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RE: ALARM CLOCK DAWN (An Original Novel - Episode 47)

in #story8 years ago

I loved the expression “loose unison.” Stylistically, this really elevates the phrase where it was used above all other written material on this page.

The other expression you used excited my curiosity. “Partially out of politeness, Evelyn, Bear, and Adam sat down as well.” Partially out of politeness and partially out of what?

The next sentence about the Bear was even more intriguing. “Bear looked around and threw up his hands, unsure of what to do but followed everyone else’s lead and sat down on the floor.“ I thought Evelyn, Bear, and Adam have already sat down and yet somehow Bear was still standing and thinking of what to do with his hands.
Otherwise, this was a good move, which separated Bear out of the crowd, sort of gave him/her/it (I haven’t read the previous chapters yet) some extra visibility.

In general, it is so hard to describe a group of people all at the same time. Let’s say you sit by a campfire and observe a group of ten people. You can easily make out the individual differences, but try to write about them and they all become blend and too similar. It’s probably easier to describe the mood of the entire group than of each individual person. A group often succumb to a cattle feeling of hate, or mockery, or self-abasement.

Anyhow, good luck to Adam and the entourage.