How you interact in Finland
It's winter and you need to make your way into the city to get something that your town doesn't have. You feel the anxiety build up of having to potentially interact with people on your route and hate yourself for not having a car at this moment in time which would be a blessing for your safe space.
You put on your jacket and shoes and take a deep breath, look out of the peephole in your door to make sure the lights in the apartment are off cause if they are on it means that someone else might be on their way out and that's something you want to avoid. It seems safe so you open the door and take your first steps out after not remembering when the last time was. As you are about to call for the elevator you notice it's already on the way down so the only choice you have now is to take the steps down cause the odds of them heading for the same floor are 1 out of 5 and you know how unlucky you usually are.
On your way to the bus stop you see another person walking by you, this is where things get intense. You don't greet a stranger but at the same time it's rude not to greet someone you know, you now have to check as they are getting closer if it is someone you know without looking at their direction while they are figuring out if you are someone they know. You kind of look straight ahead and take a peak now and then, awkwardness is surely to ensue if you both look at the same time and realize none of you know each other.
You remember that you should buy a drink for the bus but the risk that the bus driver will tell you something like "be careful not to spill that inside the bus" and face shame from the rest of the passengers or having to go inside the store and interact with the worker there might be too big to face. Your throat is really dry so you have to do it anyway. While inside the store looking for the smallest drink so the driver won't ever know you have it on you but at the same time make sure it has a cap so you can drink it in hiding, you hope no one you know happens to see you in the store and in worst case scenario come to the checkout at the same time when you are there waiting for your turn as that would probably require some small talk which no one in Finland has the ability to do. You take out your card and pay with your taxed income on a taxed drink and make your way to the bus.
When waiting at the bus stop you make damn sure you are not standing too close to someone else, you stop about 2 meters from the closest other person waiting for the bus and then stand there. You don't walk past that queue to wait on the other side cause that would just be weird, you wait as if it's a queue to hop onto the bus but leave enough room for others to be able to lay down if they wanted to in a line.
When you hop in the bus you pray to whatever it is you believe in that there are two empty seats and that you don't have to sit beside someone. You realize the heavens have deserted you a long time ago and 3/4th's into the bus you notice that there are no double seats free cause everyone has taken one so now you have to sit beside someone and decide how much further you walk back or if it's disrespectful to the people close to you when you made the realization as they will wonder why you didn't just sit next to someone then and there. You try to quickly find the smallest person close to you and who doesn't have a bag in the seat next to them and sit down, you don't say a word. If you say something they will wonder if you know them or if you want to have a conversation, don't worry though cause 90% of the time they will have earphones on to protect them from any interaction. You sit down and realize you forgot yours so now all you can do is sit there in silence looking at your phone while the only other sound is the bus' engine. If you have don't have your phone charged you will find out what eternity feels like.
During the ride if a double seat becomes free close to you, it's not the polite thing to leave your neighbor and free him and yourself up. You just don't do that, it's like an unspoken agreement now and you both know it. If he is next to the window and is arriving at his spot you'll realize the only advantage to not having earphones with you that one day is that you can hear him rustle his bag or look towards your direction and you stand up without saying a word and when you sit back down you take the first breath since you left your apartment.
I am not joking.
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Wow! That's an amazing story. As an Englishman Living in Thailand, it's almost the complete opposite. Out here it widely encouraged to talk to complete strangers. As an example, if you are buying food at the local markets, you can expect to be asked numerous personal questions like, "Where do you live?", "Do you have a girlfriend yet?" and "Where are you going now?". To not respond to these questions, no matter how personal could be considered rude as this is the norm in Thai culture.
I can totally relate to this story though as I used to live in London and take a 40 minute ride to work on the underground train every day, it was very similar. Thousands of people in close proximity, all avoiding eye contact with their heads down and their earphones in.
Great post, thanks for sharing!
Haha had to share this coincidence of two similar opinions in a row. :)
and thanks! Yeah, things get very different fast depending on where you live and can be quite a cultural shock when abroad.
Thanks for sharing! Cultures in different countries has always been so interesting for me. Part of the reason I wanted to live in Asia. Have a great day!
I would love to visit both thailand and Finlqnd one day to appreciate this striking contrast forsthand😁😁
Haha, as a norwegian, I can really relate to this. awesome post! :D
I used to suffer a lot of anxiety myself. I still do to some extent, but age and maturity help a lot. As you get older, you become more comfortable in your own skin and less sensitive to what other people think. I eventually became content with myself the way I am. I'm not perfect and not this or that, but I am who I am and I'm happy with that.
Being yourself is a nice thought, although we are sometimes accounted for. if I want to sell a work of art to a gallery, I'm going to wear a tie and pulled it back, while with my friend I am completely myself an more open, dont see meself give the gallery owner a hug
although I am always pretty satisfied with myself, although everyone has a wrong side, nice comment
That's true. There are certain societal norms and customs we have to follow in order to be successful. During the work week, I take a shower in the morning, dress nicely and show up at the office on time. On weekends, I may very well sleep late, not shower on one of the days and dress like a hobo. Regardless of where I am, I try to be true to myself.
The point I was trying to make is that I found that as I got older, I became less anxious. Drinking and drugs are not the way to handle it. Age and maturity really help, and I've also recently gotten into meditation, which I think is very helpful.
Well I try to leave alcohol and drugs behind me now. And now more to professional help and sometimes even prescribed pills, if necessary. But old age has not changed anything about how I look and feel in this world, although I have the feeling that I come across more like-minded people here and on discord.
And I personally can not just sit inside for too long, because then the stimulus is too big when I come back outside. and mood is also often a key role
a nice introduction, I am from the Dutch speaking part of Belgium
I've found that old age and maturity have helped. Like you, I get restless and need to move around. I also try to focus on the positive things in life and all that I have for which I should be grateful. Focusing on negative things that I cannot control is very counterproductive. I wish you happiness and peace my friend.
find peace in life is a gooed start i ges, greetings have some great day
I enjoy reading your post...nice to know about other countries..i was wondering why they don’t interact with other..in our country if we are in same bus we will like to talk,if we didn’t talk they think its rude..but different country different culture.
a little more kindness and direct contact would improve the interactions a lot, I always try to be friendly and say a good day, but most of them look weird at me back, and get back to there ego .;
Yep, it happens sometime..@jackjohnanneshemp
I've used public transportation in several dozen different large cities in Europe and I haven't seen people talk much to strangers standing or sitting next to them. There may exist more extroverted cultures in places I have not visited but I can say that people don't talk to strangers on trains or buses anywhere in Western Europe. They don't talk much in Eastern Europe, either. I've traveled by train in Russia and Poland. This phenomenon is not particularly Finnish but maybe we are slightly more extreme in this compared to other Europeans. Despite this, I have never, and I mean never, had any difficulty finding someone to talk to on a train in Finland if I've been in a talking mood. If there is nobody near my seat who seems to be open to entertaining themselves by conversing with a stranger, I just go to the restaurant car, order a beer and sit down at or near a table where there is someone looking bored.
It varies a great deal from person to person. When I visited Lombardy in Italy fifteen years ago, I was taken by surprise by how taciturn the locals seemed. They were not the incessant chatterboxes I had imagined most Italians would be. Perhaps in the South ... but I might be in for a disappointment again. ;)
As an introvert, this is so my thing. I behave very finnish.
This was exactly what i was thinking, this is an introvert person perspective!
I'm really confident in my self so i dont agree with this perspective but i was something really interesting to read
😂😂😂. My British friend described an interaction almost EXACTLY like this.
I feel for you
Wow is this the way everyone feels in Finland? It must be difficult to have any social interactions there.
I can definitely be a bit introverted myself.
I can tell you if you ride the bus here in Texas someone's likely to put their arm around you and pull you close to them and start telling you how they feel about something like the president or politics.
I'm not sure which situation I prefer.
That would be a nightmare for us Finns.
I'm an extrovert but someone pulling their arm around me and telling me how Trump is going to make America great again is a horrific thought. :D
Wow is this the way everyone feels in Finland? It must be difficult to have any social interactions there.
Not me.
So that's why your junior hockey team seems so damn quiet on the ice when they play in the world tournament and try to beat us Canadians...
Interesting.
OMG this is opposite of how we interact in the Philippines. We talk to strangers just like family members. Only few are snobbish (I am one of them. LOL! I don't want to be hypnotized by scammers/thieves and all the "bad elements").
I am laughing here while reading... "leaves enough room for others to lay down if they wanted to in a line." I imagine someone laying down.
(^_^)
Daamn, I felt like you were describing me. Except that was me many years ago. Now I am awkward in a different way. It's interesting to see how alike we humans are :)
By the way, this was well thought out and very original. Who would of thought to write something like this. Nice job mate!