It's come down to this

It's come down to me sleeping on the carpet. I beginning to behave like him again, it struck me today. How long have I been like this? How many people do I need to apologize to once I'm better, then again once I'm really better. Will I ever be?

I have bipolar 1 disorder and autism spectrum disorder. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I've been hit on the head a few times. I do not exactly have the luxury to mess around with my brain chemistry the way I have been. Why do I constantly feel the need to change states?

Why do I destroy my only chances of long term happiness by trying to be momentarily happy?

So I have decided, it's time to go back. I will stop what I'm doing. I will surrender all options. My white flag waves today.

I just can't handle this alone. So I will get help. I will let you know how it goes.

Thanks for reading along,
x1018