Dear @centerlink,

I am writing this reply to your latest missive with my mouth as the barbells you show in the photo are now permanently attached to my claw-like hands. As you should be aware from my medical file (which you have asked me to provide no less than 17 times already) I am now so SWOLE that not only can I not hold a pen, but I have had to register each of my biceps for their own disability allowances.

I note you mention that I am "flaunting my body". However, you should know that I have not been able to wear a shirt since age 12. I find your comment insensitive and have attempted to register a complaint (well, two complaints: one from Ben and one from Jerry - my biceps) with the ombudsman. I was told I had to deliver it in person, but I couldn't fit in the car. So you'll need to up my allowance as I'm going to need a monster truck just to get around and a full time chauffeur too (if it's good enough for Turnball, it should be good enough for me).

I doubt my letter will work because I honestly don't think you are buff enough to truly understand, so I'll tell you how my old trainer used to tell me (before he died from a bad steroid batch): You must pay my disability. You must pay my disability. You must pay my disability.

There you go, three reps at max weight. I'd tell you to get a wriggle on but you'd probably do more cardio. Just do it!

Yours in SWOLEness,
@thinknzombie