"Never Break Me" Chapter 1

 CHAPTER ONE    

 "The room"   

      It was September, the second week of school after a nice summer break.  I went every day! but for some odd reason, Corinne wanted me to go down to the “circle” the place where skippers hid from the police that patrolled the blocks that made a big square and the high school sits smack down in the middle. I gave in, when we got there it was actually quite beautiful and full of lush greenery. The kids shockingly were in different social groups but got along seemingly nicely. Which to me was really acquired? Sitting on a huge rotten fallen tree trunk was an obese girl; her skin was pretty with a nice complexion however, she drew on her eyebrows which to me is strange There was another girl that was very tiny as if she has never eaten a day in her life, along beside her stood a couple of my old friends I used to hang out with in middle school they steered astray once they hit 9th grade and became a goth/skater groupie. 

          A couple of other boys, one I knew very well he was my best friend Jessica’s older brother. “God I miss her” she passed away when I was 12. It was a horrible death, she was so beautiful, but he was always mean, I am guessing sexually frustrated or something cause that was all he talked about and frankly all the girls he talked about I know for a fact was a fraction of his twist imagination.   I ended up sitting on a huge square-like rock that actually was pretty comfortable for a hard piece of earth. I took my cigarettes out my pocket and lite one up and didn’t speak to anyone really; I was so nervous all I could think about is “What the hell was I thinking, why did I let her talk me into ditching class!” Well Then out of nowhere some boy who I swear looked like he was in the fourth grade pulled out a bowl and just started smoking it and passing it around like we were part of a Cherokee gathering celebrating a warrior or something, but I don’t mind, I smoked every now and then with my cousins and twisted mother on the weekends.  In fact, I think it actually helps with my manic depressive.  

         “Analia, Is that you?” I turned my head to the left than to the right and look, “Aww look at you, wait what are you doing here.” I asked it was my childhood friend John. He moved away a few years ago to live with his father when his parents separated. My father got tired of me I guess, pretty nice seeing you here, Analia how is your grandma doing? The last time I saw you she just found out she had Leukemia. Good strong as ever I replied. Then out of nowhere, a tall figure started coming up the hill from the trails that lingered below the “circle.” His voice is hard to explain but it just melted me. His name is Drew John said, don't pay him any mind, trust me he would break your heart in a blink of an eye………….  Coming back to the realization that I am being taken to who knows where. I lean forward as to get as close as I can to the driver’s seat the best as I can, and call out hoping I am just dreaming, Drew? The dark figure turns his head to face me, you remember me? Shocking for a girl who lets a man fall deep for her and then just disappears and is never to be heard from again. Analia do you know what you did to me, what I went through to get you. How long I have tried to get you to notice me. I have bumped into you at the grocery store, you never even acknowledge me. I drive past you every morning on your walks and you just wave like it’s nothing! “HOW COULD YOU, I thought what we had was real.” Drew! I... I…. I... “SHUT UP YOU WHORE” you’re a liar a fucking pathetic liar. Drew! I swear…... He turns around and smacks me with a hard black object and all I remember is blackness descending on me. 

       I am going in and out of awareness as I try to wake up from what feels like a bad hangover, that fogging, pounding pain that comes immediately upon waking the next morning. I feel his warmth as he is carrying my limp small frame through what as I can tell thick foliage. I feel him stumble over logs and heavy bolder-like rocks, it seems about 4 or 5 in the morning from the light blueish black sky I see through the trees. I am so worn down from all of this it seems as if my mind just wants to give up already. I just fade back into the dark abyss, and just pray I make it through whatever he has planned. As I lay limp in his arms I try to pay close attention to every sound. Listening to any noise that might mean civilization for if I ever get the chance to run, I know which direction may lead me to safety. The wind is slowing starting to pick up as if there is a strong storm heading in from the east. I get a whiff of his cologne which is the scent of Cool-water the same when we first meant, but this time it symbolized the smell of death.  I am tired and the last thing I remember is hearing him mumble to himself. “you were always special….. so special!”   

         I dreamed of Corinne, my bestie, what happened to her? Did he hurt her? Is she dead somewhere. At this point all I can do is hope she really did stand me up, I just don’t understand what is going on with Drew, I don’t even know where is this coming from, I mean as far as I can remember he used me, he never talked to me in public, if anything it was as if he was embarrassed by me, so I let him be it was only a year and to me I felt as if I was another one of his hookups. besides, I went through hell when people started finding out we were messing around. See all the girls wanted him and they became jealous and you know the whole high school drama rumor mill, Well I was at the top of the discussion board always. So I just couldn’t handle the pain and being pushed aside when it wasn’t for his benefit.  So I am so clueless about what is going on.   As I start getting my boundaries and try to figure out where the hell I am. It seems like some sort of shelter. It's eerie, the lighting was faint from just a gasoline lantern. The floors are concrete and the air was musky from moisture so we had to be underground. What the fuck did I get myself into?  I hear footsteps and bags, the sound of the plastic rubbing and crackling when it hits the sides of your legs. I get up and realize that my left ankle as a huge chain the one you might see on the old knight movies the prisoners wear. It seems pretty long but so heavy and noisy, no getting the running chance it’s out of the question, so I guess I need to start thinking of plan B.

          I scoot up clear to the headboard of the bed that I am on, this room is like an apartment  I can see what looks like would be a kitchen about 20 steps from the bed. “Hello, Beautiful sorry for all that earlier. I just had to make sure you didn’t get away from me. But I am so glad that you could give me another chance!”  I bought you some clothes and some toiletries. I hope you like them? I am just staring into disbelief. I am so dumbfounded. How can you go from hurting, and abducting someone to trying to act like nothing ever happened and I am here of my own free will? Uh, why are you doing this to me, I never did anything to you? Well, babe…. “I’m not your babe” don’t call me that yelling with tears in my eyes confused and scared I am trembling shaking so bad my voice is starting to tremble. He rushes towards me with anger in his eyes like coal black demon possessed you see in the movies. Grabbing my face squeezing my chin and cheeks pulling me closer he cringes “I will call you babe,” and you will answer me without questioning me. Do you understand? I say nothing and look away in disgust.    He gets up turning his back against me grabbing his hair and yelling at me, “Do not test me, I hate being talked back too, you are here now get used to it, Remember This “I always get what I want.” I burst into tear crying uncontrollably, He turns his head while taking a big deep breath to collect him self. For real he has lots it this is not the drew I knew.  Babe you are all dirty let’s go take a shower... Um, I am fine; I am tired I don’t feel well! Trying to avoid whatever is next. All I want to do is just go to sleep wake up and be in my own bed in my own house safe, warm and this all be a nightmare. 

        He grabs my hair and pulls me straight off the bed and drags me towards another room, Slams me against the hard concrete wall. Sobbing hands over my face begging for him to stop, Please Stop, No… He ignores my pled. And thrashes me over facing him and tears off my shirt, and bends down to his knees and starts to slowly pull my jeans down and then looking up me like it is some type of arousal which it makes my stomach turn and heart stutter and I collapse I know what is coming and I just can’t, I can’t.   I start resisting I am not going out like this I refuse. He loses it, He takes my hair and slams my head against the wall again, and rips the sides of my underwear while pending me with the other, he takes his feet and nudged my legs apart one by one. Oh my God Stop! Just pleeeaaaaaasssseee Now Wailing! He grabs my throat as he stands behind me and starts to slide his hands over my breast breathing hard and sobbing I can’t move. I just am going to have to give up I have no other option, my head is bleeding I am bruised and just beaten down. He grasps my hair tighter nudging me toward the hot shower.  

  The water is hot almost skin burning, He Grasp my neck with the back of his hand facing him, sliding his palm towards the back of my head bending it back and starts to kiss my neck. Holding in my emotions I just stood there taking it, trying to take my mind to somewhere else anywhere else… He then he starts moving his hands farther down trying to make it as if I was wanting every inch of me caressed by him. I just could get my mind away, I pushed away and in return he pulled me closer. And started to remise about the past our past. Awe the first time I seen you I wanted you. I needed you, oh my God I just want you, Your perfect. You used to love it when I did this to you, you begged me not to stop? Remember, then he bites my neck pinching the first layer of skin. I scream, turn and slap him as hard as my frail physic could. Damn it why can’t you just let go. Grabbing my wrist, he jerked me out of the shower and threw me on his shoulder and headed to the bed.   Resisting to no result he overpowered me and tying each wrist to the bed post and then my legs. I’m trembling in fear legs shaking like if I was just thrown into a frozen lake and suffering from hypothermia.  He puts his hands on the inside of each thigh and starts kissing my legs going upward and then I just rapidly squeeze his head with my thigh muscles, stop fighting this you know you like it. Why pretend you don’t. I burst into tears and repeatedly say “I hate you, I can stand you, get the fuck off me you twisted mother fucker!” He immediately stops and sit up, oh is that oh it is? Well I will make you like it bitch! He unties my legs and violently turns me over he climbs on top and spread my legs and I hear spitting. OMG No please don’t Just let me go I won’t say anything I just want to home… He ignored my ranting and just began to insert himself. Hard and forcefully he thrusted and as tears flow down my face all I can do is just lay there holding in my screams. Till I became tired and numb and just became limp and just let it happen. It seemed easier than to be tense the pain was more manageable. It seems like entering before the horrid event stopped and I just can’t, why is God letting this happen to me. It’s over. I feel like I just swam in a swamp full of shit. I just want this to be over I am hurting, probably have a concussion which to any luck I will go to sleep and not wake up, yea that is what I will hope for death would be better than this. Oh shit babe, I missed this, you’re so warm. Do you feel me, I’m so deep, uh, uh, yes? He slides himself out and falls to myside, and starts kissing my right shoulder like it was magical. I felt broken inside pain filled my lower abdomen and I slowly drifted off to sleep.   I woke with the smell of food I had to be what seems to be morning, Hard to tell without any windows for the detection of sunlight, or sun rise. I look I am dressed with gray sweat pants, socks and a bright orange long sleeve shirt. Surprised the bastard even was mentally aware of how cold I was. He comes over with a huge smile on his face, but his eyes looked empty inside. Filled with nothing but his own complicated desires. You never looked so beautiful as you do right now. Without thought or hesitation I spoke ignorantly, “What handcuffed beaten and helpless?” he replied “Stop, you know last night was amazing, your just to hard headed to admit it!” I mind was struck with anger and hatred. Last night? Seriously what is wrong with you, what you did is unspeakably the worst thing that anyone has ever did to me. I hate you, I will never forgive you for what you’re doing to me. I know I should have gotten the point to just shut up and act like everything is okay to win his trust and then the second I have him where I wanted him either kill him or run, run for my life. But I am just so baffled that he seriously thinks is ok.   Here I made you breakfast, you need your energy. He spoke with a tone of seral joy. I am not hungry. I turned over and just closed my eyes and just hopefully I can just vanish myself to oblivion. Well here I am putting in on the end of the bed if you change your mind. I’ll be right back I have to go get a few things. I have big plans for us. Oh Just wait you will change your ton once you see. Ignoring him I thought that this might be my chance to scope out every inch of this place I can to figure out my next move. I waited till I knew for a fact he was gone. It looks much different than it did last night. Either he added new shit while a slept or I really was hit hard. Remembering my head injury, I start feeling my hair and saw the mirror, my whole entire left side of my face was in total dismay. My eye swollen shut my lip busted for the wall. And still dried crusted blood under my nostrils. I took a deep breath and I am strong I can get through this!   I got up and walked to examine how long my chain reached which to my surprise was basically the whole entire insulated death trap. I started going through draws and cabinets, maybe there’s a knife or something sharp I can used to protect myself from the repeat of yesterday. Nothing. But wait out of the corner of my eye I see a stack of papers and folders. I open and they fall to the floor scattered about; I grab my mouth in amazement. There lie pictures to what seems like my every movement for the past 9 years. Pictures with me holding my ex hands as we walk on the trails smiling but his face is scratch out. Eating lunch with Corrine. To even taking out my trash at 5 a.m. I pick them up and set them aside and here are fake marriage certificates, Life insurance policies, and house blue prints. And under that there is a cheap $3-dollar notebook I open it, It’s a dairy of some sort more like a written plan of his twisted perfect idea of happiness. I see books about medical procedures, and a think hard cover book a book disease and surgical procedures. I start to hear distant humming and footsteps I rush back to the bed in the position he last saw me in. Honey, sweet heart; wake up…...   I open my eyes and turn around he is standing there with his hands behind his back and with a sadistic grin. I have something for you. Go away leave me alone. I don’t want to look at you hear, you Just let me go home. Damn Analia, I told you, you are home. I feel a sharp sting to my left arm. I jerked up and there he is smiling, what did you do. Suddenly I feel woozy, and try to stand up and My legs just are tingly numb, Shock drew across my face. I begin to fall. Awake and aware of everything, I just cannot move; I can’t speak. Listen this is to just calm you so we can become closure and get back to what we shared. It will wear off in a few hours. I lay there helplessly and listen to him go on and on about love and mythical shit ignoring all of it until I hear what I hope to be the drug talking. Analia, become one with me? My eyes I know had the streak of fear, he undresses me, motionless I can’t do anything, what drug is this I can feel every touch but yet cannot move and grogginess overcomes me. He literally starts kissing my vagina and I can feel the tingling sensation the wet warmth of his mouth. He sits up and begins to slid his middle finger up deep inside I can feel the depth uncomfortably I lay there without any choice of my own with my eyes feeling with tears and my heart sinking deep inside my gut. He starts to crawl up towards my face and grabbing his self-making his way deep inside as far as he could get in the position I was in. He just lays on me no movement and softly announces what he learned about me through the years of stalking me.  Analia, I am so glad to see you haven’t been taking your birth control. “Shit!” He is right I have been so busy these past few months with school, and work and fixing up the garden I totally forgotten. That turns me one. Where you waiting on me in hopes I could put my seed into you. I start to jerk as he speeds up his movement and then slows down, it was forever I don’t know if deep inside he was turned off for he knew I was not enjoying it. I start to feel the pain in my cervix from the amount of force. Like as if you were knocking on the door to get in and no one hear so you end up kicking the door, He start sucking my breast as he cups them in his hands, I get off me and slides my body to the end of the bed, and bend toward be inserting himself once more, grabbing my hips he picks me up as if I am preforming a back bend. I look at the ceiling trying to count every crack but end up counting each motion 1...2...3.4.5.6…7,8,9..10,11,12,13,14,15,16…… 17 it seems like forever. He isn’t finished with me yet. What the fuck I mean how can this take this long. He flips me over spreading my legs and putting me into a prayer position and grabs the back of my hair to were my neck is on the verge of breaking, pounding me Hardly able to keep me still from the lack of control of my balance is as if I am flying on a back road full of pothole without pressing the brakes. Finally, its over I can tell by the pulsing behavior men get when they are at the end of happiness. Sweat is dripping on my back and as he slid out I can feel the liquid ooze from me. He starts to wipe me off and lay me down to dress me. Now that you know what you missed these past years, I won’t have to drug anymore. He covers me up and then reaches under the bed and opens up an old shoe box. He put a picture in front of my face, it was of us when he was sane happy and actually really sweet, 360 from what this is. I was holding on to his neck bend over him while he looks like losing his balance as the picture was being taken. I love you Analia. You might hate me right now, but you know this; us were are meant to be together. In time you will see. He kisses me on the head and grabs a hold of me tightly and before he drifts off softly says I won’t let you go, you safe here!