7 things to know before asking a random lady out in Nigeria and my sad experience with a 'one time' crush

Let me share my bitter experience first biko.

The first time my name was mentioned and my article read on the radio, it was on 'State of the Nation' weekly program by Edmond Obilo on Inspirational FM.

I didn't even know about it. I only knew the man sent me a mail that he'd love to feature the article. The first person that called me was my crush then.

The way she hyped the thing ehn..., i don start to dey feel say God don answer all my prayers, like all my dreams don come true. I saw how she carry the thing for head like Brazilian hair so I used scope enter her.

I follow babe talk. Me too dey form say the girl don fall (life of a star...lol). I never knew my village people neither sleep nor slumber. So i assumed all protocols were duly observed by her several admirers and straight I drove to the point.

She didn't insult me tho. She was just heartless in her manner of saying No. She was so blunt as a sharp girl- didn't beat around the bush. I was disappointed, defeated, heartbroken, beaten to pulp and depressed. It was then I knew sadness and depression are sleeping pills. I just kept sleeping and sleeping till my eyes began to bulge out.

She taught me a lesson though- some achievements are small. So until you tap the big deal, just keep your arms under your cardigan, treat yourself to whatever you eat and drink, thank God and respect yourself.

So this leads me to telling you the prerequisite for asking a random lady out in Nigeria. I've been there and I wish you all know so you don't end up shaming your ancestors & making the same mistake.

1. Have the mindset of 'trade by barter':
   In one of my recent poems titled "recap", I made mention of it that in Nigeria, we are all in parasitic relationships. We are all preys and we are all predators. We are all hawks carrying as big as we can. So don't go to a random Nigerian girl forming Romeo. Have it watered at the back of your mind that this is going to be business and business to the core. Who love epp?

2. You don't need to talk too much:
   Nigerian ladies don't want you to perform spoken word poems for them. You don't need rhymes, you don't need to cajole them with sweet words. You don't even need to understand English. A brief knowledge of how to put words together will do. Forget the tenses. Forget your grammatical construction. Just try your best and leave the rest.

3. Don't worry about your look:
   Forget about pink lips, spotless face, fresh skin etc. Those things actually matter but not everytime. That's why you see the ugly guys in town rock clubs and hang out with the biggest and most beautiful ladies in town. Nigerian girls don't even care about your physic. Keep your six packs. With potbelly and cash, you'll top the list here.

4. Check your bank account or wallet time to time
   Nothing Is as important as what you have in your bank account at that point in time. In fact, that's the.only thing can give you the boldness and audacity to command things and be in control of the moment. You know most times when you have money, even if you don't dress it, it will reflect in your voice and way of approach.

5. Be ready to part with something:
   You can't talk to her and leave her without dropping something. Ko le work. Al least you have to buy her food or drink if it's a date. You have to part with transport fare or anything of such. Just make sure she gets a taste of your lavishness.

6. Oh yes! Be a lavish spender:
   On occasions when you hangout, you must remember to keep your prudence at home. Infact, keep your sense under your pillow and go out without brain. Why? Because you have to show her you don't care about the figure. As long as you can spend. Keep doing it. & if you go bankrupt along the way, blame your village people alone.

7. Be ready to meet all her needs:
   You will in no time become her ATM or credit card. Every of her need will be on you and you must never attempt to say No. You'll keep drilling her and she'll keep milking you. That was why I said it's going to be a parasitic relationship. Take it or leave it.

This is Nigeria baby.