CONTROL

The boundaries that we set for our children are ultimately for their own benefit, do we however control them too much? How much is too much/little?

In hindsight, I have definitely hindered my son’s growth of physicality. I was so overprotective that he never really hurt himself to learn from his mistakes. I was always there to catch him if he fell. I put my own needs in ahead of his. He needed to fall over, graze his leg, see a little blood, in order to know for next time. It’s a hindrance because I’ve made him nervous and apprehensive with physically challenging things.

Now, when we go to the park, I have to encourage him to step out of his comfort zone. He has to try, complete and redo 3 times. But, I’m just undoing damage I’ve caused. I was so afraid he’d hurt himself, I literally couldn’t help myself but to rescue him and I’d often argue with whoever told me to back off.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a solid runner, he loves playing football, does karate twice a week and participates in pretty much any sport he can get involved in; it’s the apprehension of doing physical things he’s never done before because I always helped him or caught him etc. Gymnastics is a great example – I’ve watched him whilst he’s been in gymnastics class and I can see the fear in his eyes.

This is one thing I’ve done wrong and unfortunately, he’s now paying the price for it.
The level of control I had over his growth here, was far too much. I should’ve been there to catch him if it was a danger, but not over a little graze.

The funny thing is, aside from this I have not controlled my son. I don’t ever demand he does things, I don’t make decisions for him but I do set boundaries. The two are not the same. Control is directly influencing behaviour or events and boundaries are parameters set.

Finding this balance has been one of my biggest challenges as a mother. I feel like I’m getting better and I’m definitely encouraging him to do things that we both fear (we conquered zip-lining a few weeks ago). I always encourage a sense of bravery when trying new things and I try to lead by example now.

The best exercises I find are challenges. We set challenges all the time, physical, mental and I hope by encouraging this and leading the way that I can undo the damage that I have done.