She could barely stand, but somehow she grabbed the car keys and ran. Jen even managed to leap over the wooden fence that lined the side of the road and run down the hill of tall marsh grass, towards a creek. The water was calm, flat, and shiny like a mirror. Splashing into it felt like breaking a seal on something pure, as though she were spoiling an innocent brook with her own drama. Jen felt her lungs twist in her chest and bent over until she could grip her knees. She held them hard. Maybe she'd been a soldier once. Hell - she was a soldier now. Once a Marine, always a Marine, right? Even when you could feel the cancer ripping you open and making you weak.

The grass rustled behind her. Shit. What had she been thinking? She was just going to run into the woods? It took all her energy for her to sprint a hundred feet and now she felt like dying. Meanwhile, Dad was taking his time.

"Jen?" came the familiar voice.

"Fuck you." she wheezed. "Leave me alone."

He placed a hand on her shoulder. Her turncoat shell of a body decided this would be a good time to spew vomit into the shallow water. Then she dropped the keys she'd stolen into the red and brown chunks that were now floating there. To top things off, her pants felt warm.

"Uh." she groaned. "You made me piss myself."

Dad waded into the spoiled creek. He was wearing his L. L. Bean all weather boots, even though all weather probably didn't mean summertime to most people. He rolled up one blue denim sleeve and reached into the water, pulling up the key chain. He shoved them right back in his pocket and stood there, ankle deep, and watched her with his hands on his hips.

"Don't look at me like that." she said. "It makes me feel like I'm six again."

"We'll get you changed, okay?"

"And then you'll take me home?"

"Well." he paused.

The pause was a little too long and Jen said, "Well, what, Dad?"

"I'll make a deal. If this doesn't work, I'll take you home and you can see all the doctors you like."

With some pain, Jen lifted herself upright. The sun blinded her and her hair had come loose from its tight bun and was dancing about in the warm breeze as if it was going mad with all the unaccustomed freedom. Jen grinned, and broke into a throaty laugh that ended in coughing.

"That's not many doctors, Dad."

A few minutes later, they drove up to a gas station. It was one of those deals with a single pump and a mechanic's garage that looked as though it hadn't fixed a car since Volvo's had those checkerboard tail lights. There was also a store of sorts, with the words "ropical Fish" over the door. David wondered how long since the F had left town. At least the credit card machine on the pump worked. He filled up while his daughter went off to the bathroom.

The pump clicked and David decided to take a tour of the ropical Fish. Damp air and the sound of water filter pumps greeted him upon entering the door. So there were fish, even though he didn't see any. What he saw was a collection of odds and ends on shelves and leaning against one of the shelves was sign in pink spray paint reading, "Give a bit of trash, take a bit of treasure". There were toaster ovens and mixers and what appeared to be dozens of heavy colored glass vases. One shelf was nothing but framed pictures, mostly of Jesus.

Then something caught his eye. It was a snow globe, only instead of snow it scattered silver and blue glitter when you shook it. In the middle was Ariel, from The Little Mermaid. David grabbed the item and looked around. He called out, but no one answered. He wandered to the back of the store. There was a barn door, only this structure wasn't a real barn and the door was too small to be a real barn door. Once upon time someone must've thought it a quirky detail, only now it sort of annoyed David as he forced it to slide on its rusty rail.

He entered a clearing full of lawn chairs and - lo and behold - one of those ancient Volvos with the checkerboard tail lights. There was even a price soaped on the windshield. $300 or B.O. A skinny man leaned against the hood smoking a cig. He wore jean shorts and had his legs crossed. David approached him with the Disney artifact.

"I'd like to buy this." he said.

"Really?"

"That's right. My daughter had one like this. She's grown up now and thing's been gone for ages."

The man put the cigarette out on the hood of the car and dropped it on the ground. He sauntered up to David and gave him a smile.

"For you it's free."

"For me? Why for me?"

"Well, not exactly free. It will cost you one thing."

David took a step back. That was a strange reaction and he regretted it right away. He was six foot two and this little tree branch of a dude barely measured up to the middle of his chest. Why should he back away? The other man came a little closer. David could smell his breath. It wasn't cigarettes. It was more like... cinnamon? Dr. Pepper?

"Do you think I could have your number?" the man said.

It took David a minute to register the words. Then, without thinking, he hit the guy. He didn't think it was hard. He wasn't even sure he'd closed his fist. None of that mattered, however, given the physical difference between them. The little guy toppled over into the grass. Then he stood and sneered, blood trickling from his top lip.

"Really?" he said. "Tell me I'm wrong."

David pulled his wallet out. He removed a twenty, crumpled it up, and threw it on the ground. Then he marched out of the ropical fish, junk, and Volvo store without another word.

Jen came out and found the car with the gas nozzle still in it, but no Dad. She hung up the nozzle and glanced inside the car. He'd left his keys in the ignition. She had the briefest thought about taking off. But that wans't right. It was one thing to run away from Dad, but quite another to abandon him here in the middle of nowhere. The thought didn't matter anyway, since no sooner had it crossed her mind than Dad came tearing out from the store. In his hand he held a snow globe.

"Here." he said. "I got this for you when you were six. And I got it for you again."

She turned it over in her hands. "Maybe it's the same one."

"Maybe."

"You all right?"

He was sweating, but then again it was hot. The rapid breathing was unusual, though. So was the way he'd come out of that place as though someone were after him. That was strange thought, Dad running away from something. Jen never got an answer to her question. It didn't matter. Maybe her father had always done his best to make everyone feel safe, but underneath he was one confused son of a bitch. That was the whole reason for this trip, after all. They both climbed in the car and took off.

After they'd gone a few miles she said, "So this guy you're taking me to is the real deal?"

"His name's Charlie Wells."

"I know. You've told me. So you said Charlie made your arthritis go away?"

"That's right. And he did more than that."

They passed a spot where the low hills became more intermittent and Jen could see patches of rocky crags that gave way to thin sandy beaches as the tide went out. She saw a pair of kids crawling over a pile of red stone and snatch a crab that had become stranded in the pool left behind by the receding ocean. Jen wasn't close enough to see their feet, but she could almost feel how raw and blistered they must've felt. She'd done the same thing when she was their age.

"He offered me forgiveness." Dad said.

The words hung there like a bell chime that reverberated for seconds after the clapper struck. Forgiveness? In Jen's world, it was Dad who dispensed forgiveness. He wasn't supposed to be on the receiving end.

"What do you need forgiveness for?"

"Your mom wasn't happy. I feel like I lied to her about the kind of man I was."

"I don't think that's something you can lie about. You're kind of an open book."

She chuckled. Then his face jumped over and it startled her. His gaze lingered a little too long and it became clear that whatever he meant, it wasn't what she'd been thinking. Something inside Jen snapped to attention. There was something Dad was hiding. When he turned back to the road, the steel in his eyes made it clear he wasn't going to give it up easily. As usual, if Jen was going to figure out what was going on his head, she was going to have to pay careful attention to everything now. She waited.

He said, "And I guess I need to forgive myself again. Because of what happened to you."

"Stop the pity party, Dad."

"I'm serious. If you hadn't followed me into the Marines..."

"Jesus, cut the shit you old jarhead." She snickered. "All my life I've always wanted to be you. And don't get a big head because it's not because you were my idol, even if it sort of was. The thing is, I was never like the other kids. I was always more like you than anything. Even now, you're the person that gets me more than anyone. I mean, who else knows how they've got cigarettes in a C-Ration? Or what the hell a Chiclet is - because you can't get that shit anywhere else these days except in an MRE, along with a teeny roll of TP."

Dad laughed at that and it was the first time she'd heard him laugh the entire trip.

Jen went on. "I get that you feel guilty about what happened to me over there. That's natural. But just think about it this way. If you feel guilty because you think you made me follow in your footsteps, what does that make me? Some kind of puppet?"

"I see what you mean."

"I'll bet you do, old man. Don't get me wrong. I love you for it."

"I love you too."

"So this guy, he forgive you? Who gives him that right?"

Dad shook his head. "All I know is that he cured me of my arthritis. Then he laid hands on me and said God forgives you. And just like that, after years of trying not to feel ashamed, the weight lifted off me."

"Sure." Jen pursed her lips hard and breathed out through her nose. "And then he told you to kidnap me from the hospital and haul me to Winterport so he could lay hands on me too? You see, you let this guy think he can take all your guilt away and he can order around a six foot two badass."

"Are you lecturing me, sprout?"

"Sure as hell am, Daddy." said Jen. "It's why we all got to learn to forgive ourselves."

"Maybe I've been humbled in my old age. You know? Like I've been arrogant all this time."

"Well. This better work."

They arrived at the house. It was a little thing that looked like it had no more than two rooms on the bottom and two on the top, right under the roof slope. It stood next to an enormous and ancient barn. Three or four acres of unkempt lawn stretched behind it before meeting an abrupt end at some rather untamed looking woods. Corn fields filled the opposite side of the road. That was it. When they walked up, and balding old man with a cane approached the screen door. He shoved the door open and when the spring shut it behind him, the thing hit the frame with such a wallop that it bounced nearly all the way open again and then returned.

"David." said the old man.

"Hi Reverend Wells. You look well."

The truth was that Charlie didn't look so good to David. He looked like he'd been rotting away out here. Large blotches had appeared across the top of his head. Even so, he still moved with surprising speed and force. Charlie ushered father and daughter into the house. They passed through a little enclosed porch with humming refrigerator and then came to a kitchen. A strawberry rhubarb pie sat on the table, along with a pair of diet Cokes.

"So what do you do, exactly?" Jen said.

"Give him a minute, sprout." David said. "There's time for everything."

Jen shrugged. She sat and put the Ariel snow globe on the table with a thunk.

"What did you bring that in for?"

"I don't know." Jen twisted it by the top. The glitter twirled in a slow cyclone within. "Maybe I felt a little safer having it here."

"It's fine." said Charlie. "David, maybe while she gets comfortable you and I can go over anything that's been troubling you."

"Sure. There is something. Can we?" David gestured towards the stairs at the back of the house. He followed Charlie to a little bedroom and they sat together and he said, "I need some help. You see I did something. Something that's been running over and over in my mind."

David went silent. He watched the reverend for a reaction, but there was none. He just sat there on the bed with his hands resting on his cane. Despite the age creeping all over his head, his blue eyes were as clear as a baby's. He watched David with those eyes, and waited in silence.

"It was today." David said. "It was the man I bought that snow globe frome. I hit him and split his lip."

"That doesn't sound like you." said Charlie.

"It's because he came on to me." David looked at his shoes as though he were a third grader caught pulling pig tails. "He could see it in me right away. And the truth is, for a second I didn't mind. I mean, he was a bit skinny, but he was young and..."

"David, stop right there. You shouldn't be ashamed."

"What?"

"I said... don't be ashamed."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." Charlie stood. "You had every right to hit him. You may have been attracted to this man, but you didn't act on it. That's the difference. He gave in and that means he doesn't have any remorse. You should never feel guilty for anything you do to people who don't feel remorse."

David gave a moment of thought to this sentiment, but didn't have time to respond before he heard a crash from downstairs. No, not just a crash. It was glass breaking, followed by a dull thump. He shot up and started down the stairs and found he couldn't really run down. He was too big and the ceiling was too low. What he did was bow his legs out like a cowboy to lower himself and sort of hustle down the steps as fast as he could and try not to fall flat on his face.
At the bottom, he rounded the corner. Bits of curved glass had scattered across the old brown and white checkerboard linoleum. The mermaid globe's silver and blue glitter was visible on the white squares. There was the counter, and nearby David could see his daughter's feet. They were vibrating.

The next ten seconds felt like hours. It seemed to him that he just couldn't get his body to move fast enough. He found Jen face down and shaking. He knew this might happen. There was no way to stop it. The best thing to do was to keep her from injuring herself on the floor or against the shards of glass. He lifted her up and cradled her in his arms just as he'd done a thousand times before when she was a little girl. He carried his daughter back to the table and sat her up. When it was over, only about two minutes had passed. Nothing more. He had sweat through his denim shirt and it clung to him like plastic wrap.

Jen opened her eyes.

"What happened?" She looked around at the floor and saw the mess. "I had a seizure?"

David nodded. He found the base of the globe and Ariel was intact. He brushed away the remaining glass and handed it to Jen.

"Sorry."

"Daddy, I've got to go home."

"Right. Let's go then."

He held her up and helped her back to the porch. Then David heard keys rattling behind him. He turned and saw Charlie there with one hand resting on his cane the other jangling the car keys.

"It's my car." he said. "Remember?"

"You're really not going to let us drive, then?" said David.

"And you're really not going to do what you came here for?" Charlie came closer. His cane wrapped the floor with every step. "If you walk out of here without letting me lay hands on her and she gets sicker, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Because I won't give you another chance."

"Well..." said David.

After letting the silence hang for too long, the reverend said, "Well what?"

"Cancer's not arthritis, is it? If you can't heal her then I'll regret that too."

Jen sighed. "Cut the shit. Dad, just take it from him. This nasty fuck is like a thousand years old."

Charlie Wells shoved the keys in his pocket and stuck his hand in after. He knew David wasn't about to break an old man's back just to get at them.

"Forget it." said Jen. "The road's busy enough. We'll hitchhike."

She shoved the screen door open with both hands and it swung so hard it might as well have gone into orbit had it not been attached to the spring and hinges. Then the thing came back and slammed against the door frame fast enough to shake the house. And again a couple more times. As David watched his daughter shuffle on up to the road side looking out to the corn fields, he'd never felt so proud.

He went to join her and in time a car did come. When it passed the gas station and ropical Fish store, he told their ride to pull in.

"I've got an idea." he said as he dragged Jen into the store.

The owner was there, rearranging the pictures of Jesus. David's entrance startled him and before anything else could happen, the big Marine put his palms out.

"Don't worry."

"I'm not." said the other man, sneering.

"So does it run?"

"Does what run?"

"The Volvo out back." David pulled his wallet out. "I'll pay you five hundred if it runs."

"It's only worth three. But sure, I guess."

He brought the car around to the pumps and filled it up. David handed over the money in cash. After helping Jen into the passenger seat and shutting the door, he put a hand on the skinny man's shoulder.

"I'm sory." he said. "You were right about me, but you know..."

"I'm not interested in your story. Some people can't deal and that's fine, but don't be a dick."

"Okay then."

As David opened the driver's side door, the young man called back.

"I'm out your league anyway."

They drove off in their new car.

"What were talking to that guy about?" said Jen. "Do you know him?" When her father didn't answer, she shrugged and said, "Fine. Be mysterious. Just get me out of here. I'm taking a nap."

David looked over and saw her cradling the broken toy in her lap. She fell asleep. Not long after that, the strangest feeling came over him. This wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. Everything he'd done was wrong. He came to the spot where they'd stopped before, where Jen had taken the car keys. The stream she'd run into only a few hours before slithered through the grass at the bottom of the hill. It's perfect, serene mirror of a surface was turned from blue to orange now that the sun was setting.

"Jen." he said. "I shouldn't have brought you out here. I know that now."

She didn't respond. He shoved her.

"Jen?"

At that moment his daughter, his tough little girl - she slumped forward. She wasn't breathing.

"Jen!"

He reached for her again, but stopped.

She was gone.

And so was everyone else. There was no one left but himself now. David climbed out of the car and walked to the wooden fence on the side of the road. He placed his enormous rough hands on them and leaned over and began to cry.

image courtesy of pixabay