Steem Wars: The Voyages of the R.S. Flying Wardrobe: Episode Seven, Containment

The Steemiverse: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Reader Ship Flying Wardrobe. Its mission: to seek quality content in the Stream of Steem. To curate unknown writers. To boldly upvote posts no man has upvoted before!

Science officers log: I am Seven’OData. The ship’s sole science officer.

Seven! Get your butt to sick bay and break out the hazmat suits. We need to be ready to decontaminate Jay and Tiny when they get back. Let’s hope that’s all they’ll need.

A message from R2-BEX2 glares across the screen in the usual sardonic fashion. I stand, blink twice, and run.

Not today. No more missions. I much more would prefer my experiments. Brains are better than another… how would a human say? Berating? Bex must be on her automated woman schedules.

I don the hazmat suit anyway. More experiments are to be had.

In the transporter room I wait for my fellow crew members by the console. Is this the comradery humans speak of? The two beam into the ship, arriving in a an array of white speckles.

“Hello Miss Tiny.” I look back and forth between them. “Who is that?” I blink, motioning to the peculiar man on the transporter. Human. Brown eyes. Poetic looking. Then I notice the jars they are both carrying.

“It can’t be…”

“It’s Jay! The guy we’re here to rescue!” Tiny holds out two jars. “Take these and store them somewhere the zombie won’t find them.”

Instead, I tap the console controls and seal the room. Another tap opens a panel in the side of the console, and I take out a rusted old metal tank. I take the tank in hand and immediately spray the transporter deck in a thick fog. It covers the transporter deck in a thin veil of white. Tiny and Jay fall to the floor, the jars of brains rolling carelessly. Two jars roll into each other and break.

“I have been ordered to quarantine you.” I yell over the fog as it if were Bex fussing from behind a crystalline screen. I stand over my subjects as they writhe on the floor. “Once the tests are done and we verify you’re not infected…”

Tiny looks up through obvious pain. “I am going to take you apart!”

I stand and study her weakened form. I hold out my palm and begin my scan.

“Not today, you won’t.” My hand begins to buzz. It doesn’t mean anything, but I make it buzz anyway. Carbon lifeforms usually shut up when they hear it. After a moment I move my hand toward Jay and do the same.

“This is not good.” I raise my voice and address the ever present viewscreen. “Bex! I am pleased to report that our crew is probably not infected with the virus. The brains they brought back however are infected. Two brains have escaped containment. I recommend complete quarantine of the brains, including Tiny’s and Jay’s.”

*Well that’s just great! What the hell were they bringing those brains back here for anyway? Look, Seven. You get back to the bridge right away. Beam the loose brains off the ship, quarantine everything else, and you get your ass to the bridge. We’re leaving orbit and entering hypersteem in three… two… one.

Barely enough time to brace myself against the console. Tiny, Jay, and all the brains go sliding across the floor to end up against the wall. More jars break. More brains exposed.

I want one. To experiment on, of course. While I gather up the loose brains for transport, I slip one into my storage cavity for later. No one will know.