man·splain | /manˈsplān/ | verb

(of a man) [to] explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.

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I have over four years of experience as a financial aid professional working with students in America to finance traditional college and career training school. I have enjoyed this profession because I get to work with the most eager hearts and minds of our generation. Every day I get to work with hope.

Today I met with a young married couple, a lovely husband and wife duo, and the wife is pursuing enrollment with our school. I asked to review their taxes for 2016, which they shared they filed separately that year because of “reasons” and they wanted to save money.

I tell them that I get “reasons” because my wife and I are considering filing separately as well to qualify for a lower student loan payment. I empathized with wanting to save money because we are shocked and bitter that somehow we owe taxes for 2017 when we are poor.

[White] Husband explains that I have incurred a tax bill because I went to college for free.

[Black] I mentioned that I absolutely did not get a free education (hence, aforementioned loan debt). I also made it clear that I financed college through a combination of loans, small grants and academic scholarships (Magna Cum Laude, baby!) and working 30+ hours a week.

I did not get a handout. Hardly anyone does these days.

Husband then redirects with a loud “oh, well, ya know” that makes me twinge, and goes on to explain that I must still be paying “scholarship taxes” (what???) and that we aren’t entitled to education tax credit breaks blah blah blah . . . I don’t know the rest because I began looking for the camera people from The Office to capture my reaction.

I am literally having someone confidently and poorly explain financial aid to me in MY FINANCIAL AID OFFICE. I am trying to have a human conversation over our dysfunctional tax system in our country, my student loans aside. We are both young couplites working hard, rubbing a few pennies together to get by. (Though since I have his taxes, I know how very few pennies they are.) Our generation has taken a hard bend over and shaft from the generation before us. Our rents take half our income
I tried to politely interject some truth into the matter, but he mostly insisted on lecturing me.

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Quick Sidebar...

Some may read this and feel our races are an irrelevant mention, but that difference does affect my perception and feelings, and Let me be clear, I don’t need your permission for that. It’s my reality, but I find our perceptions often bear some degree of semblance to the truth.

I can only presume that he has succumb to a prevelant false narrative in White America that states that Black, poor kids go to college for free while hard working middle class families are wrung out dry for tuition monies.


But I’ll concede that while I believe it was necessary to mention, it doesn’t change my overall point. So stick with me.
I know this conversation holds a strong, “you should have” to understand the tone of it all. But this conversation was unsettling for me – as is any conversation that questions my competence.

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But let’s get to the heart of mansplaining
because I believe we are all guilty at some point.

Mansplaining is driven by our inflated perception of the importance of our opinion.

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It happens when we allow our insecurities
and people’s impression of us guide our conversations. We pride ourselves in always being right or always having a formulated opinion. Every wheelhouse is (at least a little bit) our wheelhouse.

Sometimes behind mansplaining are insecure thoughts like:

“Everyone seems excited and passionate about [insert current event/issue]. Will I look like an idiot if I admit I’m unfamiliar? Surely there are at least two cents I can contribute here...”

or the other, more common extreme of

“I know everything about [insert topic], let me overexplain every belabored detail so that everyone knows that I know.”

The only remedy to Mansplaining is humility and a willingness to listen — to being open to the possibility that there are more competent minds in the room.

And so the charge is simple: Listen and Be Humble. Listen instead of being quick to speak, and be humble enough to admit when you are wrong. In doing so, we give others the peace of knowing that conversations with us aren’t power play campaigns to “one up” each other, but that we are a safe space to dialogue.

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All photos taken from Unsplash.com or taken on my iPhone.