My Story Part 6; Living Arrangements

While we were planning the wedding, we did some house hunting. On one occasion, I wasn’t available to go see one place thus he got annoyed and decided to hunt with his brother and they found a place; a place “conveniently” 5mins drive from his sister’s house.

He has 3 siblings; 2 older sisters; first born(let’s call her Sasha), second born(let’s call her Serena) and a younger brother(let’s call him Nate).Now Serena is married with 2 daughters.Sasha and Nate live with her in her matrimonial home.

We were driving through town one day (wedding planning season; after he and his brother had found the house)..As we drove he suddenly spoke up, “Nate will be coming to live with us”. He wasn’t asking me. He wasn’t discussing with me. He was telling me. I was alarmed..shocked..I felt a rush of some wave of fear..I didn’t understand.I couldn’t even process how to respond. With all that going through my head, I calmly asked him why we didn’t discuss this and he told me “It’s not everything that I have to discuss with you”. Imagine my disbelieve. I still cannot describe every emotion that went through my system that day. I couldn’t comprehend what was unfolding. But because of some incidents that had already taken place, I didn’t/couldn’t say anything again because I didn’t want to get him angry.
I had started walking on egg shells around him without realizing. I had allowed a trend roll out and I wasn’t even aware. Everything had become “I don’t want him to get angry so go with what he wants”. I just wanted peace at the end of the day.

We got married, moved in and in a few weeks, his brother joined us. Before this, he had started ordering me around the house or should I say I had started allowing him order me around.
He wanted the entire house, both inside and the whole compound swept and dusted every morning before I left for work.
It’s a 3 bedroom house with quite a large compound. I tried for awhile but it was too much work. I mentioned to him and suggested I alternate between sweeping inside and outside everyday. He told me that is not how he was brought up and that where he’s from, you have to do all of it everyday. As a result he branded (and called) me lazy.

Everyday after l’d managed to get myself to go through this chore, he would come “inspecting” and pointing out spots you missed. For some reason, he thought/insinuated that I was intentionally sweeping anyhow because he had asked me to thus I “wasn’t doing it well”(according to him).

A day wouldn’t go by without me sweeping. Even if I was sick, I would have to get up and sweep; regardless of how I felt. No days off. I woke up every single morning during pregnancy to sweep in the morning; no matter how I felt because in his words; “Pregnancy is not a disease/illness”.
When Nate moved in, he asked/tasked Nate to be sweeping outside while I did the inside.
Nate started to go some days without sweeping. I saw it.He saw it. But did he say anything? No.

Fast forward, 2 months ago he informed me Serena was leaving the country with her kids thus Sasha would be coming to live with us while she looked for her own place to rent. Sasha comes in and goes
“Oh hey, I’m coming to be here with you till Serena returns in 4 months”.
I’m like “But I thought they weren’t coming back?”
She goes “Yeah but they might come and then go back”.
Ermm.. so then why are you waiting for them if they’ll come but leave again?The two stories were not adding up so I confronted my husband; I tried to be as calm as possible.
He then tells me “Well what I told you is what Serena said so i’ll have to find out from her”
And then he goes “she’ll leave in the end so?”
End being?..next year?..in 4 years?
I said “what I am asking is for clarity because what you both said are not the same”.
Then he replies with “Okay then she’ll leave in 4months”.
I responded with “ok” and walked out. What else could I do. Once again I had been told that a sibling was moving in(I mean they claim it’s while she house hunts). He wasn’t asking me. He wasn’t discussing with me. He was telling me.

The 3 bedroom house is now full; no room for guests; well technically no room for MY guests because “their” guests can sleep with either Nate or Sasha but my guests..that’s not possible.
Also, the cooking has been moved here. Sasha cooks for my husband, herself and Nate while I cook for myself and my children (read about how my husband stopped eating my food here; My Story Part 5; Team “those who can’t cook” ).

….Patience is the most difficult act in the world.
Let’s see what happens after 4 months…
I think we all know already though…