'Tis Pity She's a Whore: A Pop Opera - Act III, Scene iii (Annabella's Examination)

Act III, Scene iii

LOCATION: In a small pool of light at the side of the stage, RICHARDETTO and PHILOTIS appear, seemingly making furtive plans.

Richardetto: Come, Philotis. We shall disguise ourselves once more as doctor and clarinetist to catch the conscious of the King and sway fair Annabella to elope with our gentleman suitor, Grimaldi. I have a wager on it that if all goes according to plan, we shall be the beneficiaries of a winning stock option with infinite upside.

Philotis: How exciting, Uncle!

Richardetto: Come, come, make haste!

Philotis: Right!

They exit the pool of light.

Lights up on ANNABELLA and FLORIO in ANNABELLA’S room. Shortly thereafter, RICHARDETTO enters as the doctor.

RICHARDETTO is seen in a white doctor's suit, administering a physical examination to ANNABELLA, with her arms spread out.

Throughout this conversation, PHILOTIS plays the clarinet in the background.

Florio: Is it serious, doctor?
Richardetto: Well...
He corrects his voice so that it sounds more authoritative.
Richardetto: It's not so easy to say, sir.
He pushes ANNABELLA’S head to the left with a deliberate slowness to act out professionalism, yet there is a level of carelessness about his motions.
Richardetto: She may have a whole host of maladies...

FLORIO gulps.

Florio: Like what, doctor?
Richardetto: Oh, I don't know. Like measles, mumps, syphilis. Eukaryotic dyskinesias.
Florio: Syphilis?!
Richardetto: Just kidding.
Florio: Oh.
Richardetto: It's hard to say, it's hard to say.
He does a few more arbitrary physical gestures with ANNABELLA.
Richardetto: Hmmm, it seems like she's got some arteritis medial to the inner aspect of the sublingual dorsum.
Florio: Is that bad doctor?
Richardetto: Could be, if we don't treat it right away. We would need to apply some admonium hydrochloride cream 1.345% with tincture of cilantro ventrally to the left axilla and aurally to right subarachnoid space.
Florio: Cilantro?! Subarachnoid space? It's worse than we thought!
Richardetto: Yes, sir, it is...indeed...worse than we thought. But don't worry because cilantro isn't terribly toxic if it's admixed with other compounds.
Florio: Goodness me, I had no idea.
Richardetto: You and the rest of humanity, sir. It's a little known trade secret of our profession.

He smiles and then gets back to work.



Florio: Continue, sir! Please! Hurry!
Richardetto: I’m doing the best I can!

RICHARDETTO resumes. He opens her mouth and looks inside, he put his eye up to her eye, blows in her ear, plucks a hair from her head, holds it up to the light, sniffs it, and licks it before throwing it on the ground.

Florio: When did you start feeling this way, Annabella dear?
Annabella: For a couple of weeks now, father.
Florio: And what are you experiencing?
Annabella: Nausea mostly. Fatigue. And I'm also terribly weak. I can hardly get out of bed some days. And then there are times when I feel awfully hungry.
Florio: Did you hear that, doctor?
Richardetto: I certainly did. But what she describes is vague and could apply to many...and could meet the criteria for diagnosis of various conditions of the humors. Hence, why she presents here today. (To Annabella) Do lie down, dear.

ANNABELLA lies down.

Annabella: Thank you, doctor.

RICHARDETTO faces Florio again.

Florio: So, what do you think?
Richardetto: I think this calls for drastic treatment. We will make a compound of ginger root, rose moss, gold shavings, and brine. Then it’ll be injected into a pig’s bladder before being dried, crushed, powdered, liquified again and injected into Annabella.
Florio: Goodness. Will it hurt?
Richardetto: It’ll be quite uncomfortable for the pig but for Annabella it’ll be fine.
Florio: Is that all?
Richardetto: For now, your majesty. We've got to get to the root of this cause, no pun intended. We must extract and eradicate the issue, and the only way to do that is one step at a time by determining what works and what doesn't, sensitively and specifically.

FLORIO watches as RICHARDETTO reaches into his coat and pulls out a large knife. He places it next to ANNABELLA.

He pulls out a hammer and places it next to ANNABELLA.

Finally, he takes off his belt and hands it to ANNABELLA.

Richardetto: You might want that to bite onto, my dear.
Florio: Oh god, Doctor. But what if she doesn't get better?
Richardetto: We move on with another differential. We search another root cause, testing other hypotheses. I've got a whole bunch of tests and devices in the good ol' caddy caduceus here.

He gestures at his bag.

Richardetto: I’ll need you to be calm. I believe that we have caught this early enough so that it shall not be fatal. However, it will mean that you’ll need to follow my instructions to the letter. Tea would be the best now.
Florio: The letter “T”?
Richardetto: No, the hot drink. What good would the letter “T” be? Glad I came and didn’t leave you to figure this out yourselves. Do you think you can follow my directions? Better yet, did you write them down?
Florio: Absolutely. I will make sure that she takes her medicine just the way you told us. Thank you so much, doctor, you are truly a gift from heaven!

FLORIO extends his hand to shake RICHARDETTO’S.

RICHARDETTO turns with the knife in his shaking hand.

FLORIO switches hands so RICHARDETTO switches hands with the knife.

They do this a few times until RICHARDETTO hands FLORIO the knife, with a little clumsy laugh, and shakes hands.

FLORIO is left with the knife and looks at it.

Richardetto: Gift no. Blessed by the good Lord? I leave that up to my patients to say.
Florio: I bet they say you are.
Richaretto: The ones that live, yes.

FLORIO does a double take.

Florio: I’m sorry?
Richardetto: Not as much as they were. Now, if there is a change in status, some kind of chronic flatulence or hallucination for example, do not hesitate to call me. Otherwise, I'll see you on the same day in two weeks. Is that fair?
Florio: More than fair, dear sir.
Richardetto: (to Annabella) Now, you get some rest, dear girl. We want you to feel better!
RICHARDETTO snickers a little bit but covers this up masterfully while delivering sleep-inducing rohypnol.
On stage, this should look like a poison toxin. Consider using stage lighting to create this effect.
Richardetto: Take this, my dear lady.

RICHARDETTO hands ANNABELLA the shot glass and she gulps it down.

Richardetto: Excellent.
Annabella:Thank you, doctor.
Richardetto: You are most welcome.
Annabella: I hope you don’t mind, but I think I shall shut my eyes now.
Richardetto: You could try not too, but I don’t think that would be successful.
Annabella: Pardon?
Richardetto: Hmm? You rest now, dear, you’re so tired you’re hearing things.

ANNABELLA nods and shuts her eyes.

ANNABELLA is out cold.

She is snoring loudly.

Florio: That was fast.

PHILOTIS’S playing of the clarinet becomes more ominous now that ANNABELLA is out cold.
RICHARDETTO signals to the clarinetist to discontinue her playing immediately.

Richardetto: Looks good. (beat) You know, I hear this is the month she is supposed to be married?
Florio: Why, yes! How did you know?
Richardetto: The royal grapevine, sir. Word travels fast here in Parma! I even saw some wedding flyers in the streets earlier today, so I could only assume...
Florio: Really? We have those? How odd, I didn't order a press release. (beat). Anyway, she is to be eloped with Sir Soranzo of Venice. Do you know him?

RICHARDETTO narrows his eyes with anger and dismay, but keeps this micro-expression away from FLORIO for fear that he might reveal himself.

RICHARDETTO soon smiles as he considers his plans for extricating SORANZO.

Richardetto: Ah yes, sir Soranzo, I know him well. The champion soldier of Venice. A very fine specimen indeed. (In an acquiescing tone) I daresay—not to violate HIPAA, he's a good man for this dear girl.
Florio: I sure think so, he's a valiant soldier here in Parma and has won many rewards and medals for his victories on the battlefield.
Richardetto: You couldn't have chosen the wiser, sir, 'tis true.
Florio: Thank you, dear sir.
Richardetto: I just hope that she starts to feel better soon enough so that she can partake in her own wedding. Wouldn't it be just a travesty if she had to be subdued for most of it, or heaven forbid, cancel the wedding entirely on account of her illness.
Florio: Please, doctor, heaven have mercy. I'm worried enough as it is with the girl not taken with any of the suitors.
Richardetto: Ah, that’s interesting. She doesn’t like any of the suitors, you say? Not even Soranzo?
Florio: Not one, but maybe Lord Soranzo whom she has known since childhood. Strange, is it not?
Richardetto: ‘Tis. What do you make of it?
Florio: Lord knows, but I went ahead and arranged the matrimonial ceremony on account that we wouldn’t find another. The girl must be married.
Richardetto: Of course.
Florio: Why, if we extend this search any longer, we might end up having no one for her, except... except her brother!

FLORIO laughs.

Florio: Can you imagine? Heaven have mercy!
Richardetto: I would think we shan’t go there, your majesty.
Florio: Of course not. Sometimes you just have to step in and act on another person’s behalf—to act, as it were, in their best interests. I’ve learned this much from ruling Parma.
Richardetto: Your wisdom is profound, my Lord.
Florio: Thank you. Anyway, I figured there’s enough chemistry betwixt the two that they’ll just naturally fall into a relationship.
Richardetto: Well, studies do indeed show—
Florio: If I just push them enough, you know?
Richardetto: Indeed, sir. You can. And you will! It appears a reasonable strategy, but never say never, as I always say.

RICHARDETTO grins as he thinks of his plans.



Florio: Please, doctor, don’t make me nervous. I’m already overwhelmed, as I’ve told you already.
Richardetto: Apologies, sir, I didn't mean to strike a chord. I can only imagine the strain and worry this situation hath inspired. But rest assured, everything will fall into place, in time, as I have found in my own affairs of the heart, at least. Don’t despair. She’ll come around!

FLORIO breaths a sigh of relief and then RICHARDETTO pats him on the back.

Florio: Bless you, sir! Bless you!

RICHARDETTO checks his watch.

Richardetto: Alas, I must be heading out. I'm due for another appointment at half past twelve.
Florio: Oh yes, sir, quite right. My apologies for holding you up.
Richardetto: ‘Tis no worry. I do anything for the King.

RICHARDETTO smiles and bows.

Florio: Well, as I’ve said, the pleasure and honor is mine, sir. Thank you for coming at such short notice to aid in my dear Annabella’s recovery.
Richardetto: Don't mention it, my Lord. Just call me in about a week, send for me by carrier.
Florio: Will do, sir.

They both bow out of respect for one another.

Florio: Bon voyage, sir.
Richardetto: Keep fit, my friend, keep fit.

RICHARDETTO exits with PHILOTIS who, first bowing, then cartwheels and backhand springs away, toward the exit.

FLORIO doesn’t view this behavior as unusual.

FLORIO turns to look at a sleeping ANNABELLA.

The clock chimes the hour.

FLORIO looks at the clock out of nervousness and then back to ANNABELLA.

Transition music begins to play as the lights fade to black for the next scene.

END SCENE.