Dear @centrelink,

I cannot write, and have dictated this letter for my cousin to write.

Please be advised that this photograph was taken at a most unfortunate time. You see, I have been on a medical research program, and had an adverse reaction to a drug which is supposed to tighten my core muscles, and help to support my back, which as you know has never been the same since"the incident."

This photo was taken at the exact moment the new, experimental drugs kicked in, causing my whole body to go into spasm. It even straightened my teeth, that I nearly didn't recognize myself.

What may seem like 200kg dumbells, are in fact silver plastic juice bottles which I was carrying at the time of my full body cramp. They contained the experimental drug which I had just drank. The cramp cause me the squeeze those poor bottles beyond recognition. I am still holding them, as nobody can get my hands open.

The doctors don't know how long this cramp may last, so I may need to apply for extra disability payments, as I now cannot use my arms properly and need a full time carer. Luckily my cousin is also unemployed, so he will be able to care for me in between looking for a job. Can he apply for a grant to look after me?

Yours faithfully

@bmj

P.S Please send me the relevant forms for my additional payments, and my cousin's carer's grant, and i will get someone who can hold a pen to fill them in for me.