VIVIENDO LA VIDA DEL BANDIDO

A couple decades, and a half, back I was a young buck. I was young, ornery, stubborn as a mule, and had a pension for trouble. I was the type of kid that would've given William H. Bonnie a drink and a grand old time at the saloon. My chosen uniform for the time was blue jeans, denim shirt, cowboy boots and a duster with a cowboy hat. Everything about me screamed trouble with capital 'T'.

My older brother was going through a similar phase, though he was slightly more responsible. After all, he had a younger brother to impress, but it worked both ways. One would try and outdo the other with his antics. Our poor mother was beside herself with fury, and sad to see her two boys acting the fools. Those were simpler times. A kid could get away with and be forgiven for a lot. Adults had no problem correcting our bad behavior. Giving us an attitude adjustment, right on top of the head...as the song goes.

We traveled quite a bit back in those days. My brother and I were trouble, but still very much the gentlemen. Even though we had a unique sense of humor and a tendency towards finding and rooting out the best places to cause mayhem, we were still polite. At one point though we took things a touch too far.

We had traveled to a place where one of the main attractions was a train ride. The train itself was an old steam train from the 1900's. One the attractions of this particular train ride was that people got to experience a mock train robbery by bandits. It was all rehearsed and the crowds loved it. People would stand in line for up to and hour or more to have the experience of chugging along the old train tracks in a steamer and get held up by bandits.

Well, being who we were, my brother and I came up with a "cunning plan"! We would hold up the train robbers! *****CAUTION*****
Now don't go getting any ideas, I know y'all can be impressionable and all, but the following scenario should not be copied or repeated in any way, especially in this day and age. If you attempt this, I won't be responsible for your actions.

We went to the souvenir shop and found all the right gear we needed for this particular caper. We purchased plastic squirt guns and bandannas and then set off for the train. We stood in line for fifteen minutes and were then let on to the train. We had filled our oh so obvious squirt guns with water prior to getting on the train, so we were ready to squirt anyone who stood in our way. Boys will be boys after all.

Looking every bit the part of a train robber ourselves, we sat quietly. I was on one end of the train car while my brother sat on the other end. We had the exits covered. The ride was pleasant enough. I remember looking out at the scenery passing by and marveling at the beauty of the park. How had I not been here before, it was amazing! The ride was nearing the halfway point and that's about when the bandits entered the car. They came in and made their grand announcement that nobody should panic. They said that nobody would get harmed if we all just played along. Well, that was our cue to stand up and turn the tables!

I looked at my brother and he returned the glance and nodded. We stood up and faced down the bandits. Pulling our own pistols, we had the drop on them. Of course, had our pistols not been obviously made of some space age plastic and dripping wet from the barrels, things could've gone poorly for us. Fortune favors the bold though. We got the drop on these would be robbers and the shock and awe of this was too much for them. They faltered in their tracks for just a moment before they tried to take control of the situation again. They were spouting a bunch of nonsense about how we should sit back down and put away our funny looking sidearms. We weren't having any of that. "Y'all need to scarper off now" I said, " This here is our train to rob, go find yer own train!" "We'll be done here shortly and if yer good, we'll cut ya in fer half"

The stunned look of the would be robbers was absolutely priceless. Still they kept on trying to take control of the situation, apparently they weren't ready to go off script. The closest robber took one step towards me to try and relieve me of my sidearm(water gun) and that's when he got a taste of it. I wasn't about to let anyone upstage me, especially not these upstarts. My brother and I let them have it! Both robbers got soaked!

At this time the train pulled into the station. We didn't get what we had come for (figuratively speaking. We had a plan to relieve the robbers of any candy they had, but unfortunately they ended up pushing up daisies instead), but at the same time we did. Just before the train stopped we jumped off and high tailed it away into the crowds. We removed our gear and changed clothes in a hidden area. The robbers called their posse to hunt us down. We had split up for a while. Mixing in with crowds and wearing different clothes (We had purchased some souvenir shirts and hats, changed in a shadow, and put our good hat and clothes in the bags and stored the bags in a locker) we saw the posse searching high and low for us.

Finally the coast was clear. We got back together and decided to head out of the park. There was much more to this story, but I still feel it's necessary to protect certain people, places and events from becoming public knowledge. Needless to say, our mother was not pleased by these events. In fact she was utterly mortified by this turn of events! You see, she had ring side seats to these shenanigans, lol, and she swore not to let us go back as long as she was alive. She had no clue what was about to happen. I've never been back. We didn't start out wanting to rob the robbers, but after having done everything the park had to offer...well, we had to have one last hurrah.

I hope this story of my past finds you well.
Much love and light,
X