Where My Head's At

in #video7 years ago

So, where am I at in my head right now?

I’m in a stressful, but positive place. I walked away from Drunken Peasants (my successful podcast), and I’m still dealing with the fallout from that. I started a new show called Deep Fat Fried that is gaining a little bit of traction, and starting to get its own fanbase. It still has a long way to go, but early signs are encouraging. It’s hard to start something new in the shadow of what you’ve already done, but I’m feeling that Drunken Peasants shadow begin to recede.

Making money on the YouTube platform is more and more challenging. I’ve found it impossible to gain new subs, and I instead continue to lose them. My views have gone way down. I’m back to the point of being happy if a video can make it to 100k views. And that’s where I was like 4 or 5 years ago. So I feel like I’ve taken a big step backwards there. I am pretty proud of the stuff I’ve done recently, and I am just bummed that more people haven’t seen it.

I find it hard to get into what everyone cares about right now, which is this internet bloodsports thing: people competing for the support of an ever more fickle and unpleasable audience, with flavors of the month coming and going like dicks in a prostitute’s vagina. And It’s all just a very boring rehash of the typical left vs. right arguments that we've all heard ad neaseum.

People are taking pride in being unreasonable extremists. No one talking about ideas. Everyone trying to one-up the talking points of retarded talking heads to prove that they’re slightly less retarded talking heads.

I think both sides are shit. And I’m tired of saying even that. I’m tired of paying attention. I know I could get bigger views if I joined the mob and pandered to the masses. Hell, I talked about Logan Paul and my views went way up. I know how to follow trends. But I’d rather set them.

I was one of the first atheist voices on YouTube. I was one of the first anti-SJW voices on YouTube, if not the very first. I watched the atheist community turn into a dogmatic bunch of self-aggrandizing pansies perpetually shining their good guy badges. I watched the anti-SJWs turn into snowflakes who get triggered every bit as easily as the SJWs they mock. The things I have helped to create have all been perverted by people who are the embodiment of that which I was trying to defeat. It’s like reverse alchemy. A bunch of dumb twats who figured out how to turn gold into led.

I guess it’s fair to say that my confidence is shaken. Not only has everything I helped to create become the embodiment of what I sought to defeat, but the things people now care about are so banal to me that I can’t even be paid to care. And everything I spent ten years creating is withering before me. But, I’m not really as discouraged as you might imagine. I know that as long as I am alive, I will create. And whether that creation is experienced by one person or one million isn’t as important as the creation itself. Not to me.

There’s really no stopping me, unless you kill me. It’s like the movie Quills. They have the Marquis De Sade locked up in an asylum, and he is writing his perverse smut for the masses. So they take away his paper and his quills. So he writes with wine on his clothes, using a chicken bone as a quill. When they take that away from him, he writes with his own blood. When they lock him in the dungeon with nothing left to write with, he writes on the walls with his own shit. They can’t stop him. And I’m the same way. You can’t stop me, unless you’ve got the guts to kill me.

This time last year, I was getting 200k-300k views per video on average. Now I’m getting 60k to 80k. So, let’s say an average of 250k views down to an average of 70k views. That’s a 72% reduction in average views in a year. Now, I’m obviously not objective, but I don’t feel like I’ve gotten 72% worse at what I do in a year.

I think there are a lot of factors for why I suck now. YouTube doesn’t always notify my subscribers, they don’t recommend me as much to nonsubscribers as they used to, the even unsubscribe people from my channel. I’ve had people tell me they’ve been unsubbed multiple times. YouTube often doesn’t allow my videos to be monetized, and unmonetized videos definitely tend to get buried by YouTube’s algorithyms. So, in a lot of ways, YouTube has fucked me.

But there are other factors. Like I said, I’m not very interested in current YouTube trends, so a lot of people aren’t watching what I’m doing, because it’s not what’s hot right now. I think rebranding hurt me, since I spent a decade pushing The Amazing Atheist brand, only to suddenly switch to TJ Kirk in an ultimately futile attempt to subvert YouTube’s ad filters. I stretched myself thin by doing too much Drunken Peasants, which left big content gaps on my channel. And honestly, I’ve become more and more resentful of making content for fans and been more self-indulgent with my content.

I think YouTube has made an effort to fuck over my channel, but I’ve definitely made some decisions of my own that helped facilitate my own downfall. I can’t blame it all on YouTube.

I can tell you one thing though, whether I continue to decline or whether I see a resurgence, it won’t matter. Because I’m a creator and creators create. This will not stop. I will not stop. Not until someone plants a bullet in my head. Or my heart gives out. Or whatever ends up killing my fat ass.

That’s a fucking promise.

Now, what do I hope? I hope that things get better. And I’m already working on plans for that. But you’re my audience, and I’ve always believed in telling you where my heads at. And right now, this is where I am. Looking at the wreckage of my career and saying, “Fuck. How am I going to put this debris back together?” And I don’t know the answer. I don’t even know if it’s possible. And ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Because whether I’m a success or a failure, I’m going to keep going. I’ve always liked the saying, “The Fastest Way Out Is Through.” And I’m going to test that. I hope you’ll stick with me. But if not, it was nice riding with you.

I’m TJ KIRK, PTFO

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Wait wait wait... Did I do this?

Did I bring the biggest name onto steemit??

you words were too powerful!! hahahah it's awesome he's here, its great we can support him this way

Hey, you think it was democracy that's gotten the last few presidents in power? Nah. Just a sly little comment of mine here and there on some shady little forum one time. I have a certain charm.

I say we all make it a point to go invite more youtubians... if we get defranco to jump over, watch steem hit 20 bucks

I already sent (edit: a few people) messages a few times here and there. Sent another one today now there's been some success (whether or not is was actually me)

I think it takes many of us to invite these folks here, I think what you are doing is great... I intend to do the same...

keep on keeping on @mobbs

This comment chain is very wholesome and gave me the fuzzy feeling I'm lacking in the youtube comments.

looks like you did. Good on ya. I guess you also helped me find it too, through him. cuz i love his content wherever it goes.

If you did then let me add you to my hero list...

...right under TJ Kirk

Honestly Tj you are taking it like a champ, change is difficult there is not one single human on this planet that does not experience the pain involved in change.

But... truth be told, I don't see this like a demise, like a dark time on your life, or anything that grim. I see it like an opportunity...

We all grow, I'm sure that you look back at some of your old stuff and wonder "What the hell was I thinking?" sometimes. You are not the same person you were when you first started that channel, and as much as I agree, that most of the things you started o help start became shit-cults it only means that you were effective at conveying a message, that you are (because that has not changed) a big influencing figure.

I will admit and recognize that I'm biased, and you won't find that many people here who wont be Steem cheerleaders, but truth be told... aside from the technology of this particular currency, the concept of decentralization is the future of social media, the future of tech in general.

It seems like ages ago now, but there was a time when Myspace was the king sitting in the throne, and what are they now? they did not adapt, and the early adopters of the new platforms had a huge advantage...

Well thats you... right now... with all the experience you didn't have before when you started that youtube account and uploaded your first awkward video.

A year from now, you will be wondering why you put up with their shit for so long.

I'll raise my mug to your best year ever...

Cheers mate

Hear hear! Couldn't have said it better! This will be the year youtube finally gets some serious competition!

Hey TJ, welcome aboard!

I'm a long time subscriber to your channel and a fan of both past TJ and the new TJ... The things that i like most about your channel never changed - critical thinking and a humorous, "no fucks given" delivery. Also i'm one of those subscribers that had to activate notifications in order to know when your new videos come out, as YouTube stopped showing your feed on my page ever since the adpocalypse.

So, in light of all this censorship and demonetization on YT, I'm really happy that you found this place. I'm confident that it will help you continue to put great content.

Best!

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Very true words spoken here, excuse me that I don't know what you're doing on YouTube as I follow a lot of those kinds of channels, but I agree that a lot of YouTube channels have reduced themselves to thrashing each other in an attempt to gather more followers than their competitors. Engaging in petty fights and ridiculous subjects to please the masses.
In my opinion YouTube has outlived itself and will soon become an irrelevant platform where you just store your data. I guess it's time to try new ways of communicating with your fan base.

Side note : The SBD you get is worth around $8.00 USD each. Make sure you don't convert it or sell it for less than its worth. And always post you stuff in 50 / 50 mode. You earned a lot more money today than it looks like you made so far. But you have to learn how to sell the SBD for its proper amount.

1000 * 0.5 == 500 SBD
500 SBD sold at 8 dollars each is $4000.00

Half the total amount of the value it says you made is basically multiplied by the current value of SBD.

Actually it's more like 350 SBD, you forgot the 25% SP that goes to curators

1000 views. Not too shabby. Add that to your 420 million views combined and don't be so hard on yourself. My recent high is 300 or so views. 1000 is fucking awesome here. Just sayin.

I think authenticity is the most important thing there is to lots of people out there, it underlies whatever the content may be and gives it a foundation, not just hollow attention seeking, paper-mache rubbish. People can follow trends all they like, to chase the views, but surely it just feels a bit.. sad ?

I haven't seen any of your stuff on YouTube, but certainly sympathise with alot of what you're saying here.

Let's hope Steemit proves a better fit than what YouTube is becoming at the minute, best of luck with everything bud !

You're going to do great things here, and on D.tube @tjkirk.

Been following you on YouTube since your earliest days, and looking forward to following you on this ever growing medium.

If you'd like to follow me back, a heads up...
I post fiction, art/gif art, poems, and other random stuff.

Just like you I create content, and I can't stop!

Hopefully something of mine peaks your interest.

A good post to start with is my recent Steemit Portfolio post.

https://steemit.com/poetry/@hypexals-spiral/poetry-haikus-art-gifs-and-story-fiction-my-steemit-portfolio-all-in-one-place-links

Always keep rocking TJ!

PTFO!

Thank you, man.