I still keep on needing to be welcome

From so far I can remember... I have always felt connected to someone special to me, "here". Someone I know the most personaly possible... without even ever having met this person yet.

I have always felt that my future was connected to this person to meet (again). And for this very reason, I guessed that not anybody could really understand me.. that I will have to experience a hard Loneliness in life as long as I won't be ready to meet this person. Nights and days of spending time with myself, trying to figure out who I was, and why I have been born here, are countless... and nonetheless, I still feel a hope of giving them a meaning one day. And such a hope has led me to feel weak and vulnerable, in front of this world I sometimes don't understand. A world of people who seem to follow their own road, that they cannot explain themselves.

This is the reason why I have been awaiting this person on the same road than I... Walking in the same direction. Trying to figure out who she is... as I do.

...

I have taken my breathe in what the artists have made... songs that they have written and sang to express their own passion for life... movies they have made to cristallize their own reality under the illusion of appearances. This has been my air to back up to the surface of my waters, agitated by the storm of my fear. The fear of watching one day my highest hope to be ruined, mown by a reality I could have been unable to see or face.

My life, then, has been a rush to understand, and to face my shadows, experience after experience, sadness after sadness, getting back up after the falls, people ignoring my reality. But how many are we to live this way, hiding our reality ? How many are we to live something vibrating when loneliness ring our door, when there is no light in the night ? Nobody to hang on ? To make us forgetting about it ?

This is what I get from this world... Lost people trying to forget their reality, thinking it could never be understood, never be caught by someone's senses, never be like someone else's own history.

Once again, I use a song to dive into my own shadows, my own fear, my own feeling of loneliness, because the more Life has been spent, the more I have recognized I was not that alone... whatever my story is, except in the fact I didn't want to escape it.

I don't want to escape it... But I need it to be seen by someone as much courageous as me... I still keep on needing to be welcome... Because we are not alone.