this time?" He asked wearily. I explained what had happened. "You didn't threaten him did you?" Bill asked. I told him I didn't. "Alright, you get your tuition back," he says, "now get out of here and try not to come back until next semester."

And that's why I fight!

GIF by @papa-pepper