Templates are a Hookers Best Friend

Warning, pictures of STI covered dicks ahead

Most days I lay around in bed all day, waiting for YOU. In a full face of slap (make up), wearing my sexiest matching lingerie, undulating rhythmically to whatever oh so saucy song is playing on the radio. The gentle breeze blowing through my open window caresses my oh so smooth…

Record Scratch
Freeze Frame

Nope. That’s not me. That’s not any fucking Sex Worker I know. Here's how a week day goes for me:

7-8:30am Wake up, roll over and pick up my phone and check twitter. Bad habit I know, but I can’t quit it. I’ll roll my ass out of bed, hit the toilet, turn on the kettle and stare blankly at a wall whilst I wait for my glorious morning coffee to be ready. More twitter, checking emails, checking SMSs, checking messages on various social media. Check my advertising is all up and up to date.

9:30ish Washing, cleaning, maybe food, more coffee.

11am Start replying to emails and customer enquiries. I only accept advance bookings so I only do this a few times a day. When I would take same day bookings this was different but right now this is how I roll.

12pm Food, reading, music.

2pm onwards Getting ready for bookings, writing, queuing up social media posts, creating content for social media etc. Bookings, more bookings.

This is a typical weekday for me. I don’t accept morning bookings during the week and overnight bookings are rare during the week as I have other business commitments. Weekends are a different story. So you’re looking at this and thinking; why the hell do you need templates? Surely your biggest priority would be answering clients! Well yes, it is a priority for me, but I refuse to be constantly checking emails and SMS. So I only tend to that particular task a few times a day, unless I’m planning an elaborate booking with a client, there’s no need for constant back and forth when booking. It sounds so simple doesn’t it? I get a request, I reply with available times, and BAM – PROFIT.

"In the full service sex work industry, lazy booking requests are considered especially heinous. In Brisbane, the dedicated hookers who tell clients to politely piss off are an elite squad known as the Smart Arse Hookers Unit (SAHU). These are their stories."

Exhibit A My ad very clearly states I offer no unprotected services. Its even illegal to offer or ask in the state I live in. Sometimes I get bored of just politely saying that...

Exhibit B
My ad states I don't offer DATY or Greek...

Exhibit C
Dudes looking for free fun...

Exhibit D
Top and bottom of my ad states "SMS Enquiries Only Please" This is an app I have installed on my phone hanging up on this dude automatically and sending him a text...

Exhibit E
I don't offer DATY and it's in my ad so I didn't even reply. Then dude tried to call...

Exhibit F
I have hundreds of these. "Hello""Hey" "Hi" "Free now?" and on and on and on...

Exhibit G
Me attempting to get a deposit out of a guy that has no showed on me before...

Exhibit H
Asking for the ad that they got my phone number off... and well the rest speaks for itself...

When I first started escorting over 50% of my day was me checking my phone, answering my phone and replying to Time Wasters and guys that would eventually no show. It was exhausting and frustrating and one of the main contributors to my burning out and needing to take time off here and there. I didn’t have templates and it was so time consuming I felt like all I did was stare at my phone and laptop.

Two years ago when I decided to come back to escorting again fulltime, I made the decision to only take advance bookings, prepare templates and have set times of day I would respond to clients and business queries. I knew this would lose me business but I’m incredibly blessed in that escorting is not my only source of income. I no longer have the stress of getting ready for bookings at the last minute or rushing around.

In the past, my day as an escort looked quite different to this. I would wake up, clean my home, get my working room ready, jump in the shower, do my make up and if I had a morning booking I’d get into my outfit, but if I didn’t have a booking I’d put on a flowy dress or bathrobe and wait for bookings. This is how many, many escorts work, and it’s incredibly profitable to work this way. But I’ve reached a point in my hoeing and personal life where I just can’t stand to sit around and wait for the next booking to come in. Not to mention that it was an incredibly lonely life for me. I would stay at home all day, not wanting to miss a booking, and eventually I wasn’t seeing my friends as much as I used to and the only interaction I had was via the phone or Internet when chatting with people. It’s not this way for all Sex Workers but my experience of working that way was one Id prefer not to repeat. And right now, I’m privileged enough to not need to.

So look, if you ever contact an escort and wonder why you’re getting what looks like a template response, the above examples are why! Don’t be that person. Don’t waste my time and yours. Use your noggin and send through all the details when you contact an escort.

Miss Vee xoxo

UPDATE: Six minutes after posting, this came through on my phone. It's currently 11:17pm AEST.