Consciousness has holes through which one can fall out of reality, into our fantasies.

Confusion of identity. One of the most common traps is when we get involved with something that we confuse with ourselves. That something can be a feeling, a belief or a goal.

In each situation the person has projected their own sense of identity and need for the safety of someone or something. They have focused on that something, rather than on themselves. Those things happen when we forget that we have our own place in the world and think that external things, like money and goals, or intangibles, like ideals, create happiness and are essential to our well-being, these kinds of things happen to many people who embark on a kind of crusade in which they passionately believe. It can lose all sense of proportion and balance and become off-center.

Control and manipulation. Another frequent abyss is when we try to control something we can't control. That uncontrollable thing can be other people's feelings, beliefs, or attitudes, or it can be certain situations that are essentially out of control.

We decentralize when we try to protect, control, possess, or correct something or someone in our environment over which we have no control. Sometimes we make mistakes thinking that we can make others happy, that we can make them want to stop drinking, that we can correct their bad habits or attitudes. We may believe that we can control their behavior and that they have no choice about their response and our manipulations. That is an illusion that we cling to to protect ourselves from the terrible and terrifying truth that we do not control the world.

We decentralize by pretending to have that control, if we find the buttons we should press. We decentralize by getting so involved with others that we focus on them instead of ourselves. With that illusion of passage we protect ourselves from the terrible certainty that, although we do not control the world, we do control and are responsible for ourselves.

..We act under a fallacy, whose logic is:

..Assumption one: I can control you, because I am stronger and smarter than you.

..Assumption Two: People who are stronger and smarter than I can control me.

..Conclusion: I am responsible for your behavior and feelings, and others are responsible for mine.

The main flaw in this logic is that neither assumption is true. There is an old saying that says: You can take a horse to the water, but you can't force him to drink. We can push others, but the answer is in their hands. If we are not aware of that and do not accept it, we sink into confusion, and often think that we are victims of a spell.

Basically what happens is that we do not take responsibility for ourselves, for our thoughts, attitudes or actions. We may have in mind plans adopted from others, who may have done everything in their power, pressuring us to accept those programs. However, it is we who ultimately make the decision. No matter how much they insist on an idea, no matter how deep-rooted a habit, the decision is up to us. Exercising that decision in a new way can be extremely difficult, perhaps we should try again and again, and need others to help us break the old patterns. But the decision is always ours.

When we try to perfect and control our environment rather than ourselves, we avoid the fact that the only thing we have absolute authority and responsibility over is ourselves.

Another cause for decentralization is the desire to gain approval and with it, we hope, the love of others.

It is another way of pretending to control others. We may think that if we do everything that others want, they have to approve us, love us and care about our needs. For that, we focus on their desires and not ours, and choose what we believe they want.

That pattern of behavior brings with it certain problems. We may not do what others really want, and they may be bothered by our efforts and attention.

The main problem about love for approval is that, in order to please others, we suppress and ignore our own feelings and desires. This can harm our health. Emotional energy has to manifest itself. Although we ignore and repress our feelings, they remain in us as energy. If they are strong or reproduce often, they can adopt a destructive life, inducing us to sabotage ourselves with behaviors that do not produce the desired reaction or causing diseases in the body, or both. Today it is not disputed that the stress generated by this type of behavior and the emotions it involves are a factor that favors cancer or other diseases.

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