Pursuit of a Friend: Struggles of Adults Making Friends

I wrote the following post in 2016. It was complete frustration over not being able to find my place in this disconnected world.

The above photo is me just this year, finally in a group of like-minded, trustworthy, dependable individuals. I found this group by stepping out of my comfort zone and trying Buti Yoga in Asheville. Now I am a certified Buti Yoga Instructor myself and in the midst of creating a studio with my friend! In this group of women (& men) I haven't had to compromise my self, my personality, my independence. I still do a ton of things alone! I rock being in a fancy restaurant by myself and even went to my Buti Yoga certification alone. But I see these people consistently and feel I have really grown as a person because of the connection.

I wanted to share how I felt before all of this, in case anyone else is going through it now. If you don't think your people are out there, I want to say chances are, they are. If you exist on this planet, that mean there are others out there that share your qualities and interest on some level - and the only way to meet them is to get out there and try new things! Even if you don't "need" a group of friends, just the same way you don't need a romantic partner, it sure feels great to have encouraging, high vibe people in your life to grow with. Don't give up! Do you & keep following your excitement and you'll eventually run into the person or people you can feel at home with and call your tribe. BE BRAVE WITH YOUR LIFE!

Excerpt from Jenny Roberts, June 23, 2016:

What's the point of meeting and connecting with someone only to never see them again? What's with our society where we only want to experience someone's company one time? I don't wish to own or expect too much from the external. As an adult who doesn't fit into some specific social norms it's possible I can only connect with other adults who don't fit social norms. And often that means they are the kind of people who don’t follow up or seek out others. See, some of us have been “chased” our entire lives for the fear of chasing. If we reach out to make friends and the other doesn’t reciprocrate, well how would we cope? As children, some of us chose to only pal up with those who pursued us. All of my best friends (yes, all 2 of them) kept up with me and called me regularly. It’s not that I wouldn’t call back but see I couldn’t initiate friendships with anyone, ever. It was too terrifying. But once someone reached out over and over again and proved they would be there, I knew I could trust them. I could come to expect at least some part of my life could be interwoven with theirs, at least for some time period, at least for right now.

The bravery that was required to make a friend continues to seem more overwhelming then ever. How does someone who has spent their entire life wanting to be alone suddenly manage not wanting to be alone anymore? Do they have to become a “pursuer,” someone who regularly keeps up once a week, once a month or whatever with the person they wish to be friends with? Is it possible that the chasing can stop and we can all just hang the fuck out?!!!

These people come and go so fast in our lives because we aren't forced to see each other at work, at school picking up the kids, etc...we would all rather do other things and yet a part of us wants to socialize with others. What can I do to finally find a friend?