You seem gloomy Asher. A song came to mind as I read this post - Rainbow by Southborder - "there's a rainbow always after the rain." Although the line may not always be true, I believe it's true for your situation. :)

I have a son and two daughters and I do feel the sadness being away from them. (I'm 3,000+ km away from them right now - a four-hour travel by plane)

Perhaps its the grudge that's holding you back? One of the teachings I learned from our church is, "learn to forgive so that you'll be forgiven."

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