The mad truth

lesgotty (35)in #truth • 4 years ago

Just as I thought I had a clear day or two of reconcidering my moves out of my country. Now it's engraved even deeper within me that it's not about the people. As I write this I listen to Eamon's age old f u song.feeling rather calm and cool, really relaxed not fogged up in any way. Not giving a fuck either. So the truth of the matter is that you can't live too clean, too pure or too perfect, the closest one of your people will be the ones making sure to stick it the deepest. These few days I felt myself get awfully stronger then I had to step back and question what had happened because I really got used to the fuckery, it became routine. It's past all definition as I fixated my focus through it, made me really feel the spaces between the very particles that make up matter, they way they vibrate just to show that even the most solid of things is not together hence "it does not matter, nothing matter, there is no matter" scientifically anyway. This king of approach fucks feelings and that sensation that throbs the ass, all these feelings become dead and your focus, in this case my focus is on the prize, not the money, the money is probably the last thing I want it sort of comes last anyway.

Getting the vibration just right is the art, got to do it again and again because the strategy here is to get the most seemless outro that you would give you in the best way possible without any outside help. Now the outside help, half assed keeps coming in, enforcing itself upon you what to do? I promised myself I'll put out a clear post if it happens again like this. You see this beautiful game, you got you space, you mind space, you physical space, you can break all covenants as you like read that again now when that you need music, some good music. If you got beats by Dre you got the magic! Bass up! Volume up! Then feel every beat, feel the whole rhythm. Now think of why you put on the music like that, promise yourself that it won't happen like that as it did. There are lots of tweaks for you to tweak with all over the place, talk with me if you need to. I grow with this too.

You see I'm an Aquarian, I am known to be UnConventional, that means death before dishonour. There is a lot to live for, a lot to believe in, being bad is easy but who says you want it easy? You follow your stars or roughly anyway and you still listen to people who found out about their paths from you really? I understand that there are miscellaneous spirits around you all the time tricking and not treating you but really now. I'll tell you one thing, it really easy ok. Now that the music is so high you are feeling the music artist close to you yeah? Think of all the solutions you had yeah, try to sync it with the music. You smoke? Yeah, now you had dyed your hair, make the big money, and get that ride, write that book, commune with uhm let's say the music artist you are listening to. Does your heart agree with you? Do you agree with you? Too sweet!

Oh wait, you mean to think of more approval needed in some way shape or form? After all they done to you? You keep wondering why the cycles keep repeating yeah? Well that's interesting cos it's all you, that validation you don't need, make sure you don't need it. I love my people, I love my country, I love my GaIA so much but I just can't be that truth that I need to see, I'm bad, like really good kinda bad but I'm not interested anymore. I've had my run now it's all good I'm ready to explore new horizons, where I dreamed of coding, I actually get to code, create my own user interfaces and enrich my own user experiences, be savage just not with them but truth is I hope they kill me before I get to do all I set out to do because I don't see the need for life anymore, other than hording, there's no other reason to life. What? Love? You hoard all that ... At the very basic level its all hoardship. That's the one thing that keeps me circling because you see how serious they are at damaging me but instead of feeling sorry for myself I feel sorry for them. The reasons are too much but that's what keeps me stuck in a way, I've tried myself but the guy in me won't let go, one day it's not going to be written. And it doesn't seem or look like I'm about to give anyone ass. At all. Nor am I looking to get. I mean my crushes are there but it's deeper than that. On my level I've surpassed all that, I do not consider the sexuality anymore, I'm not trying to be like any of them, that would mean I'm not good enough and I believe in myself that even if I was the only one alive, I'd still be A-OK.

So about the solutions, all that champagne, blunt no joint, dye or dread, sing or write, workout or eat and drink them away, dance or program them off your ass, drive them mad or tattoo yourself in there, baricade yourself in mansions with crystal bathrooms and drink out of Amythest cups n mugs, all while doing your yoga, or however you balance your chakra. Cos you got to know which one is blocked. For the longest time there was nothing wrong with mine except the constant deactivation. It annoys the fuck out of me , but I needed to be methodical because I did go away, out of the country several time but if you do not know, you just don't. The beautiful time I heart it speak was after a smoke session, it told me, just go and go I did. I went and I went only to get sick while gone then I had to get all the way back, it was sorta easy getting back but the efforts of my going are not tainted or dirty, I'm getting away from people and spirits who keeps convincing of things I'm not or am. If you read this far then you at least got to connect the dots of how the greatest of all time seem to be stuck, it's in the food, not only that but the whole connectivity, not only that it's in the dirt too. It's everything really. If you put out your word that they fuck you over, you speak your truth keep doing it. And if you can't I'll be doing it. This is mine, my pain, my travels, my truth my story, Eminem sings about his, JK Rowling wrote about hers, Mark Cuban is on the tank cos of his, and many more. It's not hard, it's so easy, the realisation that I don't need to move out of this country, I actually want to move out of this country, there's a difference cos when I went out of this country I needed to do so but this time, it's going to be a minute but I want to and the only thing that will stop me is death.

I keep coming back to this cycle. I did a lot of experiments, now I know so much and I love it but I know enough to know that death is nothing like we are made to believe that's one thing that confuses me as to why it stops me from self destruction when it knows clearly that this is nothing but a hoarding contest. Oh well I seem to be in another clearer transe but I'm sure I'll bath in the wind, take the sun, do some shadow work get a bit of light codes, do some chants and probably detox but I don't feel like it. I feel I've detoxed so many times but the food keeps rotating in the stomach only passing what I take in while the other stays in there. It was the maddest thing when one time I shit and my shit had maggots it there, that time I was too fascinated I was in a foresty place and I didn't want to leave the forest. People has to come get me, I was like dead, traumatized I didn't want to live in such a world because I don't understand this forgiveness things, I'll fucking kill you and I do not care if I die in turn or go to jail, reputation fucked or whatever. I know myself and there's nothing that will stand in my way once I see clear not the bliss, that scares me a lot. I need a lot of time to be alone and that's not how it's going for me. It's mad! I can write books out of this shit. There is no fear, it's all fake, illusions!

Right now I'm skinned out but I'm pretty alright with it, once you know where your energy n juices go, you'll get more love for yourself but you also start not giving a fuck cos you realise that they are major wimps,and this is the reason why I need to be absolutely sure of myself before I involve myself with anyone's child. I'm satisfied with my care. If by the time you read this I'm dead, I'll come haunt you...with love, I'll protect you. The more you'll read it the more I'll keep protecting you. I promise you there is just so much more I won't be able to stop and I'm real, I can't not care, this is my way of caring. This is how I caringly say fuck you (them) cos they want me to beg for my own being, they want me so vulnerable that they come to the rescue, heroes of the story but not this. This is a dead beat, next please! I include them links just incase you on that finance letting bullshit. That's all water works by the way, observe where your juices go like the whole cycle. How you do everything matters, every little bit. Some of us do thing we never want to do and we don't do what we really want. I'm getting my tattoos, probably going to grow out my curls, work out , write my articles and books, and grow just grow. Them angels keep really close to me and I love that. They are always telling me, grow, grow, grow. You can wear those Adidas tracksuits but it's not until you are on your own wavelength will you start seeing some good changes. When you get to be fully incharge of your juices, every drop. That's when change comes to play, any change you recognize now is bait to get even more juice out of you I promise you that much and best believe that breaking if covenants, curses, hexex, vexes voodoo hoodoo and all spiritual afflictions off of yourself does work but keep that company, keeping that thought, and pretending to have forgiven makes you just another growing asshole. Not that we aren't all assholes, oh yes we are but the attachment to the physicality of things is too much. I'm not holding onto this physicality any longer if I can help it. I believe in myself and I stand for my word, to the death, death has been playing conditions on me too so I'll have to fuck her too, like everyone else. It's nothing pretty. I'm a hater of approval. I hate approval so much I want to die for everytime I sucked up to approval. But I found new love. Me.

This expression is based on past present and futuristic experiences. It is advice for you to keep yourself safe, if you trade, happy trading!

===X===

🕉️♾️☯️

Supreme love and light

Current constellation positions

Mercury in Sagittarius
Venus in Scorpio

Neptune in Pisces

Jupiter, Pluto & Saturn in Capricorn

Mars in Aries ♈

Uranus in Taurus

Bless up!

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